request not to buy niece/nephews certain gifts

(52 Posts)
Lissarria Sun 12-Jan-14 20:50:54

went to nieces party, her gift from us was a book. we have now received a message thats worded as if to more people but we get the impression was just for our sole viewing requesting that no one buy their children books or soft toys as with 3 children they have far too many of both of these. we thought this a little rude and that they should be grateful for what they have received.

the 3 children they have at the moment are all very spoilt. they have pretty much everything they could want or ask for so are very hard to buy for, especially as we have limited funds ourselves. for example a couple of years ago one of their kids got a 3ds and a new bike for their birthday(as their current bike was not the right colour although it was the right size and had no problems)

my DH, I and our children love books. in my opinion you can't have too many and they make a great gift especially if you are unsure what else to get. though our children have 1or 2 stories every night for bedtime where as theirs are sat infront of the tv/DVD player in their rooms till they fall asleep.

They never thought about our gifts in the past and we asked them politely if they could please think about what everyone liked and their age when gift buying (we have been given things like toilet brushes and the kids have received used broken toys and things relating to stuff they are actually scared ofand give them nightmares like ghosts and zombies) the price doesn't matter some of the things our kids like the best are really cheap to buy but the person they came from put some thought into it! we always try to choose things they will like

sorry the rant, I really do take things to heart when I shouldn't let them bother me! would like some othe peoples views on this?

KateAdiesEarrings Sun 12-Jan-14 21:23:37

It all sounds a bit fraught. Can you not just talk to each other about what the children would like or need? confused
Before my dcs' birthday I always get a call from my siblings asking if there's anything they want or need. I say they have tonnes of toys so I'd prefer if it wasn't toys. Then my dsis will laugh and say she isn't going to be the boring aunty getting the sensible gift, and she turns up with some giant plastic toy. It's all good natured.
Worriedthistime I didn't know the cut off age for dolls - oops! I've just made a 6-yr-old girl very unhappy then.

Jinsei Sun 12-Jan-14 21:26:29

You all sound unreasonable tbh! Tit for tat.

And I agree with worried, the tantrum was totally out of order but I wouldn't buy a doll for a 9yo unless it was something the child or parents had specifically suggested.

LessMissAbs Sun 12-Jan-14 21:29:51

Worried Having said all that, I would never dream of buying a doll for a 9yr old! 4yrs would seem doll limit in my view. You didn't deserve that reaction though

Oh dear, I did wonder about that. It was quite an active sort of doll though that you could dress up in fashionable clothes, not a "baby" type doll.

Its so difficult. We were told not to buy clothes (apparently the child "only wears designer labels like Next" (yes, I know...), electronic gadgets (has them all in multiple), anything to do with animals (father is allergic to animal fur and an interest in animals is not to be encouraged unless it involves the zoo) and so on...

The reaction to the doll was quite awful to see though. I just thought "what a brat" and wanted to avoid the whole lot of them.

Jinsei Sun 12-Jan-14 21:31:45

I think 6 is fine for a doll, 7 maybe borderline, depends on the child. My dd is 8, and still plays with her old dolls once in a blue moon - she certainly isn't ready to part with them yet. That said, she does see them as a bit babyish and would be a bit nonplussed if someone bought her one - though I hope she'd accept it graciously! I certainly wouldn't buy one as a gift for any of her friends.

MsAspreyDiamonds Sun 12-Jan-14 21:32:39

Who buys a toilet brush as a gift....? Very strange family? Are they trying to make a point?

quietlysuggests Sun 12-Jan-14 21:34:04

Stop buying each others children presents.

Jinsei Sun 12-Jan-14 21:34:14

The reaction to the doll was quite awful to see though. I just thought "what a brat" and wanted to avoid the whole lot of them.

Sounds like she deserved nothing at all, frankly. What happened to the doll? I'd have been tempted to take it away to the local charity shop and leave her with nothing!

LessMissAbs Sun 12-Jan-14 21:37:03

Doll was binned along with all the Christmas wrapping paper.

I feel really embarrassed now!

Clutterbugsmum Sun 12-Jan-14 21:39:17

Oh god, does this mean I shouldn't have ask MIL to buy DD1 more books for her birthdaygrin. DD has requested this set of books herself.

BTW my children have far too many book, as do I. I have lots of books, my kindle has 100's of books on it and we have loads of audiobooks as well.

Avalon Sun 12-Jan-14 21:54:17

The doll was binned? shock

I think I'd have fished it out and charity shopped it. What a waste!

ThisLittlePiggyStayedHome Sun 12-Jan-14 21:55:17

My 10 and 8 year old nieces still like dolls - they each got a new one for Christmas (not from us) and were thrilled! Not American Girl ones but that type - larger, little girl ones (not baby dolls, but not fashion dolls either) with clothes and accessories. They also like their Barbie type dolls, along with lots of other kinds of toys. I don't think they're that unusual confused. Childhood is so rushed along these days, awful to think it's the accepted norm that after 4 (4?!) is 'too old' hmm for dolls.

Anyway. I say that just to say I don't think it was in any way a faux pas on your part, LessMiss, just a case of different strokes for different folks, and a very rude, ungrateful reaction that was rewarded rather than corrected, unfortunately for all involved.

HaroldLloyd Sun 12-Jan-14 22:10:11

Bit mean of them abs.

They could have pretended to like it then gave it away!

Binned, harsh.

tethersend Sun 12-Jan-14 22:12:19

Time for you both to buy recorders.

clam Sun 12-Jan-14 22:12:35

Either you're claiming the moral high ground because your gifts were books and by the sounds of it, you think they're plebs, or this is a reverse AIBU.

KateAdiesEarrings Sun 12-Jan-14 22:13:54

I've never bought a doll for a little girl before as I've always wondered about the cut-off age so Jinsei I'm glad you think 6 might just squeeze in to acceptable limits. grin

nilbyname Sun 12-Jan-14 22:15:43

Hahahahaha,

Give over! You asked them to rethink the presents they got your kids, and now they have done the same to you and you're pissed?

Pot, kettle?

Ilikesweetpeas Sun 12-Jan-14 22:17:33

Katie my 6 year old requested a new doll from anyone who asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she and her friends play with them a lot, I'm sure that will be a lovely gift

lilyaldrin Sun 12-Jan-14 22:22:07

I don't have any DDs but lots of little girls in my neighbourhood aged 6-10 seem to have dolls and prams still!

redskyatnight Sun 12-Jan-14 22:23:04

Well I agree with you that books make a great gift. So do all my family and friends, hence the DC get loads - and we simply don't have room to store them all and I don't see the point of buying a book to read it once and then get rid off - that's what libraries are for. So I have also politely said that although of course we and the DC are grateful for all gifts, we would prefer not to receive any more books for now due to lack of storage and the DC already have so many they have not read. Otherwise I literally would be regifting them - I figured our family/friends would rather know that than otherwise, maybe not.

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull Sun 12-Jan-14 22:24:56

I liked the way you just chucked in that your DC are read books at bedtime and there's fall asleep in front on the telly.

TimeToPassGo Sun 12-Jan-14 22:25:46

Personally I really think it is sensible to give a gift receipt wherever possible. People on MN have a weird hatred of pragmatism around gifts and talk a lot about being grateful for whatever you receive. But anyone with more than one child will be swamped with stuff. I really hate the house being filled with tat or duplicates. I always ask parents for suggested gifts for kids or give a gift receipt.

Less I wouldn't have bought a doll for that age group as they can be quite touchy about being grown up - but even so the tantrum reaction is just shock

KateAdiesEarrings Sun 12-Jan-14 22:27:17

Ilikesweetpeas and lilyaldrin thanks - that's good to know! It was for a little girl who has just joined our family so I'm glad I didn't get it completely wrong!

Worriedthistimearound Sun 12-Jan-14 22:34:58

Oh gosh, don't feel bad, it was just my opinion! Her reaction was appalling and the fact the doll went in the bin just shows where she gets her manners from. I wouldn't bother to buy for her again though I'd still chuckle at the 'designer labels such as Next!' grin

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 12-Jan-14 22:41:44

No such thing as too many books.

TimeToPassGo Sun 12-Jan-14 23:32:45

Endo in my heart I agree with you - but then it would be terrible to be like the poster upthread who ended up with 5 copies of the greedy barsteward very hungry caterpillar wink

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