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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I grounded my 10 year old daughter for a month for kicking her brother in the groin

108 replies

TiffanyG · 14/08/2014 07:48

So my 10 year old daughter and 13 year old son were arguing over their favorite chair and it got pretty heated. She's slapped him and pulled his hair before, but tonight she kicked him in the groin as hard as she could. He was on the floor for quite a while and he's still pretty sore. I'm scared she could make him sterile if she did that again so I grounded her for a month. AIBU?

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 14/08/2014 07:50

Yes.

BarbarianMum · 14/08/2014 07:51

YA

Original poster
TiffanyG · 14/08/2014 07:53

He was in serious pain for about 15 minutes. She was wearing her softball shoes so it probably hurt worse than usual. Is there a more reasonable way to punish her?

OP posts:
cungryhatterpillar · 14/08/2014 07:53

Yabu. A month is way ott. She'll be so resentful by mid September she'll have forgotten what she did was bad. Wasn't it enough to show her how much pain she had caused?

BarbarianMum · 14/08/2014 07:54

YANBU they are too old to be violent during an argument. Assuming he wasn't physically attacking her (in which case it was self defence and he should be grounded) she needs to learn that hitting and kicking are really not on.

Springcleanish · 14/08/2014 07:55

Yes - a month! Are you really going to see that through for the rest of the holiday - aren't you punishing yourself more? At 10 you can explain why it was such an inappropriate thing to do surely. TBH he's 3 years older and should be able to withdraw himself from petty arguments before the fighting starts.

odyssey2001 · 14/08/2014 07:55

At that she I think it is OTT and it is the summer holidays, so you are making trouble for yourself. A more suitable or shorter sanction would be fine. Grounding for one or two days in her bedroom or a week of no screens etc. A letter of apology would also be a good idea. It is not too late to change your mind. Just explain you made that decision in the heat of the moment.

odyssey2001 · 14/08/2014 07:56

At that age...

LingDiLong · 14/08/2014 07:57

Are you really going to be able to stick to it for a month? And won't it just encourage simmering resentment for the whole time? I would say a week is more sensible. Also how about getting her to do something to apologise? A chat with her when she's calm about how to handle her temper could help too.

Original poster
TiffanyG · 14/08/2014 07:57

She seemed pretty happy that she managed to get the chair until she realized how much trouble she was in. And her brother didn't attack her. Just a lot of yelling and then the kick came. I'm going to ground her, but is 2 weeks more reasonable?

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 14/08/2014 07:59

I think a month is a bit ott, particularly if you consider that it's the summer holidays - you've shot yourself in the foot a bit there. You'll have a grumpy pre-teen moaning at you until she goes back to school. On the other hand, she's old enough to know not to use violence in an argument, surely. Did he hit her at any point? A week would probably have been more appropriate for your own sanity...

SanityClause · 14/08/2014 08:00

Wouldn't banning her from the chair be more effective?

3stripesandout · 14/08/2014 08:00

YANBU. That's vicious and dangerous and purely aimed somewhere she knew would hurt.

If your son had kicked her in the vagina or punched her in the face I think you'd be getting different responses.

MrsBigginsPieShop · 14/08/2014 08:00

Over a chair??!!

Anyway, Yabu. Short and sharp punishment would have been better and not a long drawn out one that will most likely affect you just as much!

DogCalledRudis · 14/08/2014 08:04

A month is too long. By that time both will have forgotten.

ChasedByBees · 14/08/2014 08:05

I think she deserves a harsh punishment. She's above the age of criminal responsibility - she could get in much more trouble if she did that to someone else.

I'd probably go for something harsher but more short lived though - no TV, no games, no phone, no chair etc and grounded for a week.

Finola1step · 14/08/2014 08:07

I think you have got it pretty right. A month might be long, but what she did was awful. You know you can't back down. You could consider her "earning" back some of her free time.

And arguing over a "favourite" chair? Ban them both from it or get it out. Then they can both sit somewhere else.

BarbarianMum · 14/08/2014 08:08

springcleanish he should learn to avoid conflict so he isn't assaulted? Really? Would you have given the same advice if he'd been a girl being hurt by her brother?

Siblings do fight but if the OP's dd had done this in school she'd be excluded.

whois · 14/08/2014 08:08

TBH he's 3 years older and should be able to withdraw himself from petty arguments before the fighting starts

So the younger sibling ALWAYS gets their way because the older one should just 'withdraw'. Fuck that. That's how mega spoilt baby sisters happen.

Kicking him in the groin is unacceptable. But a month is a long time.

How about a week grounding and a month not allowed on the good chair?

deakymom · 14/08/2014 08:08

what does she like doing? my daughter loses her reading and laptop if she is bad we tend not to ground her because she doesn't really go out

hit her metaphorically where it hurts

Original poster
TiffanyG · 14/08/2014 08:09

Okay, I'm going to shorten the grounding because as young as she is, it will seem like eternity to her. However, I am going to explain to her how dangerous it can be to hit a boy in the groin. Hopefully that helps

OP posts:
hesterton · 14/08/2014 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DepressedMom · 14/08/2014 08:12

I don't think you are necessarily BU but I wouldn't have grounded her for a month. I'd ban her from using that chair.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2014 08:13

I'd also be explaining to her that assault is a criminal offence.

Is she generally violent when she doesn't get her own way?

I'm also appalled by the suggestion upthread that the boy is somehow responsible for being assaulted.

LingDiLong · 14/08/2014 08:14

Yes definitely explain. Also explain how much trouble she would have been in had she done that outside the home - someone else could have pressed charges. I would also be tempted to ban her from the chair completely.