To be raging that friends blabbed my pregnancy news?

(72 Posts)
Inglori0us Sun 03-Nov-13 07:36:23

I told one friend I was pregnant when I was 9 weeks. She's not a particularly close friend but she was at the end of her second pregnancy at the time and I was visiting her for lunch/play date with our dds and I wanted to tell someone.
I asked her not to tell anyone.
It now seems she told her bil & sil (also friends of mine) who then told other mutual friends.
I am RAGING. How dare they tell people this, especially as I've not personally told them, or put it on fb or anything?
This is the same couple who hijacked my 30th birthday party to announce their engagement btw.
I'm livid.

SarahAndFuck Sun 03-Nov-13 09:00:34

"Let me get this straight. You told someone you are not that close to about the pregnancy. The same person that high jacked your birthday party."

You have that wrong, it wasn't the same person that highjacked the OP's birthday party that the OP told.

The OP told her friend, the friend then told the birthday high jackers.

OP you made an unwise choice in who you spoke to but at least it was your news to tell, the others were just spreading gossip. At least you know now that you can't trust any of them to be discreet in the future and so won't tell them anything else.

You shouldnt have told anyone if you were looking to keep it quiet for longer.

As for 'taking it up' , what on earth for?

Now you're sounding very precious.

Enjoy your pregnancy and keep important details to yourself if you don't want them blabbed.

ChippingInLovesAGoodBang Sun 03-Nov-13 09:10:02

So this all happened 7 weeks ago and you are still stomping around about it? It really is time to get over it. You told someone who can't keep a secret - you'll know better next time wont you.

Bowlersarm Sun 03-Nov-13 09:15:16

YABU, I think.

I don't think you should be telling anyone anything that you aren't prepared to be passed on. Very few people are discreet, most people like to be in a position to pass on news.

(Except me of course. If I'm told not to tell anyone I don't, but without that instruction I would.)

soupmaker Sun 03-Nov-13 09:21:03

Yes, YABVU.

I understand you feel pissed off, but you've only yourself to blame I'm afraid.

We didn't tell anyone until we wanted the whole world to know. This is the only way to keep a pregnancy secret.

Put it down to experience and just concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy. Congratulations and good luck.

catsrus Sun 03-Nov-13 09:23:55

Yabu

Not everyone thinks like you - when I was pregnant and told people I totally expected the news to be passed around quickly as everyone knew I'd been trying for years - of course friends would share the good news, i think its odd not to. I think the first person you told is the only one you legitimately be annoyed with as you asked her not to say anything.

JumpingJackSprat Sun 03-Nov-13 09:28:16

Changed my mind , yabu. Your pregnancy isn't as important to anyone else as you so they probably won't care that you're being so precious about it. Get over it and concentrate on your pregnancy. Next time don't tell anyone.

Inglori0us Sun 03-Nov-13 09:33:57

So, a mixed response.
The people who think IABU are inferring you can't trust anyone to keep news to themselves (even when expressly told to do so) and that by telling one person you must expect it to be in public domain. I disagree with this. I feel my trust was betrayed and that these people were inconsiderate and thoughtless. I expect more from people. I would show more consideration if it were me.

AuntieStella Sun 03-Nov-13 09:36:25

"So, a mixed response.
The people who think IABU are inferring you can't trust anyone to keep news to themselves (even when expressly told to do so) and that by telling one person you must expect it to be in public domain."

The first person who couldn't keep the news to themselves was you.

Pinupgirl Sun 03-Nov-13 09:38:06

Yabu and ridiculous to boot. If you don't want to anyone to find out your secret?-don't tell them the secret! Simples. To be very honest no one else probably cares less you are pregnant so stop being so precious.

Why on earth would you "take it up" with the other couple?-it was your friend that blabbed or are you just conveniently ignoring that? I find it hilarious that you are still fuming because they dared to announce their happy news at your party btw.

JumpingJackSprat Sun 03-Nov-13 09:39:11

If they had overheard something not meant for them and blabbed then fair enough be pissed off. You deliberately told the person. It's your own fault.

Yes you might be able to keep a confidence but you aren't in control of other people and their thought process.

(even when expressly told to do so) hmm, it doesn't always work like that, does it?

Bowlersarm Sun 03-Nov-13 09:42:13

The first person who couldn't keep the news to themselves was you.

Exactly that.

OP, seriously, if you don't want something passed on then don't tell it in the first place.

Personally I think it's a bit mean to give someone the responsibility of keeping something a secret, especially a pregnancy which is only a half secret because it won't be a secret anyway for much longer.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 03-Nov-13 09:42:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 03-Nov-13 09:47:03

I am always the last to know about pregnancy. I can't keep news like that to myself.

Friends know that about me so I understand why.

AlexaChelsea Sun 03-Nov-13 09:50:19

This is nonsense!

If you tell someone, and explicitly ask them not to share the information, they shouldn't share it.

If be more angry with friend 1, who you told to keep the information to herself.

She might not have passed this onto hijack couple, so without knowing you shouldn't be blaming them.

I told a few people, out of necessity, in the early stages. I asked them not to tell anyone. They didn't, because they are nice, trustworthy people.

soupmaker Sun 03-Nov-13 09:52:08

But even you couldn't keep it a secret OP. By your own admission you told someone you aren't even that close to because you had to tell someone. That's why we think YABU.

MatryoshkaDoll Sun 03-Nov-13 09:55:53

I told my lovely dad when I first found out I was pregnant, on pain of death that he wasn't to tell anyone else.

Two days later I got calls from my aunt and both grandmothers to congratulate me hmm. Thanks dad!

bigbrick Sun 03-Nov-13 09:57:25

yanbu - a lesson learnt never to tell them anything again

The second couple wasn't under any obligation to not spread this, your friend was.

However you don't know why and what was said. Many on here do to count close family, or partners as those that count when keeping secrets.

I think what makes it more ridiculous is, that she isn't a close friend and this news would be public within weeks, barring a miscarriage.

So not really a secret that is damaging (as some secrets are), or that would remain private.

If they were, say planning a Christmas drunken night out, then not keeping your secret and trying to make up a reason why you wouldn't be interested, would be impossible (just as an example why the news would of been spread).

flowery Sun 03-Nov-13 10:01:02

"These people"

There you go again. You only told one person, and it was her who blabbed. Why so determined to be angry at the other couple who just told people something that was not a secret?

LittlePeaPod Sun 03-Nov-13 10:02:57

Op I wasn't inferring no one can keep a secret when asked to do so. I was saying its your own fault that you shared something you wanted kept secret with a person you are not that close to. If you aren't that close then they are less likely to be that loyal to you. If you needed to share then you should have shared with someone that you are close to and know you can trust.

This happened 7 weeks ago. Why didn't you deal with it at the time if it bothered you that much? I agree with those saying you are been a bit precious.

Inglori0us Sun 03-Nov-13 10:14:02

Again with the "well you couldn't keep the secret so can't expect anyone else to". It was my secret to share, not theirs. I was freaking out a bit and needed to talk to someone. This news was of vital importance to me, not just gossip fodder. I'm disappointed that adults can't keep their big flappy mouths shut when it comes to the really important stuff.
But as so many people have such low expectations of others, I accept that I'm being unreasonable to expect more.
Thanks for taking the time to respond.

flowery Sun 03-Nov-13 10:15:48

OP are you going to answer the point about why so angry at the couple rather than your friend? It wasn't a secret by the time they knew and told people, but presumably you told your friend and specifically asked her not to say anything? She is in the wrong, not them.

Mattissy Sun 03-Nov-13 10:18:45

That's really crap of her, it's not her news to tell, simple!

Some people just don't realise what numpties they are, "look at me, I've got some news!"

Don't tell anyone something you don't want to get out unless you trust them.

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