Name changed as very delicate. Will try to keep as brief as possible without leaving anything out.
Ds is nearly 21. A milestone in a child's life but, as he did on his 18th Birthday, he'll spend it alone in his room.
He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 3 years ago. He was put on antidepressants, which he is still on. He gave up college soon after the diagnosis and with that went his friends, although he didn't have many friends anyway.
Background: He was absolutely fine until the age of 13/14 when he withdrew and became the typical lonely gamer. 'Normal teenage boy' is what we thought and what others told us. At that time he was still socialising within the nuclear and extended family so no alarm bells were ringing. 'He'll be fine when the hormones sort themselves out' we thought. That never happened and he withdrew more and more.
So, fast forward to now. Nearly 21. Spends pretty much all of his time in his room. He's doing one driving lesson a week. Rarely talks to us or his younger siblings. Is due another load of counselling but he keeps putting off calling 'will phone tomorrow'. I've looked into private counselling but it's expensive and why pay for it if he's not going to go, and not going to take their advice? He is supposedly doing a distance learning course but if I ask about he he says it's 'going ok'. I get the feeling he's not really doing it.
Personal hygiene not good. Only shaves before driving lesson but he doesn't do a good job. I buy his clothes..
Dh has tried so hard to help him. Offering him 'jobs' around the house - doing gardening, decorating etc for money but ds either says no or does such a rubbish job that dh doesn't ask him again.
We try to encourage him to get a part time job but get the 'will look tomorrow' answer. He uses his 'depression' card as an excuse to do nothing. I know people who suffer mental illness but they work, they push themselves and they manage to live a productive life.
So, all in all we're in a desperate situation. We have a 'man' living in our house that does nothing, pays nothing, upsets us and his siblings with his... miserableness (can't think of a better way to describe it). No one comes to our house. Extended family have retreated to the odd text or facebook message only. I don't blame them - this is a miserable depressing house! Dd1 is in college and looking to go as far away as possible to uni (don't blame her). Dd2 suffers as she can't have play dates here (would you want your child going to a house with a strange hermit man living there?) and she often flips out at ds when he ignores her or tells her to leave him alone. Only 2 of my friends know the situation, other friends have probably guessed but don't say anything. I put off seeing people in case the subject of ds comes up.
I feel guilty, powerless, embarrassed and utterly devastated. I've got my son but he's not my son. I care about him but don't feel the overwhelming love for him that I used to feel
Any help and advice much appreciated but please don't make me feel worse than I already do
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40 replies
Desperatelyseekinghelpandadvic · 06/07/2015 13:19
OP posts:
Theselittlelightsaremine ·
06/07/2015 13:47
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Theselittlelightsaremine ·
06/07/2015 13:49
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