AIBU to be annoyed by friends comment re my a&e visit?

(36 Posts)
Mixedupmind Sun 11-May-14 10:35:46

I have 2 other threads on this which outlines the whole rigmarole but basically Friday was spent going from a&e to the doctors to be send to another a&e to be sent home with no concerns.
All comes from a bump on my sons head which is still there 6 weeks later along with him having a history of a haemorrage as a baby where he had to have a craniomoty so combined with this lump and then a few indents I found and no docs appts I went to a&e.
Anyway, discussing this with my friend last night who asked if they asked me to remove his clothes at a&e - they did at both hospitals.
The first hospital asked me to strip him completely felt around his stomach checked his movement of arms and legs etc, the second hospital did the same but didn't ask me to remove his underwear.
Friend said that they did this when her son had an accident at home ( he had fallen into their coffee table and head needing gluing ) but apparently they told her they check for abuse signs especially in head injuries / injuries in the home.
This has made me quite sad that they might have thought that but also annoyed as the way she said it was almost like she wanted me to worry and be concerned someone might come out to us as she had a health visitor call her after offering a safety in the home check

MrsHende Sun 11-May-14 10:38:10

Could she maybe just have been giving you advance warning so that you didn't worry if a health visitor came out?

BerniesBurneze Sun 11-May-14 10:39:31

Yabu, she's just sharing her similar experiences. She sounds like she was distressed and unprepared for it and wanted you to have some awareness.

She's probably wrong, but I'm sure she saw the similarities and thought the same would happen.

Dramatic Sun 11-May-14 10:40:04

Maybe she was just warning you but worded it badly?

Hazchem Sun 11-May-14 10:40:37

They have to check don't they. They have to make sure. Not because of your but because they have a duty to their patient which in the case is the child.
If you think your friend is trying to wind you up then that is not great or fair. Is it something she would do? Try to make you feel bad?

i know it made you sad but there are doing their job. which they have to. why should anyone be above suspicion?

CoffeeTea103 Sun 11-May-14 10:41:17

Yabu, why should the doctors not make sure that his injuries are valid? She's just stating something which you didn't think about and now you are taking it as some sort of accusation against you.

again with health visitors, they have a job to do. dont take it personally, be grateful if a health visitor does visit, they are so over stretched.

Mixedupmind Sun 11-May-14 10:47:43

I'm not sure, she can be quite a cold person in general and it came accross more as in " I've had one so you'll have one " type of comment rather than anything else which is why I've taken it the way I have.
Looking back on the day I didn't think at the time why they were asking me to strip him off even though the problem I was asking about is on his head, but clearly that's what they were thinking then.
It hurts maybe a little bit more as obviously when he had his accident as a baby we were interviewed by social services before they agreed how the injury happened.
Still was horrendous so maybe I'm a little over sensitive about it.

Proudmummytodc2 Sun 11-May-14 10:50:46

my health visitor told me that if you go to hospital with you DC for a bang on the head the.hospital automatically phones health visitor for a "follow up" to make sure DC is ok and.they have to talk to you about child safety also my friend said her health visitor assessed he home and told her everything that was not child friendly to get rid of it e.g. glass coffee table ect but thats all.they have to.notify healtg vositor.just for a follow.up to see how DC is so dont worry they are just tryin to protect children.evn.though we find.it upsetting and.fustrating

sorry about all the miatakes i cant work this phone

Swex Sun 11-May-14 11:02:21

No one should be offended by a whole body check of a child after an injury. It's in place to try and avoid incidences like poor baby peter. Health professionals can't pick and choose who they examine properly, you should take it as good thorough care from your health professionals and that he has no other injuries for you to worry about after the head bump. It's always good to get everything checked over.

Sirzy Sun 11-May-14 11:06:01

Health visitors are informed of all visits by children to A and E and should follow them up even if just to make sure everything is ok now.

I have no issue with A and E staff looking out for signs of abuse, actually i think it is vital that they do!

Mixedupmind Sun 11-May-14 11:09:16

Thankyou for the replies
I do understand why they need to do it, I actually thought nothing of it at the time.
The bump was 6 weeks ago, he's seen the doctor in bwetween and we only went to a&e as our doctor had been off sick all week and then I found another indent and thought if it is related to his previous surgery I don't want to wait around to see if the doctor is back this week coming.
I think she probably thinks as her son had a health visitor come why shouldnt we, but she also said the doctor at the first hospital who has ordered bloods and is organising an outpatients appt for a months time once bloods are back might be wanting him back to check him over again!
I hope this isn't the case although of course she can if she wants do during the appointment

was your friend offended by her having health visitor appointment?

Icimoi Sun 11-May-14 11:23:56

Sounds to me more like your friend was making conversation and letting you know what to expect rather than trying to upset you.

MaoamMuncher Sun 11-May-14 11:25:56

Sorry but they always check for signs of abuse, don't be offended, they're doing their job and your child is vulnerable and none verbal.

My ds is 13 and classed as vulnerable due to his SN, on a recent visit he was checked over and taken to a side room to be asked how what had happened (( been play fighting with his sister and she'd kicked him, he wouldn't put foot down )) his SW ((children with disabilities team )) was also informed.

It didnt offend me in the slightest, whilst I didn't like the thought I'd harm my child id rather parents be made to feel uncomfortable for a short time than have any children slip through the net that may well be suffering horribly at home.

Mixedupmind Sun 11-May-14 11:30:57

Yes she was deeply offended by the asking to
Remove his clothes and even more offended by the health visitor visit.
She was very angry about " being treated like a criminal " so maybe that's why she was asking about my experience, to see if I'd had the same procedures done etc.
I hope the doctors understand why there was a delay in my attendance, as id seen a nurse and the gp instead who had both told me to stop worrying and stop touching the bump!
But when I felt the indents I thought that if it was something to do with his surgery, the hospital would be better equipped to deal

Florabeebaby Sun 11-May-14 11:47:01

They keep an eye on these things. We had to take DD to A&E 3 times in as many days after she broke her collarbone. She was 2.
HV called and came to see us afterwards. I was happy for her to come, we explained the situation and the fact that drs were unable to diagnose the break as it did not show on an x-ray until day 3. DD was happily playing by day 4.
It's their job, I was happy to comply.

MaoamMuncher Sun 11-May-14 11:50:02

It sounds like she just wanted confirmation that she wasn't the only one to be treated that way.......your HV may well visit to see if all is ok, but so what ??

My attitude to this sort of thing is if there's nothing to hide then there isn't anything to worry about. The most important thing is that the children who need it are being kept safe.

ZebraLovesKnitting Sun 11-May-14 11:57:48

Sounds a bit like your friend was just warning you that you might get a visit etc. I guess that's your hospital's policy.

My 3 year-old DS had a big bump to the head then started vomiting copiously a few months ago, so I took him to A&E. They didn't strip him or look him over at all, & I haven't had any contact from the health visitor or anybody at all, so I'm guessing your hospital's a bit more on the ball with this sort of thing.

Hope you DS is ok now.

sashh Sun 11-May-14 12:05:24

A proper medical examination of anyone should include what you describe. Don't worry, they were checking his general health not specifically looking for signs of abuse although they would show up during an examination.

Another thing that is looked at is if your story changes/doesn't tally with the injury.

My mother found this when my brother fell down a banking and she made him have a bath before taking him to hospital.

A completely clean child who's parent claims he was out playing and fell down an embankment does, quite rightly, ring alarm bells.

Kundry Sun 11-May-14 12:16:06

Some people are reassured that health professionals think this about everyone and pleased that it helps children at risk, even though it can be stressful for them as parents.

Some people are affronted that anyone could think this of them ever.

It sounds like your friend is the latter and you are the former. I think your approach is healthier.

Mixedupmind Sun 11-May-14 12:23:47

Thanks for your replies again!
Yes even though I've had the history with social sevices which was horrendous im glad they did their job and checked my story out before letting us just walk out.
Looking back he probably didn't need to go to a&e but with no doctor around and the weekend coming up I wasn't happy so done what I felt best.
I'm sure if they were concerned about what I'd told them they would have said this but if a health visitor wants to contact us that's fine.
She has made me wonder if the doctor is getting me back in a months time for some other reason though as she said it would be very unusual for them to get me back for the blood results rather than just send to the gp :-(

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 11-May-14 14:44:54

I've seen quite a few threads from you on the topic of your son's head and, in the nicest possible way, I think your anxiety is running away with you and making every little thing into a bigger thing. Of course it's understandable that this is upsetting and scary for you but I do think you've lost perspective.

Maybe do something nice and relaxing for yourself and try to chill out a little .

Mixedupmind Sun 11-May-14 18:04:06

Candy,
Thankyou for your comment and I think you're right.
I just panic with him after his head injury as a baby, I guess some of that anxiety is understandable but I need to rein it in

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