My 7yo dd has got a terrible habit of telling me I promised her something when I didn't. She knows EXACTLY what to say to make me feel bloody awful. Right now I'm seething, because not once, but twice in the space of one evening she has done this. I picked her up from school and today and told her I had a lovely surprise for her on Saturday ( I'm taking her to see santa) She was jumping around with excitement. Tomorrow she has Xmas jumper day at school and I told her I had bought her one (rushed around like an idiot more like). So all great, right? Two lovely bits of news in the space of a minute. Nope. She started with this voice she uses when she wants to act wounded, saying I had promised her I would get an identical jumper for myself so we would be matching. (I made a joke last week that it would be funny if we wore matching Xmas jumpers - I never said I would but one for myself!) Instead of being glad about the surprise on Saturday and for buying her the jumper for tomorrow, she sat in the back of my car saying 'you promised, you promised. I had a go at her about this 'promising thing' because she used to do it SO much, but had recently calmed down with it because I literally banned her from using the word!
Later we went to friends for dinner and swapping of presents. She got spoiled rotten and to stay up late. She asked for a story when we came back and I said no as it was late. Just as I was leaving the room after a good night kiss, she says I 'promised' her we would have cuddle time on the sofa tonight. I did causally say yesterday we would have cuddle time 'tomorrow' but as the dinner invite came up and she was centre of attention at it anyway, 'Cuddle time' just never arose and when would it have happened anyway? No - she says it just as I'm switching off the bedtime light knowing I it can't happen. I know it sounds dramatic but she does it so often that I feel like I let her down and she's manipulating me. (Her favourite is 'you promised we would spend time together' or you promised it would be just me and you, or you promised we could watch a film together'. My dd takes simple statements I make such as 'hopefully during the weekend we might catch a film, and then turns it into a cast iron promise I've made. The thing is - the film might not happen because we did something else that was fun happened instead - like tonight we had dinner with friends. She doesn't complain during the replacement fun activity - it's only when it's over, she remembers the other thing that was potentially on the cards and brings it up, all wounded and sad that I've 'broken another promise'.
I cannot for the life of me explain why I hate this so much - but I really do. She claims to not know what the problem is when I explain that it's unkind to say I've promised something when I hadn't , and to only claim to be heartbroken about said broken promise when the spotlight is taken off her or it's time for bed.
I am so annoyed right now I want to cancel Santa on Saturday. AIBU? I think I probably am.
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AIBU?
To cancel Santa trip?
58 replies
nocontactforevermore · 17/12/2013 22:23
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