I have been with my dp for 4 years, lived together for 3 ½ years, and are both 23. I honestly love him loads and do find him physically attractive still. If it wasn't for the issue of sex our relationship would be practically perfect. The first few paragraphs are a bit of a rant, feel free to skip.
A bit of background info (sorry if tmi): About 6 months into our relationship I started finding sex really painful. I suffered for quite a while until I finally went to the doctor who said I had a really bad case of thrush. After this was finally treated I still found sex painful, so in the next few years I had various visits to different GPs and sexual health clinics where they prodded around (always horribly painful!) and found nothing. Sex was unbearably painful so we really only did it once every few months. Finally at the start of this year I went to a new GP and she said I may have vaginismus. I went on to research this and I agree that I do. I have bought dilators to use on my own to help me relax, and they have helped a bit, but sex still isn?t particularly nice, but I can put up with it now.
My dp seems to think he is some sort of saint for staying with me all this time whilst not having much sex. At times he?s been really patient, but other times he?ll make comments about how I?m not normal, most women like sex blah blah blah. I KNOW I?m not normal, I don?t need him to keep telling me! He always apologises after, saying he just gets frustrated, which I do understand, but it really doesn?t help. Because vaginismus is very psychological, when he says hurtful things it makes me want sex even less. Also, because I know it is going to be painful, I find it really hard to get turned on. I know it sounds weird but I like to plan sex, I guess it helps me prepare mentally. I know he wants to be more spontaneous and let ?one thing lead to another? sometimes, but right now I can?t, and he just doesn?t get that.
He always wants me to wear sexy underwear. One time he got in a sulk when we were shopping because I didn?t want to buy a new set of sexy stuff (we have hardly any money, I already own quite a few sets which I rarely use, so I see very little point in buying another set until I actually enjoy using them!)
Ok that was just a bit of a rant, this is my AIBU:
Every single night when we settle down to watch TV, he always puts my hand on his crotch and wants me to play with him. Not necessarily to lead to anything, but just wants me to touch him. Often he will start to grope my breasts and touch me ?down there?. I just find this really irritating, not a turn on at all. If I am watching TV I want to be able to relax, not feel on edge the whole time. I have to be in the right frame of mind for anything to feel nice. He seems to think everyone else does this, whereas I really can?t picture other couples in a long term relationship touching each other like this every single night. Like I said, I do really love him, and whilst I still find him attractive, I just don?t feel the need to always touch him.
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AIBU?
To think that most couples are not like this (long, sorry!)
53 replies
WantAnotherCat · 02/08/2013 13:55
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