to think women should STOP asking others if they are pregnant

(50 Posts)
printmeanicephoto Sat 02-Nov-13 10:17:02

The potential to offend is massive!

I was in a shop yesterday eve with DH at the start of a rare night out (just the two of us) when the woman behind the counter said to me "So when are you due?" I frostily replied "I'm not". The woman was clearly mortified and apologised, saying it had also happened to her.

Then she should know what it bloody feels like then shouldn't she! Why do people do this? For me to ask someone that question, the woman I'm asking would have to have a stomach the size of a large football and be clearly at least 7 or 8 months pregnant.

I had my last child over 6 yrs ago and am now a size 10 (was size 8 before having kids). I have struggled to shift baby weight around girth even though I run once or twice a week. The number of times I have been asked whether I'm preggers over the last 6 years has probably now tipped over into double figures. Despite this even DH said last night that the dress I was wearing didn't make me look pregnant at all (and he is always brutally honest). I know some styles do make women look pregnant when not. I wear clothes that fit but am now wondering if I should buy a bigger size or will that make me look more "pregnant"?

It could have ruined our special night but I didn't let it. Am feeling slightly peeved this morning though!

Why don't people think before they open their mouth?!? Rant over.

scaevola Sat 02-Nov-13 10:19:58

I think it's far to personal to ever enquire about the contents of someone else's uterus.

pudseypie Sat 02-Nov-13 10:20:27

Can I add those that think it is ok to ask 'so when are you having another one?'
I would never ask that as I think it's a very personal question but I get asked it loads. I know I'm sensitive as I had a very traumatic birth but I still wouldn't ask it to anyone else either!

fifi669 Sat 02-Nov-13 10:23:03

I feel your pain! Whilst you sound slim, I'm a bit podgy and any weight goes straight to my belly like a middle aged man. So you can imagine when my hips are 10/12 and the fat nestles there the occasional comment I get.

Before I'd say anything I'd want the lady in question to be absolutely massive, holding her back, swollen ankles, possibly even a head poking out....

printmeanicephoto Sat 02-Nov-13 10:26:47

Yes, fifi, definitely at least screaming with labour pains...

WheresTheHoneyMummy Sat 02-Nov-13 10:28:41

Ah yes the when are you having another brigade. My last birth was hugely traumatic; ICU, blood transfusions, many operations. I'd love another baby - or 2 -but my consultant says another birth would almost certainly kill me. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact there will be no more babies and the when are you having another question is still hugely upsetting.

lizzzyyliveson Sat 02-Nov-13 10:54:51

the woman I'm asking would have to have a stomach the size of a large football and be clearly at least 7 or 8 months pregnant. Or suffering liver failure, there was a picture of a woman with this in the DM recently. She has to keep telling people that there is no baby due.

quesadilla Sat 02-Nov-13 10:57:11

I just don't know what gets into people. The potential to offend is massive and the upside from learning the answer is tiny.

What I especially don't get is why it's ok to ask people you barely know intimate questions about their fertility when you would never dream of asking about their sexuality or how much they earn.

I think it's probably a hangover from the days when most women didn't have anything else to talk about other than having babies.

printmeanicephoto Sat 02-Nov-13 10:57:51

Sorry to hear that Wheres. Sounds v hard for you.

I'd like another too but DH adamant not.

People make these unthinking comments when often there is so much more going on that they don't know about.


Hassled Sat 02-Nov-13 10:59:50

I've been asked (when I'm not) and wanted to curl up and die, so don't ask anyone ever unless I can actually see that their belly button has popped out. I think I've failed to ask to probably quite a rude extent - but better that than the alternative.

TiredFeet Sat 02-Nov-13 11:00:23

Yanbu. It has happened to me several times when not pregnant (any weight I gain goes to my middle). Its horrible.

I am currently 8 months pregnant (with big bump) but the lovely dentists receptionist just carefully asked me if any exemptions applied to me and when I said I was pregnant she explained she didn't like to take the chance of upsetting someone by getting it on.

Lavenderhoney Sat 02-Nov-13 11:05:30

Someone asked me about a month after having ds and I wordlessly pointed into the pram where ds was sleeping. Yes, the pram I was actually pushing at the time she asked me.

Her exact words were " OMG look at the size of you! Surely the baby must be ready to come out"

Tuonz Sat 02-Nov-13 11:09:28

I like the rule of "if you can't see the baby's head crowning never assume anything"


ZillionChocolate Sat 02-Nov-13 11:18:23

YANBU can I add "when are you going to have a baby?" And "are you going to have a baby?" to the list? You can (mostly) avoid having babies but they don't turn up on demand. I work on the basis that if people want to tell you something, then they will.

livingzuid Sat 02-Nov-13 11:25:50

YANBU. I would extend that to anyone who starts asking when women will or should get pregnant particularly as I get older. I had a mc and had been ttc for a year. It was like being punched I found it so hard to smile and nod and say no, no plans yet.

Karma is a bitch of course. I too used to be that annoying and insensitive. I am a ott about it I know as it is normal to ask if someone has children! It's all the other crap really.

On the other hand what if someone offers you a seat on the train and you aren't pregnant?

ZombieMojaveWonderer Sat 02-Nov-13 18:00:40

Ha! Well my mum asked me if I was pregnant the other day and then my brother did too. I just said 'no I'm just fat but thanks for noticing wink'

maillotjaune Sat 02-Nov-13 18:12:15

It's easier on the train in London now so many people have the 'baby on board' badges. I was also asked when I was due several weeks after my first two were born but that was nowhere near as upsetting as being asked when I was planning to have children when TTC for a year.

No one else's business.

TheArticFunky Sat 02-Nov-13 21:57:36

It's happened to me before too. It's very insensitive, I really don't understand why someone would make a comment like this.

troublesome2 Sat 02-Nov-13 22:24:19

i only ever asked people who were sitting in the waiting room of my midwife appointments lol

JohnSnowsTie Sat 02-Nov-13 22:25:57

Agree that when people are ready to tell you they will. Otherwise, nose out.

DH has a large group of friends and one of the women ALWAYS asks other women in the group if they're pregnant - usually either because they've just got married or because they're not drinking on a night out. I think she has a thing about having to be the first to be in on the secret.

Yama Sat 02-Nov-13 22:32:08

I have only ever been asked once - when I saw a female GP for Mastitis. I had dc2 in the car seat with me. grin I wasn't offended as I had just given birth.

At a wedding recently I was itching to ask a women about her pregnancy until it became apparent that she wasn't actually pregnant.

So yes, YANBU - people shouldn't assume.

bubalou Sat 02-Nov-13 23:01:25

In fairness I asked someone this once, but I was in a hospital and she was stroking her stomach - She wasn't pregnant though!


TheOldestCat Sat 02-Nov-13 23:06:11

Happened to me at work on Friday. I've put on a lot of weight so I can understand her thinking it. But saying it? Not a good idea.

She qualified it by saying it was my dress making me look fat. So that's alright grin.

Icepilot Sat 02-Nov-13 23:08:12

Oh I've been asked this. It was so embarrassing.

As jimmy Carr says - I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing up on a bus than a fat one sitting down crying.

I didn't like the 'having another?' Question either. You're asking about our sex life, finances, career plans all rolled in to one.

However, I do try and take it in The spirit it's intended, but would never ask of others.

MatryoshkaDoll Sat 02-Nov-13 23:09:49

I never, ever, ever ask this question. Especially since I had a miscarriage last year. Someone asking me if I was pregnant then would've sent me over the edge.

You never know. It's just far too personal.

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