To ask what is a good age to talk to DCs about periods/sex?

[kerrypn]

In the title really.... DS1 is almost 9 and has never shown any curiosity at all, DD is 6 and always asking questions, DS2 is nearly 5 so hes definitely too young (although he did dress up as a midwife recently "to get the baby out of DDs tummy" lol (his teacher has just gone on mat leave!)

[Showy]

When they ask generally. 5 isn't too young btw. My 5yo knew all about periods and reproduction in the same way that she knew about kidneys and lungs and respiration. She just asked a lot of questions about the human body. You might be surprised by what your 9yo does know or what he's heard in the playground. There are some books which are quite good at introducing reproduction if you want to start but are you sure your dd or other dc haven't told him stuff already or perhaps he's overheard your dd's questions so has never asked himself.

[Eastpoint]

At my dcs schools they 'did' reproduction, periods etc in year 5, we got a letter inviting us to come in & watch the video so we'd know what the children would see. Dc3 asked questions when she was in reception so I told her. DS was just horribly embarrassed about the whole subject & still is at 15.

[kerrypn]

I always answer honestly when they ask, DD is more curious about sanitary towels/tampons she asked once where babies came from and I explained about a seed from daddy and a seed from mummy (about a year ago and she never probed any further)

DS1 has never asked. I don't know whether I should be getting him a book to explain basics bit by bit ( I really don't want him learning everything from his mates!) I think I was about 12 before SM chucked an Usborne book at me said read to page 12 and no further and that was my sex ed :/ I don't want to do that for mine xx

[theeternalstudent]

I think it needs to be talked about as soon as they can talk and ask questions. You give them little bits of age appropriate information as you go along, when appropriate. That way there is no big conversation where there is a big reveal.

[PacificDogwood]

No age is 'too young', although there is 'too old' IMO - nothing worse than a girl having her first period and not knowing what's going on: how frightening must that be.

I think you need to speak to your DD(9) asap - she might just surprise you and know more than you think. Or she needs you to tell her all the fact.

I like the 'What's happening to me?" books - we have one for boys, and my DSs have certainly seen me having periods from any age (not so much be design btw, but because they never used to let me go to the bathroom on my own!).

[kerrypn]

I meant my 5 year old was a bit young for knowing all about sex tbh, I agree my DS who is 9 needs to know more than I have told him but he has never ever asked (he is ASD btw, so this may or may not complicate the issue in terms of he is just not interested!) TBH I feel much more confident telling DD about periods as like you Pacific she is always bursting in the bathroom she knows mummy has periods etc

[kerrypn]

sorry worded the last post badly, DD is 6, DS almost 9, im tired and missing out words now :/ haha
is it ok for me to get a book for DS1 do you think and see if once he has read it he wants to ask questions?

[elfycat]

DD1 (6) knows that I have a 'bleeding time' that is normal, to be shrugged off for the most part, and is to do with having babies. She knows it will happen to her when she is older. She understands that tampons 'go in the hole' I have used anatomical terms like vagina but am not pushing her to use it and that sanitary towels go in knickers. So far she thinks she will use towels and not tampons. I've told her it will be 5-8 years until it will happen to her. She had decided that she will be 11 when it happens to her and who am I to argue.

She knows the anatomical difference between men and women. She knows that babies are made from information from each. She knows about uterus/wombs and growing/birthing babies. This includes the direction she came out - normal, and her sister - back to back. She had not asked the method of delivery of DNA but I've set up that the daddy has to get his information to the mummy. We've discussed that inside the underwear areas are considered private and not to be shared unless in medical need.

We've used detailed anatomy and physiology books to look at all areas of anatomy including reproductive systems. When she asks questions I will answer until she indicated that she's finished learning.

DD2 (4) all of the above but in less detail as she's 2 years behind questioning.

[Devora]

I don't think it should be one conversation - too overwhelming - and I don't think any age is too young. By which I mean, I think it's best to add in more information gradually as they grow older. And if they weren't asking questions by age 6, I'd be volunteering information.

Thinking back, dd1 was asking by 4 where babies came from, and I would tell her about growing in tummies etc - she also had books about the human body that included reproduction in an age-appropriate way.

By 6, she knew about periods (she had spotted tampons in the bathroom). And about male and female seeds.

By 8, she knew about the basics of sex.

She is now 9, and beginning to show a real interest in HOW people have sex, and in how sperm gets out of willies. So we're talking about that, and she has a book that explains it too.

dd2 (5) thinks it's all disgusting and is determined to adopt. I discuss it with her less, because she's not so interested. But I'm confident that she hears it's an open topic for conversation, and there are books around should she be interested.

[JustCallMeBridget]

My mother (a nurse) told me about periods when I was 6. I was confused, frightened and petrified by the idea of blood. Blood at that age equates pain to a child.
With my elder daughter she was 8/9 and I haven't broached it with the younger one yet (almost 8) because she is just not ready.

[Doingakatereddy]

Goodness, hadn't dawned on me to talk to DS (5) about periods - I just shoo him out of bathroom he asked where babies came from - I replied 'ladies front bottoms', he said'YUK' and we left it there...
Am I meant to do any more than this by age of 5?!?

[nooka]

My children have known about periods since they were small. Both because they came into the bathroom when I had them and saw pads (and sometimes blood too) and because I sometimes feel quite rotten when I have my period. It's not something that freaked out ds or dd as we've always presented it as normal, just a (slightly annoying) part of life.

I'd certainly started conversations with them before they were five, mainly because they asked about my c-section scar and were just interested. I don't see reproduction as something not to talk about - my parents did and it was really unhelpful. I'd much rather my children had age appropriate correct information than get snippets of weird stuff from their school friends or their imaginations.

[kerrypn]

I agree that I want to be open with them-as I have said any question they ask I answer them fully (age appropriate) and always ask if they want to know anything else. My main worry is DS1 who has NEVER asked anything even remotely linked to this-I don't know how to initiate this at all, I don't want to overwhelm him with "a talk", but since he is probably never going to ask unless I initiate the conversation, what should I do? start with a book (he does like reading) and see what happens when he has read that?

[PacificDogwood]

kerry, every child and every family is different and you need to do what you feel is right.

However, my DS1's puberty came as a bit of surprise - he was around 10 when he became spotty and it was only a cramped family holiday in a caravan (no privacy to speak of) that made it clear he had pubic hair etc. His voice broke soon after.
So, I am ruddy glad that we had had all the relevant conversations well before that.

I agree with Devora that none of this should or needs to be one conversation and clearly a book is not enough either. The Talk is just a hideous and cringe-y concept in my eyes.
But repeated conversations, I think are important.
About far more than changing bodies and sex and period and babies and stuff, but about relationships and respect and, yes, consent. Now I don't think I've ever mentioned the word 'consent' with the DSs, but we certainly talk about not kissing anybody who does not want to be kiss (DS4 went through a rather slobbery, enthusiastic and undiscriminating kissing phase aged 3 or 4… ).

Doingakatereddy, I'd have said 'babies come from mummy's tummy and out of their vagina' and yes, left it at that after 'yuck'. A common response . I admit that I have an aversion to 'front bottom' and 'flower' and 'foofoo', although I also don't like the word 'vulva'. At least wrt babies 'vagina' is right

[kerrypn]

Thanks Pacific-how should I initiate this then, I always envisioned allowing my children to lead the conversation, I am less worried about my younger DCs as they do ask questions.

Sorry I am just at a loss on how to start :/

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

My DS is 5, and I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant so using it as an opportunity to teach him about how it all works. So far he's learned that
*) the seed comes from the man
*) the egg comes from the mummy
*) only 1 can win the race and it will grow into a baby in mummies tummy

*) he's watched an amazing video on you tube called something like 'we are all miracles' and it shows the sperm racing towards the egg and the baby slowly growing and coming out of the pelvis... Petty mesmerising

*) as he wants to be present at the home birth, he's been watching videos of women giving birth, so he's aware that it's painful for us, but he hasn't actually noticed that the baby comes out of the vagina

*) he's watched videos of woman doing pregnancy test... Obviously it's just the test developing! When they come up as pregnant he screams 'YESSSSS!'

*) he's attended an ultrasound scan to show the baby growing in my tummy.

But he doesn't yet know HOW the seeds are placed in mummy and that the baby comes out of the fanjo. Obviously he will learn the latter at the birth and I'm actually going to hold off the actual sex itself as long as possible.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to drip feed this sort of knowledge to children.

[PacificDogwood]

Oh, tricky one, isn't it?

I don't know, you could maybe start talking about him and some of his friends: 'Isn't it amazing how Bob is much taller/smaller than you? We are all so different. One day you might be taller than me." Mind always got a kick out of maybe one day being taller than me, so this opener might get you talking about heights and growing and muscles developing.
I am quite fond of the phrase 'hair in funny places', because it makes them giggle, they know what i mean and it avoids anything too technical.
Just talk to him. Compare the size of your hands. Talk about daddy shaving (or his beard) .

I don't know.

I was 8 months pregnant with DS3 when DSs1 and 2 were 5 and 4 respectively and nobody had asked anything at all, so eventually we felt we had to 'warn' them that there was going to be a baby sooner rather than later, so we had the whole 'baby in mummy's tummy' conversation then. They still did not ask how it got there though… That came later.

[kerrypn]

Thanks Pacific :) I wouldn't mind but I am one of the least embarrassed people in the world about sex and bodies! I will start dropping little bits into conversation and see if that makes him curious. Unfortunately I fear I am going to have to frame this in Star Wars and football, talk about anything else and he just switches off!!

[PacificDogwood]

Well, Star Wars has quite a hot love story going on, doesn't it?
There you go

[AuntieStella]

Well, at least Padme and Anakin do have sex, so start by rewatching the episode where they have the twins. You can probably start by noting how much they've missed out from the on-screen version.

(I can't think of a positive role model from the world of football).

[CalicoBlue]

With my DS and DD I used to read them 'Mummy laid an egg' by Babette Cole. Very funny and gives them the basics to talk about, this would have been from around 4+.

I have always answered their questions fully. My DD at about 7 told me she knew that I and her DF had sex three times, once for DS, one mc and her. I explained that sex was a part of a loving relationship between a couple and most couples would have sex every week, as it helped them bond, was a lovely experience and way a way of expressing love to each other. She did think that was yuk and said that she hoped we had not had sex when she was in the house.

When DS was 11 he talked to me about his thoughts and sexual feelings emerging, was talked about how normal they were and as he got older they would make more sense and he would be ready for sex, but at 11 it was just his body changing. I think that because I have always been open about sex he felt comfortable talking to me like this.

I think that they do pick up a lot at school, on TV and Social Media, so as a parent it is important to give them the correct information for them to understand that sex is a normal healthy fact of life.

[jamtoast12]

Dd is 9 and whilst she knows I have monthly bleeds, she used to describe them as 'cuts on my bum'! I've explained lots but as a previous poster says, for many kids, bleeding goes alongside pain and they don't alwAys fully understand.

I'm the only parent amongst my friends who has had any conversation about this as yet so I don't think there's a rush. I think mums net is a different variety group.

I remember having the period talk at school age 10 and not fully understanding it as it was too much detail. I'd rather wait and tell them all facts at an age they understand them than bits of info which they don't get, even if they say they do.

My dds do not know what sex is and I don't see why they need to tbh at 9&7. None of their friends are discussing it as far as I know, most of their mums haven't spoken about it yet either. Whilst I don't disagree, I'd be shocked if dd9 started asking about sperm etc - I'd have the conversation if she did, but given most of her school friends are pretty sheltered, I certainly wouldn't want to encourage talk about stuff like that on the playground yet. I just don't see the need, why can't that wait til they're older?

For me, I think 10+ is more appropriate as many just worry about stuff before then and simply don't grasp it.

[DanyStormborn]

I'd say when they ask but only to the level they can understand but if no curiosity by 8 I would initiate a conversation about it as puberty can start early.

[HouseBaelish]

DD is 8 and has known about periods for ages.

She came with me to the bathroom, and saw me changing tampons etc so I've just dealt with it in a matter of fact way.

She knows babies come from mummy's tummy and that they come from the vagina etc. We also had a lenghty discussion on the use of forceps in Castle Museum. Thanks darling

[Devora]

I've always tried to make periods sound like not a big deal, and been clear that it is not traumatic: "Every month a bit of blood comes out - it's not like normal blood you get when you cut or hurt yourself - it's just a sign that your body is ready to make a baby". They seem quite relaxed with that.

Oh, and my gran started her periods at 9; dd1 is showing early signs of development and I wouldn't be surprised if hers started sooner rather than later. I think knowing about periods is definitely something for late primary rather than secondary.