Re 'date night' with DH

[HellsGranny]

DH and I haven't been out together without the kids for well over 6 months, it's become a huge issue for me. We're having problems & seeing Relate so it's really important for us to spend time together.

Anyway, DH's idea of a perfect date night is a trip to the cinema but to me that's 2 hours sitting in a dark room not interacting. My idea of a date night is a meal or drink out where we sit and chat & enjoy each other's company.

I know neither of us is being unreasonable and I'm sure we'll find a compromise but I just wondered what others though.

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

Cinema following a meal and a drink.

[BohemianGirl]

Cinema followed by a meal. Cinema gives you something to talk about.

If you just go for the meal, you will run out of conversation by the main course

[HellsGranny]

True, but unfortunately this time due to time/money issues cinema AND a meal isn't really an option.

It was more an 'AIBU to want to go out & actually talk to my DH' thread but that was an awfully long thread title!

[GertBySea]

Cinema and just a drink afterwards or
Cinema and bottle of wine at home afterwards with no telly on or
Alternate cinema and meal each month or whatever your frequency is.
I'm with you- I would rather chat than sit in the dark, but my DH is like yours so we have to mix it up.

[gamerchick]

Me and the husband take it in turns when we have our monthly date night. He likes the cinema as well (im not a fan) could you maybe get there early.. have something to eat and couple of drinks before the film?

[WhatEverZen]

Compromise works both ways.

You can still have a lovely time at cinema. Holding hands, linking arm, talking about the film afterwards. Talking doesn't have to 'heavy', afterall it probably wasn't when you were dating. Just connecting and being in the moment

You could do the meal next time... worth a thought

[HellsGranny]

If we did it regularly I would have no problem with going to the cinema but as I said we do it once in a blue moon, I'm not sure we even did it once last year. It's because it's so rare I feel we ought to do something where we can interact.

[Facebaffle]

Yanbu. I consider going to the cinema on a rare night out as a waste. I'd much prefer a few drinks/meal and a chat. If money is limited then just do drinks.

Just getting out of the house for a few hours is the priority

[BohemianGirl]

Booking a £29 Travel lodge and banging each others brains out?

[JeanSeberg]

Why does he get to choose? Take it in turns.

But you can make cinema into a nice evening as has been said above.

Perhaps he wants to avoid a big 'talk' and just relax and enjoy an evening together.

[karatekimmi]

I'm With you, the point of date night is to interact.

We go bowling, play pool, play squash or badminton, go geocaching.

[rallytog1]

Have you got clubcard points? You could exchange them for pizza express vouchers (at four times the value) which would make the meal part of your date much more affordable. That's how dh and I afford to do date nights that include both cinema and food.

[youmakemydreams]

We do a mixture of both. Saturday we went somewhere cheap for dinner ad well ad the cinema. Sometimes it's one or the other. Sometimes it's earlier cinema and the m&s meal for £10 at home.
Try and do it more often as well. Actually making sure you spend time together makes a huge difference.
Like someone else said the cinema doesn't have to be a total write off either. We sit and hold hands was feeling very snuggly with dp sitting in the cinema on Saturday stroking the inside of my wrist.

[DuchessFanny]

When we were stuck in with very small babies ( and quite often too skint to go out ) once a month we'd make an effort to turn off the telly, make a lovely meal open the wine and sit talking. It sounds simple but on a Friday when you're knackered it was too easy to slump in front of the tv.
On this occasion though are you able to watch the film and then go for a drink followed up by more at home

[IAmTheOneWhoKnocks]

I'd rather do a meal out as well tbh. The cinema is nice but if you've not been out in ages then it's not exactly first choice.

[formerbabe]

See a film then get a takeaway to have at home...but I personally prefer the travel lodge idea!

[Joysmum]

I'm with you OP, why would I want to sit in the dark and not be able to see or hear my hubby.

A fav if ours is to head down the beach and eat fish and chips from the paper with the radio on.

We also like going out for meals and drinks, you can people watch and have observations to talk about.

Quite like a comedy night or band night at local pubs too.

Of course, we also adore somewhere quiet in the car

[monkeymamma]

I think yab a tiny bit u. If things are a bit strained atm a night of dinner and chat may be quite intense and the cinema will be a shared experience and something to talk about for years to come esp if it's a good film. For dh and I so many of our points of reference come from film and telly. Unless your dh has a history of forcing you to do his choice of activity then I think you need to be more generous here and do the thing he loves on this occasion.
Incidentally our hv mentioned that she and her dh put date night ideas in a box and pull one out when it's time for date night - that way they each get to do the things they want.
And I appreciate you don't get many date nights - but I don't think once or twice a year is that bad actually. It's about what dh and I manage but we have lots of nights in together which we enjoy, even if it's only fish fingers on toast and hollyoaks on telly - you don't need £££ to enjoy.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Go to the cinema one week, go out for a meal the next?

[Objection]

cinema can be quite cheap. get Orange Wednesdays (buy 1 get 1 free) so about £5 each. bring your own snacks.

then go for a meal. easy

[JeanSeberg]

joysmum I'd quite like to come on one of your date nights (not in a weird way lol), they sound fun!

[ChippingInWadesIn]

I can totally understand your pov I want to 'chat' not be sat in silence watching a film. But maybe that's what your DH wants to avoid, perhaphs he thinks you will want to @Talk@ rather than 'chat' and maybe he is trying to avoid spending the night discussing all the things you talk about at relate/have issues with?

Is there a compromise where you could do some sort of activity? (other than the obvious!!) bowling, ice skating (it's a laugh!), playing pool

[flipchart]

What's the difference between a date night and a night out with DH?

Is it like play dates being the same as your kids having mates around?

[fluffyraggies]

Hmm. I think under the OP specific circs. i can see why this might be an issue for the DH.

Generally, for a couple getting along fine, either one of - cinema/meal/drinks/activity/chips in the car/travelodge would all be reasonable options.

It seems to me that OPs DH is actively opting for the socially easier option of cinema. I think that baby steps is fine in this case. OP you are aleady going for counceling, which is a step forward, but must be fairly intense. Perhaps this time do the cinema, keep it all light and easy, then in a couple of months suggest a meal out together. I would hate to think you really would run out of things to say by the time the main course comes!

[Covalone78]

I suspect all your efforts will be futile given you can't have this discussion with DH and have to ask an internet of nobodies!