is my gf being unreasonable expecting me to do this?

(59 Posts)
captincaveman Sat 05-Oct-13 15:33:32

I have recently started a run of work which involves me working a 14 hour day, 7 days a week. It is a physicaly demanding, job and with the commute on top it is leaving me drained at the end of the day. My gf is a stay at home mum to two young children. Who r in school all day. But she has now decided, that the house needs redecorating. In time for christmas . I dont feel it needs doing, and just dont have the time. It is causing a rift between us. An i being unreasonable to ask her to. Wait. She refuses to tackle it her, her self. I do appreciate she cooks and cleans and sorts the kids out . We cant afford to get any one to do it. How can i make her see my point of view .

she is bu, i want the kitchen redone before christmas, dp works shifts and doesnt have much time. thats why im doing it myself i suggest she does too

Bogeyface Mon 07-Oct-13 13:10:11

"I have no objection to it being done, but I am not doing it. I am sure that you could do it yourself if you really wanted to"

Repeat to fade.

LessMissAbs Mon 07-Oct-13 11:32:05

Some people just won't sully their hands with what they consider manual work. Often its the most surprising people. I do a purely office-based, professional job, yet I've done up several properties and learned painting, decorating and tiling from scratch.

I recently saw a Facebook post from someone who doesn't work but lives off her boyfriend, for details for a painter and decorator to repaint a boxroom. I suggested she bought Dulux Trade Paint, a roller and a brush for the corners, and some masking tape and dust covers, and she made some sarcastic remark about being able to afford to pay for someone else to do it!

Mojavewonderer Mon 07-Oct-13 11:24:42

Your GF is lazy and you are a mug to just give in when she gets upset.
Tiling a bathroom is easy and as long as she isn't expecting new fixtures and fittings she could easily do it herself. Even my mum can remove old tiles and put new ones up!

Beastofburden Mon 07-Oct-13 10:46:45

Captain, I suggest you show her this thread so she knows it is not just you being horrid to her. Actually a panel of hardworking parents with at least as much to do as she has, all say she is being lazy, entitled, and selfish.

CrohnicallyLurking Mon 07-Oct-13 07:12:33

You do realise that it's against working time regulations to comtinuously work a 7 day week? You should be getting one day off a week, or 2 consecutive days a fortnight. So if it's your employer placing demands on you, you should negotiate days off.

Lazyjaney Mon 07-Oct-13 07:05:29

She is being totally unreasonable, especially flouncing off when you disagree. I calculate if you're sleeping 7 hrs, an hour to sort yourself out in the morning and an hour to eat etc in the evenings, you're getting an hour a day free time.

You need to have a tough talk with splitting up effort, I'd start by seeking agreement that you both get the same amount of free time, and commuting time isn't it

PresidentServalan Sun 06-Oct-13 23:41:14

YANBU - if she wants it done so much, suggest she gets off her arse and does it herself.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 06-Oct-13 21:57:28

goodness. no. you will not make a good job of it when you are so tired, nor in artificial light.

OTheHugeManatee Sun 06-Oct-13 21:50:15

YANBU at all. And her kicking off when you demur is just manipulative. Grow a pair and explain the situation - it's not reasonable to expect you to start decorating on top of a 12-hour working day with a 2-hour commute on top. Tell her to get off her arse and do it herself if it's really bothering her - otherwise she can wait till you have more time.

thehorridestmumintheworld Sun 06-Oct-13 20:20:27

gf is bu. Op you need to learn some assertiveness skills. Some ppl will get their own way by getting upset. If you feel she is being unreasonable you don't have to do what she wants just to stop her getting upset or angry. Just pleasantly but firmly say no and stick to it.

parakeet Sun 06-Oct-13 19:58:34

What does she say when you say: "You're the one who wants it doing - why can't you do it?"

Personally I have tried wallpapering myself and gave up as found it very hard, but really, anyone can paint.

clam Sun 06-Oct-13 19:40:29

Do we know yet why she can't do it herself?
And you say she "got upset" when you brought it up? How old is she, 5?

LouiseAderyn Sun 06-Oct-13 18:48:50

while I agree that you dont physically have the time to do this now, I also think it is unfair to commit yourself to these sort of working hours unless your partner has agreed because it leaves her entirely responsible for everything at home. Unless she willingly signed up for that, it isnt right that you are effectively unavailable for any kind of family life.

You need for the mad hours to have an end date and you need to agree a time with your gf when you will be available to help her decorate. It is hard doing it by yourself if it is not naturally where your skills lie. She might well need help from you.

WiddleAndPuke Sun 06-Oct-13 02:43:35

Do you really have to ask?? Tell her to get stuffed!

Custardo Sun 06-Oct-13 02:19:11

to be fair toadinthehole - you don't know his finances - he could hae a shit load of debt - or not - we don't know

i think your gf should do it herself if shes that bothered.

OP, considering the hours you're working, don't you have enough money to pay a decorator? We recently had our bathroom done. DW costed the job and worked out that it would only cost us 20% more to get somone in (apparently tradespeople purchase the paint at about 50% of the retail cost). He did a much better job than either of us would have done, and very quick too.

captincaveman Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:42

Yes 12 hours working and two hours a day commuting. Its only for the next 6 to 8 weeks so im sure when i know what work will be like after that. we can discuss, it again thank u all again.

pictish Sat 05-Oct-13 22:41:51

Fourteen hour days, seven days a week? hmm

captincaveman Sat 05-Oct-13 22:39:11

Thank u for the responses. I tried to bring it up with her but she just got up set with me. It has been a long day so i dnt want to argue. I agree with her that at the very least the bathroom is in need of doing. So im going to suggest i do this and hope that keeps the peace.

quoteunquote Sat 05-Oct-13 19:37:19

Lovely idea, totally unrealistic.

I'm desperate to re decorate, despite running a construction firm, having all the necessary skills, tools and free materials, it is impossible because neither of us have any time, and the time we do have we choose to spend on the children, I could get our decorators in, but the upheaval would be ridiculous.

Suggest she tackles a small room on her own during the day, and do one small space at a time, but adding another demand to the limited time you are at home will just causes problems.

Maybe the next time you have a break from full on work, you could plan to do a space, set a plan, so at least she has some sort of realistic future solution to look forward to.

and get a few quotes, you may be surprised, especially if she does all the prep, stripping, sanding, filling. There may be some middle ground, if she does the prep (about 60% of the work)

Everyone gets fed up of their space if they spend to much time in it, sounds like she needs a break.

Oh we both work really long hours, that never excuses either of us mucking in when we get home, if you lived alone, you would still have to cook, clean and all the other household tasks, so make sure she isn't compensating too much for your long hours, that never works long term.

Bogeyface Sat 05-Oct-13 19:33:59

Is this a reverse AIBU by any chance?

quesadilla Sat 05-Oct-13 19:29:38

She is BVVU. I wouldn't "expect" my DH to do decorating even though he doesn't (usually) work weekends...

londonmum14 Sat 05-Oct-13 19:12:00

Something doesn't ring true about OP's post hmm

MrsWolowitz Sat 05-Oct-13 19:01:16

YANBU. Not at all.

If it really needs doing then she should do it herself. You have enough to be dealing with at the moment.

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