to be dreading the school summer holidays? they make me feel lonely :(

(62 Posts)
dirtyface Thu 11-Jul-13 20:28:57

my dcs are 4 and 7

i always feel like everyone else will be having loads of fun days out and meet ups and generally hanging out with their friends and their friends dcs

we haven't really got anyone like that, and dh works FT so its just going to be the 3 of us most days (i work 1 - 2 days a week)

i always thought before i had kids that when i had them i would automatically meet loads of other mums and have this amazing social life, but it just has never happened for me

BeaWheesht Sat 13-Jul-13 23:25:47

But in my experience people WILL come because as you can see from this thread lots of people feel the same and anyways who cares?! You've got to let go of the fear, it's really limiting your experiences.

M0naLisa Sat 13-Jul-13 23:01:44

I shall be taking mine to the local soft play (gulp) but its what they like.
Although DS1 & DS2 are going on holiday next saturday with my dad and stepmum for 2 weeks and arent back home until 5th August so it will be quiet at home with just me and DS3. DH will be working 2-10 shift 5 out of 7 so the days he at work will be just me and DS3 who is 7.5mths and teething sad But hes still happy.
I will be meeting up with friends from school in the holidays to go to the park or for coffee and for the kids to play. But i will feel lonely the days i am in on my own with the kids as my routine of school and coffee with ffriends will be out the window for 6 weeks!

Notcontent Sat 13-Jul-13 22:59:21

Just wanted to say you are not alone.
I am not a hermit and also have some friends but generally dd and I don't really have that many people to do stuff with. Like this weekend, it's just the two of.

I have also tried making "mummy friends" but they generally fizzle out after a while.

dirtyface Sat 13-Jul-13 20:42:00

yes i have a couple of child-free friends blackbird but they both work FT. so when we meet, i tend to see them in the evenings, ie will go for a drink or something. and they are brill, lovely friends and i value them loads, but i just wish i had more <hated on mn word alert> <whispers> "mummy friends"

and no, am not in yorkshire sadly queenof

QueenOfIndecision Sat 13-Jul-13 19:55:21

op, i know exactly how you feel. my DCs are 4 and 7 too. Are you in yorkshire dirtyface?

blackbirdatglanmore Sat 13-Jul-13 19:51:05

Have you got any friends without children? Some are probably quite lonely too.

dirtyface Sat 13-Jul-13 19:50:05

hmm but on FB maryz if i invite a load of friends to something and no one (or hardly anyone) accepts, everyone i have invited will be able to see !

might give it a try though

and 3musketeers, thats absolutely lovely smile perhaps i should try and think more like that.

apatchylass Sat 13-Jul-13 19:48:02

I'm with Three Musketeers on that one. I occasionally fix to meet up with others for DCs sake but am happier on my own with DC. We/re very in tune with each other and get on well together. We all like the same stuff. Endlessly having to sort out food and toilet stops for other children and having to listen to their meltdowns, or talk to another adult when DC are interrupting/charging towards the park lake etc is too stressful, I'd rather focus on them when I'm with them and adults when I'm out with the grown ups.

ThreeMusketeers Sat 13-Jul-13 13:21:44

I am dreading the end of Summer holidays. I really love being with little Musketeers and couldn't be arsed to socialise with generally dull and needy people.
Don't get me wrong, I do have a few unbelievably great friends however, they are too far and acquaintances, amusing as they might be, are just too much work and hassle.
I used to love giving garden parties in the Summer but that was BC.
Now, my fun are my children grin

Maryz Sat 13-Jul-13 12:39:26

But would it matter if no-one turned up? If one person comes, your kids have someone to play with. If no-one turns up, no-one will know.

dirtyface Sat 13-Jul-13 12:33:36

Be proactive - I had a few 'friends' on FB who have kids approx same age so I set up an event and invited them all to meet at the park , about 6/7 showed up and it was lovely

wow thats fantastic bea envy what a good idea

i would be so worried no one would come if i did that .... can you tell i am quite scared of rejection?? would rather be on my own than risk people turning me down for stuff grin

VitoCorleone Sat 13-Jul-13 12:31:52

Where abouts are you OP? Im the same in the holidays, DP works ft in shifts so im always alone.

Im in the Lake District

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 12:08:54

that's your shyness speaking IME.

yes it is which is a shame,

I am not a social butterfly and tbh big days out with loads of others fills me with dread

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jul-13 12:01:00

Yes, I bet you are imagining people looking at you - that's your shyness speaking IME.

BeaWheesht Sat 13-Jul-13 12:00:02

I'm amazed you think people look at you when you're on your own with the kids , I bet they don't.

I live a long way from where I grew up so no old friends and dd is too young for pkaydates whereas ds has friends over but not their mums..

It is hard sometimes but equally I enjoy time just the three of us and never think anyone's looking at us!

Be proactive - I had a few 'friends' on FB who have kids approx same age so I set up an event and invited them all to meet at the park , about 6/7 showed up and it was lovely.

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jul-13 11:51:05

OP, I too am cripplingly shy. When DS1 started school, I literally forced myself to talk to the other parents of his class because it was for my DSs benefit. It was horrible and painful but it set me up for all the years that followed (DS1 is now 14 and DD going into Y3 in Sept).

Your NDN seems like a good start smile

Personally I love the school holidays as I can enjoy time on my own with my DC. I live in an area where families tend to do a lot of big days out together and I avoid them if I can. I just don't like big groups and having to be sociable <grump>

So if you ever see me in a big group and I am staring at you on your own with your DC then please realise that I am staring at you with envy.

minouminou Sat 13-Jul-13 11:12:31

"....as YOU'RE on your own....."

minouminou Sat 13-Jul-13 11:09:55

They're not staring at you because you're freaky as on your own, they're probably wondering whether to strike up a convo!

fiestabelle Sat 13-Jul-13 11:02:57

Most people are the same, I bet if you issued a few invites people would accept, im not socially confident but most times if i issue an invite its accepted or if not arranged for an alternative date, people LIKE tobe asked so just bite the bullet. Even having one thing bookedin a week lifts your mood a bit.

intheshed Sat 13-Jul-13 10:51:32

Yes absolutely get friendly with the neighbour! I invited our NDN over once when we were all stuck in with the snow, even though I hardly knew her... 2 years later the kids are still best friends.

LadyMilfordHaven Sat 13-Jul-13 10:48:28

thats more like it!

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 10:47:52

see there you go the NDN obviously likes you all get together with her your friends dont need to be school mums ,

Guitargirl Sat 13-Jul-13 10:44:40

I do go out quite a bit with other parents and their DC and also spend a lot of time on my own with my DCs out and about. I find it far less stressful being on my own with my own children and it certainly wouldn't occur to me to even notice, never mind actually stare at, another mum with her own children, not in a big group.

Do you have a local park which you can just hang out in? Our park seems to be a congregating point for all the children in DD's class. Take some picnic food with you and it will be like bees to a honeypot!

dirtyface Sat 13-Jul-13 10:43:36

my Dc's finished yesterday

and i was working so my C/M did the pick up / drop off

so its a bit too late now grin perhaps next year eh.....

have decided to make more effort from this september when they go back. as my youngest starts ft then..., i will try and be a bit more pro active with her having friends round and stuff

it didn't help that when my eldest started 3 years ago i was new to the area and didn't know a soul. but now at least i am a regular "face" in the area iyswim

also they were invited to my next door neighbours DC birthday party yesterday - perhaps i could ask NDN if she fancies doing something in the holidays with the kids, she seems nice enough....

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