AIBU to *HATE* entertaining?

[Lisavarna]

My dh wants us to have "the gorge" an annual get together of a couple of his school friends and their partners and his 3 brothers and their wives/partners for dinner a few days after Xmas this year. Another couple usually host it, but my dh thinks we should take our turn this year and have them all round to us.

Its going to be around 14 for a sit down meal and i am bloody dreading it.

Its 3 days after Xmas. My dh will say he is cooking the main course, (a curry) but invariably i will end up having to hang around clearing up the apocalyptic levels of mess and wash up he will create. He will fuss and fret about everything, and the worst thing is the other couple are total foodies and always produce an amazing spread, gorgeous desserts etc, whereas ours will be some dodgy curry and a bought (probably) dessert and will not impress at all.

We have 5 young kids, and this this other couple have none, and 3 of the other couples have no kids either, and all of the couples kids or not, are big big drinkers and will probably stay till at least 2 or 3am, before rolling home.

This is why i dread it. Its all the work and fuss beforehand, the fact that they will stay on and on for hours, long after i want to go to bed, and i feel that its rude to go to bed and leave the guests to it, though my dh will happily sit up with them. Then the next day we will be wrecked, hungover and with a mountain of wash up to do and the kids will want to be entertained.

I really just can't be arsed anymore. I want to sit on my bum in my own house and just enjoy being with the kids over the holiday and not have to sit up all night and listen to other people get really drunk and talk shite in my house till the small hours.

Flame away. i know i am prob being VV Unreasonable but i can't help it, that's just the way i feel. I wish i could say no to this party, but i can't as dh really wants to do this and really likes their company.

[Mrswellyboot]

I would hate this too. Get to a good bakery for desserts that looks homemade and make the curry the day before.

Get them drunk too

Don't worry about them being foodies. They sound like nice old friends. Oops just see they are not big drinkers.

I would even go as far as microwaveable rice to save on washing up and fuss!!!

[Lisavarna]

MrsWelly Oh no they are big drinkers, so at least i suppose after a few big glasses of wine they won't care too much about the drop in food standards!

Yes good suggestion re the rice. Am already buying in the dessrts which i feel guilty about, but in the past i would have killed myself trying to impress with fancy home made desserts but nowadays i just cannot be arsed.

I feel this is a Bad Thing, as i know we are all supposed to love cooking up a storm for friends and family and having big bubbly welcoming dinner parties, but nope, not me, not any more. My name is Lisavarna and i am Antisocial and a lazy lady who likes to relax by sitting on her sofa with a glass or red, not rushing about feeding the masses and staying up late to be polite.

[saulaboutme]

Yanbu. It's awful to be in that position.

Ok you CAN say no. I understand how you feel and sounds like dh has his mind set on it.

I would take Mrswellys advice and do the curry the day before. Also 5 young dcs? "hark I hear the wee one a calling..." and duck to bed early. I would.

[realblueprint]

I don't see the big deal with churning out any old shit food-wise. They are coming to get together and get drunk after all.

Also - DH's mates/brothers = his gig. He can cook the day before (as suggested upthread) and tidy up after himself.

And I would feel no guilt about going to bed at 1AM if DH was still up and entertaining his guests.

[OrangePixie]

Mmmm, you're being a bit grumpy. It's not like you have to do it every week.

Life's about spending time with good friends isn't it? You've got every other night of the year to sit on your bum relaxing. It's a bit boring.

[Musicaltheatremum]

I no longer like spending hours in the kitchen. When friends come to me I usually make a main course but always buy pudding. None of my true friends care less. Make it as easy as you can. Could you make the curry now and freeze it in advance the. All you would have to do is get it out the night before and heat it through then do the rice. That would save all the washing up on the day.

[badbride]

Channel the 1970s and have a fondue party. Which is a cunning way to make the pestilent guests cook their own sodding dinner

[LaurieFairyCake]

Do an amazing cheeseboard, crackers and chutneys, pates and rilletes/pork pie/game pie - it's all bought but looks massively impressive - all the wheels if Stilton and cheese are half price after Christmas too!

Then get drunk and not care

Paper plates too then chuck the fuckers

[nilbyname]

The nicest and easiest curry to make is a chicken Thai Penang. Buy a paste, got loads of coconut milk, kafir lime leaves, garnish with wedges of lime, pineapple cubes and coriander. Serve with rice. This with lots of bought in Thai starter type things (prawn crackers, fish cakes, satay sticks, tempura prawns) and it will be a feast.

Serve prosecco with a splash of cherry liquor as a welcome drink, very festive.

No starters.

Buy pudding, salted caramel tart with the best you can afford stem ginger ice cream.

Yum!

[Lisavarna]

Laurie that would be great, except he is hell bent on the curry idea, so i think i will try and get him to make it before xmas and freeze it.

God i mean how many chicken breasts would you even need to feed 14 people, i guess 14???

Orange i do sound grumpy dont I? Thats cos i bloody AM! I HATE the thought of this night. Every time i think about Xmas and get all excited about Xmas day and all the fun, i then immediately after get a downer and remember the night of entertaining ahead of me after xmas day, and it kind of spoils the thought of xmas for me as i feel this thing is hanging over me, and i dread it.

Its bad, i know that and i know iabu to feel like this, i see this night as just a huge P.I.T.A - Dh's old school mates and his brothers all went to the same school, and they are all quite loud and opinionated, (individually they are fine, one on one, good to talk to) but when they all get together in a room they revert to being opinionated loudmouth Alpha males all slagging each other off and trying to get one up on each other verbally.

It can be very funny for a while, but after a couple of hours, gets tedious as hell. Its all about taking the piss out of one another, and hard to get a word in edgeways.

Yes i am a grumpy one about this, i do realise that, but at least i am going along with things and having it, (instead of buggering off for the night with the kids to my mums!)

[Lisavarna]

Nilbyname thank you for those tips, that sounds delicious and good idea re the nibbles, and prosecco idea!

[CynicalandSmug]

Yanbu, this is why restaurants exist.

[schroedingersdodo]

I think you should go to bed and leave the guests with dh. No point being a martyr. (I may be weird, but I like when a host does sth like that, as it makes me feek I'm preventing them from doing what they want in their own home)

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

Ach, it'll be great. Curry is better cooked in advance, maybe a few Indian nibbles (samosas and things) to start with (bought), buy the pudding, a jokey email beforehand to make sure everyone turns up with a bottle, and when you've had enough go to bed, blaming the children if needs be. Simples. No cabs, no splitting the bill, no babysitters, brilliant.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

And no, you don't need 14 chicken breasts - depending on what type of curry you cook it could have potato, lentil, mushrooms, loads of stuff. Or you could make a veggie side dish like Chana Massala with chickpeas (again, even better in advance) to bulk things out cheaply and look more of a spread.

[AgentZigzag]

It's not bad, and you're not being unreasonable or boring to prefer doing other things to generating a shed load of tedious work hosting people you'd rather not have in your house.

But if you are going to do it, like other posters have said, accept it and sort it so all the crappy bits are done well before Christmas, it's horrible to have something hanging over you like that, you'll just end up resenting your DH else.

Tell him you'll only go along with it if you get a guaranteed lay in until at least 11am the next day, getting up to a house that's been cleared up

[HandMini]

Crisps, olives, dips for a starter.

Def microwaveable rice.

I sympathise - my husband also likes cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Unfortunately it always tastes a bit dodgy because he can't be arsed to follow a recipe and he makes a mess that requires Life of Grime style cleaning afterwards.

[AgentZigzag]

you mean HandMini?

[Mellowandfruitful]

Do just go to bed when you want to, don't feel you have to sit up all night. I have always done this. They'll be chatting away anyway and it won't matter.

Let DH cook but also insist he shares in the clean up the next day. M&S pudding. Or get a cheeseboard and grapes for the end. Job done!

[MistressDeeCee]

Oh God I got all tensed up just reading your post, OP. In your position Id feel exactly the same as you. & 3 days after xmas + youve got 5 DCs too? I think Id emigrate! However as other posters have said, its probably best to just accept its going to happen. & your DH will love it, wont he. Albeit he is just going to have to be calm about it all, its supposed to be a fun event and evening, I hope thats kept in mind and you arent landed with a load of stress. Do you have a good friend or family member who can come round during the daytime, and help with preparation? If not tho let DH do his curry, have a great big bowl of chicken wings on the side with dips etc, and just buy in absolutely everything else including a really fancy looking dessert throw the boxes 10 miles away from the house & be all 'oh its homemade if anyone dares ask . & deffo be sure DH understands he has to join in the next day cleanup

Oh..and enjoy it

[EmmaBemma]

I don't blame you at all. I love having friends and family round for dinner but even I would quail at 14.

I agree with the cooking in advance idea - as others have said, lots of curries freeze really well and taste nicer when made beforehand. You could have two or three main dishes, one meaty, one daal, and one mushroom or similar, all in the freezer. Then just do some spicy potato and spinach on the night and the rice. I also agree that it's fine to go to bed whenever you want so long as your husband is staying up. When we have people round my husband quite often goes to bed before everyone else and no-one bats an eyelid.

[Eastwickwitch]

If the other couples have no DC they probably have no idea about all the work involved for you.
When they ring to confirm & ask 'can I bring anything' say yes. I bet one couple could bring some starters, a few could bring puddings and another could bring some nibbles. I expect they'd be glad to help and it would appease their guilt.
Looking after 5 children & feeding 14 guests is a big task, share the load.
Then get pissed, it's Christmas.

[clippityclop]

Forget chicken breasts, roast two chickens and strip the meat off. If you're worried about his random cooking style buy ready made sauces and your choice of veg and then let him bung it all together preferably as soon as pos so it's all cleared up and in the freezer by Christmas. Frozen rice, frozen Indian snacks stuff and frozen puds, cheese board.If it's all too much on the night feign a migraine. Take the kids out to the cinema or something hext day while he clears up.