Can I join the 'I have a shitty husband's club'?
When DS was born three years ago, I thought that DH and I would be equals in the parenting department, not so much when I was on maternity leave, but certainly when I went back to work full time as a teacher, I thought DH would do his fair share. I was wrong. Very, very wrong. I have had enough now, especially as I am requesting part time hours and he isn't supportive!?!?!?
My DH persuaded me to swap from breast to bottle because I was having a breakdown with the constant breast feeding. He claimed he would do his fair share. He did the bedtime bottle. It lasted six weeks before he started doing night time work on our kitchen extension. So I was the one who fed our child for the first six months and alongside being weaned up to 9 months - day and night, even when I returned to work.
He has NEVER changed a nappy. Refused, except when I went back to work and it was parents evening or I had that one social night out at Christmas time. In fact, I was the one who potty trained DS and cleaned him up when he had accidents. Still do. I was hanging the washing out once when DH shouted at me from the kitchen to tell me DS had done a poo in his pants.
Bath and bedtime routine was supposed to be shared. He did the bathing of DS as a tiny baby. Again, lasted six weeks until the kitchen extension 'took over'. I STILL do the bath and bedtime routine. DH has never bathed him since being two months old and only does bedtime if, like I said before I am doing parents evening or out for that rare one night a year Christmas party.
DH never cares for him when he is ill. I get up in the night, even when back to work full time, I am the one who comforts him, takes him to the GP (he did it once when CM made an appointment and it was him who picked him up), gets his inoculations and the one who takes time off work when he is too sick to go to the childminders. Hence why in 2012/13 I was called into the office to discuss my absences due to my own increase in illnesses (coming back after mat leave) as well as sickly child. In fact when I have been off work sick, DH expects me to take DS to childminders AND pick him up. I did this when off with flu and step throat. It led to a serious reaction to antibiotics, a near collapse, bronchitis and an ear infection before Christmas 2012. When I had strep throat after spending a week at home with DS because he (rare but he did) come out with the measles rash three weeks after his MMR, I got up three times in the night, up at 5am with him and had to 'care for him' whilst DH pottered outside. When he napped, I napped but had to get up when DS woke.
I was the one who weaned him. I fed him when he wasn't self feeding (partially baby led weaned) and the one who prepared all food.
I take him to social events. Parties, soft play, classes etc. DH began to show an interest in DS when he started walking and will now quite happily have him outside when he is 'doing jobs' like washing the cars. But if he is cold, he brings him in, tells me and shuts the door.
One thing DH always did when we were out together was push the pram. That was a job he seemed quite happy with. When holidaying, I was the one who had to 'deal with him' on the plane journey - 4 hours of a toddler demanding to walk up and down the aisle on a plane loaded with older, unsympathetic holidaymakers.
I never have a lie-in. DS wakes between 6-7am. I am always the one to get up, and DS expects it now, and goes downstairs. DH stays in bed, with his ipad and often doesn't venture downstairs til 8:30am.
DH does do his 'fair share' around the house. He will vacuum, mop floors, cook 5/6 times a week, load the dishwasher, responsible for the fire, wash cars, fix things and does the outdoor jobs, although those jobs are often just him moving stuff about and 'tidying up'.
I clean the bathrooms, sometimes vacuum because DH does a shit job, clean and tidy the kitchen, utility, tidy away and sort DS's toys, washing, ironing, cook at weekends and during non-term time, make beds, tidy bedrooms, do the shopping - all whilst doing practically all the parenting and hours of school work every night and weekend.
I am currently on sick leave with work related stress; stress that could be halved if DH opened his eyes and realised I am doing too much. Before I went sick my day consisted like this:
7am I was leaving for work an hours drive away. Before that time, I got myself and DS up and dressed. DH takes DS to childminders. I used to last couple of years but found I was rushing too much in a morning at work.
Leave work at 5pm, even if jobs not done as DS needs to be picked up before 6pm (the little monster is in childcare 10 hours a day, 5 days a week). Get home for about 6:15-6:30pm depending on discussions about DS's day. Sometimes he is plonked in front of the tv whilst I get out up to 90 exercise books to mark; all needing in depth comments and corrections and extension tasks. I do bedtime routine at 7pm whilst DH cooks tea. DS in bed between 7:30-7:45pm, I eat tea, sometimes whilst marking, then spend the rest of the evening marking work. Whether it is done or not, I am in bed by 10:45 and wonder why I am shattered, crying all the time and feel like an utter failure. His evenings are spent watching HIS programmes and being on the iPad.
I am pregnant with number two. He doesn't like me being off sick, doesn't understand that I have work related pressures on my shoulders and has not given me support to go part time. I am literally breaking.
Sorry for epic post and high jacking, but I was about to post something similar to your post Lucciana