To do progressive waiting (CIO) Ferber method

(47 Posts)
GiveMeVegemite Tue 18-Mar-14 19:40:06

Basically I am so tired I could cry.... I'm literally surviving on 2 hours sleep a night and my poor baby isn't getting the rest he needs either.

My DS is 6 months old. Every night, every night waking and every nap he needs to be rocked to sleep and then held the majority of the time he is asleep. I know I'm to blame, but we both need to sleep and he needs to learn how to sleep without me.

I have a 20 month old who always settled himself really well and I could leave him to cry for a few minutes, knowing he would fall asleep, but my DS2 is so clingy it is a whole different ball game.

So please don't slate me, I'm at my wits end. If anyone plans on staying up late I could use some hand holding cos my DH is at work and I don't know if I will be able to let him cry! sad

AcrylicPlexiglass Tue 18-Mar-14 19:47:53

Is that like controlled crying where you go in and say shhh shhh at increasing intervals but not pick up or stay long? I did a wimps version of that never increasing further than 5 mins before starting again from 1 mon and it worked and was a lifesaver. Good luck.

GiveMeVegemite Tue 18-Mar-14 19:50:43

acrylic yeah it's in intervals so 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes etc but I'm going in every 5 minutes max! He sleeps in a side crib on my bed so ill literally be 20cm away from him the whole time to make sure he's ok, but just shhhhing and stroking at the timed intervals. Dreading it.

CountessOfRule Tue 18-Mar-14 19:52:59

Timed intervals is CC (controlled crying) not CIO which is just shutting the door and leaving them to it.

Good luck tonight. Don't make any decisions after midnight.

LiberalLibertine Tue 18-Mar-14 19:54:43

So you're going to be right there, just not picking him up? Can it work like that? I thought you had to leave?

GiveMeVegemite Tue 18-Mar-14 19:55:50

Ha. Thanks! That's good advice. I'll make a plan and stuck to it. Oh ok, not leaving him! Just not rocking him!

dolphinsandwhales Tue 18-Mar-14 19:57:33

Could you lay with him in your bed? Dd always needed comfort at night and we both got loads of sleep by co sleeping. I'm not a fan of leaving a baby to cry.

WestieMamma Tue 18-Mar-14 19:59:23

I was in the same position 2 weeks ago. I was at breaking point. Then I stumbled across a thread in the sleep forum which has saved my sanity. I can't link as I'm on my phone, I think it's called 'what worked for us' or something like that. You'll be able to find it if you search for my posts. My little one went from being awake most of the night to sleeping through straight away. It was miraculous.

GiveMeVegemite Tue 18-Mar-14 20:01:15

dolphin I do co sleep and he used to love co sleeping (and so did/do I) but now he just wakes up constantly and I have to sit up and rock him. When I try to lie down it wakes him up and the cycle repeats....

GiveMeVegemite Tue 18-Mar-14 20:02:27

westie oh wow I'll try and find it. I would much rather him not have to cry if I can help it

ivanapoo Tue 18-Mar-14 20:07:14

How long has it been going on?

If just a few weeks it could be developmental?

I feel your pain... I rocked my DS to sleep for every nap and bedtime for months. Sometimes he'd scream whether I rocked him or not. It sometimes took an hour or more of rocking for him to sleep for 20 minutes - I think in our case he was easily overstimulated/overtired but very rarely showed any signs of tiredness such as yawning, rubbing eyes, going quiet etc.

justsodamntired Tue 18-Mar-14 20:09:59

I did it this week with my 7 month old. Also did it with my DS when he was 6 months. I thought it kinder to do it when they were young (but over 6 months). Worked in one night with my DS and three with my DD.

I go in every few minutes or when I feel they sound really cross / upset. I don't pick up but rub their back/ tummy and say 'go to sleep now' a few times then leave again and that makes them even crosser at first but then they taper off and go to sleep.

I swear by it but you've got to be absolutely consistent and you'll need your DH on board. PM me if you want any more details or want support! smile

GiveMeVegemite Tue 18-Mar-14 20:10:13

It has been going on since day 1! So 6 months of no sleep. He wouldn't sleep in the crib in the hospital, only on me and that's evolved to only on me, but needing to be rocked too!

TarkaTheOtter Tue 18-Mar-14 20:10:58

The thread mentions above uses the "gradual retreat" method. It does involve crying (in most cases) but not "leaving to cry".

GiveMeVegemite Tue 18-Mar-14 20:12:07

justso my DH has temporarily moved into the spare room and said to get him when I relent. He doesn't think ill last 5 mins....

Thanks for the support

Waltonswatcher1 Tue 18-Mar-14 20:12:37

6 mths is young for cc . Be gentle with the little one and yourself !
Are you sure this isn't related to solids? Am guessing you have started those about now . If baby went from ok to awful at night I would look at a reason for it .

Gen35 Tue 18-Mar-14 20:12:42

Can you get a family member to give you a break for a couple of days so you can formulate a plan, hard to implant a plan and try strategies when dog tired. Fwiw, cc worked for us but agree you must be consistent or it makes it worse.

Waltonswatcher1 Tue 18-Mar-14 20:14:22

Just reread its been an issue forever !
You sure it's not silent reflux ?

olympicsrock Tue 18-Mar-14 20:14:50

Could it possibly be that your baby is a light sleeper? You say that he wakes when you lie down. At 4 months DS was like this. We put him in his own room and he slept better. Seemed to need a quiet calm environment as he was overtired. Perhaps you could put a piece of your clothing in with him. Then try controlled crying.
Alternatively how about a toy to cuddle as a comforter so that he is less dependent on you.

springbabydays Tue 18-Mar-14 20:15:13

This method worked for us, three nights later he was sleeping through the night.

The only difference is we went 5,7,10 then 12 minutes never went more than 12 minutes. The crying part was awful and we had tears of our own but it was worth it. Our quality of life was so much better.

maddening Tue 18-Mar-14 20:23:07

my ds had to be swaddled for ages till around nine months to go longer than half an hour unless he was held - he rolled earlyish at 12 weeks so that with a strong startle reflex is what did it imo- I was an active sleeper as I used to sleep talk and sleep walk a lot so maybe we're just active sleepers as a family so it wakes him up.

he also got v dependent on feeding to sleep so we coslept from 10 mths till over 2 when an operation I had forced the issue and with dp cosleeping with him instead of me he went from waking for feeds and cosleeping to sleeping through in his own bed in a few days with no fuss or tears really! He still sometimes wakes but I can usually pop him back to sleep in minutes.

maddening Tue 18-Mar-14 20:25:33

ps silent reflux is a good thing to check for - am sure drs can check for it - so at least rule it in/out

MissMess Tue 18-Mar-14 20:27:01

He is six months? Can´t he sleep in the bed, with you?
Might save both of you for tears and despair.
Or, rock him if that is what he need right now. He is still very young. It won't last forever, even if it feels like that now.

Sharaluck Tue 18-Mar-14 20:42:29

I think that sounds fine. You won't be leaving him long and you will be comforting him in his cot so he will have you there.

Please be aware that sleep training doesn't always work and it is not a magic bullet to sleep problems.

Sleep problems are often simply developmental and children grow out of them in time naturally.

Good luck!

OP (and fellow Aussie, judging by your username?) you're describing a very adapted gradual withdrawal method, not CIO or Ferber by any definition. You have to do what you have to do to cope and I think what you've described - keeping your DS in a co-sleeper cot right next to you and just not rocking - is fine. Just a word of caution - it's always very encouraging to hear the many 'mine was sleeping through in three nights of this' story. My DS was just like yours, and he most certainly was not sleeping through in three nights when I did what you're describing, but it did cut the night wakings down a little bit and reduce his reliance on me to get to sleep. Even when I did progress to proper Ferber CC when he was in his own room it still didn't work - some babies just will not respond to it, despite popular belief, but we got to a point where co-sleeping was very pleasant and manageable. We've now started working with this amazing sleep consultant to break his co-sleeping 'habit' and, at 21 months, I'm quietly starting to think we're getting somewhere.

Good luck smile

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