to think its rude not to say where your going?

(47 Posts)
NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 20:56:51

Dp took dsd home three hours ago. She lives 5 mins drive away. He said he would pop in on his mum on the way home but he won't still be there now. He doesn't get on well with her at the best of times, less after she's had a drink and she starts drinking at 8.

So basically he has gone to his friends, I am fairly sure which friend, he will probably be home in an hour/hour and a half.

However even though I reckon I know where he is, AIBU to think its rude not to let mw know where he was going or at least roughly how long he would be. Dropping dsd off and popping into his mums would take an hour, an hour and a half tops.

So am I being overly controlling or is he being rude. I wouldn't just bugger off leaving him with the dc without checking if he had plans or letting him know where I was going.

blanchedeveraux Sun 23-Mar-14 20:59:40

I don't really understand what you're complaining about. My DH often nips out and has a coffee and a guitar jam with his mate en route to someplace else. If he's been away for ages I just assume that's where he is. If I need him to come back pronto I just text him and ask him to make his way home.

TwixTime Sun 23-Mar-14 21:00:49

Is this normal? I'd personally be a bit worried by now as my dh wouldn't be out that long without saying anything. I would have called by now probably- see what his explanation is then I'd be having a go for making me worry!

NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 21:02:00

I just think its rude, I am prepared to be told I am unreasonable though.

I just wouldn't go out without saying where/ how long I would be.

Also massive drip feed but I just didn't think to mention it, his mobile is broken.

TwixTime Sun 23-Mar-14 21:03:15

I didn't see the part where he said he'd be at his mums- probably wouldn't be too worried in that case although still think he could have said if was going to be long so still think yanbu

NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 21:03:33

TwixTime I think that's what bugs me, he could of had an accident and I wouldn't know.

Its not common as such but definitely not the first time he has done it.

Coldlightofday Sun 23-Mar-14 21:04:09

I think it is polite to let the person looking after your children roughly when you'll be back. Not so bothered about where though tbh.

Ex partner would say 'I won't be home until tomorrow' and I was ok with that, didn't need an itinerary.

vexedfoxy Sun 23-Mar-14 21:04:20

I am not quite sure what the issue is? Is he meant to be at home doing something? Is he having an affair?...........

redexpat Sun 23-Mar-14 21:04:28

It's not rude exactly, bloody inconsiderate and possibly foolish. In the event of something happening to him, you wouldn't know where to tell the police to start looking for him.

Hassled Sun 23-Mar-14 21:06:26

I think it's rude. If I go out I tell DH where I'm going, and vice versa.

NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 21:07:12

No I don't think he is having an affair and I don't mind him going out, I just like to be kept in the loop. We have young children so if one of us is out the other is therefore responsible for the kids. I wouldn't just bugger off without letting him know so expect him to offer me the same consideration.

DH and I let each other know where we're going. It's polite.

vexedfoxy Sun 23-Mar-14 21:09:40

Got you, right. Does not hurt to give a rough ETA but I can often be distracted and drop into see someone else. Always on the 'phone however.

NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 21:12:01

I think he must be easily distract too, probably just thought oh I will pop into friends too and lost track of time. Mumsnet just makes it easy to have a moan.

TwixTime Sun 23-Mar-14 21:15:51

I think you are right to be a bit miffed but do agree mn responses can get things way out of proportion!

Next present for your dp is a new phone smile

peggyundercrackers Sun 23-Mar-14 21:18:40

I often go out and say I'm only going to be an hour or whatever and always end up gabbing, lose track of time and get back 4 hours later. If we have nothing on then I never get in touch because I genuinely loose track of time. Oh does the same sometimes, we don't fret over it, that's life...

I think Yabu.

NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 21:24:50

Definitely a new phone. Mind you he probably would just leave it at home anyway. I have a previous thread about him doing that and not coming back for hours when he knew dsd was coming for the afternoon. So basically he assumed I would be there to look after her.

Peggy maybe I need to do it too then and I wouldn't feel that its so rude. Its not a major problem, we wont have a row or anything, I am just bored and thought I would have a whinge to the mumsnet masses.

SybilRamkin Sun 23-Mar-14 21:25:11

YANBU - even if he wasn't planning to go and see his friend before going out, a quick phone call/text to let you know is basic manners.

Madmartigan Sun 23-Mar-14 21:34:00

I'd have the hump too, not BU.

TwittyMcTwitterson Sun 23-Mar-14 21:41:57

YANBU. It's simple etiquette and respect for another adult to tell them where you are going. DDs dad doesn't...

AcrossthePond55 Sun 23-Mar-14 21:53:20

YANBU. You don't need a minute by minute itinerary, just a 'Running to the shop's & then to Mum's. Shouldn't be gone more than 2 hours' or whatever. DH & I routinely do this & also call/text if we're going to be much longer than we'd thought. It's only considerate.

EST0106 Sun 23-Mar-14 22:01:40

I'd be seriously pissed off! It would never cross my mind to not tell DH roughly where I was going and when I'd be back, especially if he was looking after DD. A) he'd be worried something had happened if I was hours later than I'd said, and b) it's common courtesy! yANBU

NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 22:09:34

Bit of a mixed response but a fair few agree its basic manners. He is back now and made me a brew and gave me hug so I think he realised he was a bit inconsiderate.

Pilgit Sun 23-Mar-14 22:10:11

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I hate this kind of thing. But then, I have had it drilled into me from a young age - we had one rule for everyone when I was a child - you told whoever was at home where you were going, when you'd be back and who you were going with. If you were going to be late - you phoned (15min tolerance given). This applied to everyone - my parents did this too. A lot of people I have met since have thought this oppressive, I didn't and don't. We never had a curfew - if the time back was 3.30am, then that was fine as long as it didn't turn into 4.30am (my mother wouldn't sleep properly whilst we were out). To this day - and I've lived out of home at uni and now in my own house - if we're going away I let her know and when we're going to be home. Admittedly the last bit is a bit weird as I'm 36! However, the first bit I think is just polite.

NachoAddict Sun 23-Mar-14 22:29:13

I think that was a fair and sensible rule. I am dreading the sc growing up and going out. If I worry about dp when he is "late" then I will be really worried about the dc.

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