To want him to stay home?

(56 Posts)
GiveMeVegemite Sun 23-Jun-13 11:24:38

My DH has a great job and gets to work from home 4 days a week, sometimes 5. This means that he can help out with our DS who is 12 months. I am currently 7 months pregnant with DS 2 and was looking forward to loads of help, especially since I have to have a c section. He would get 2 weeks paternity, plus 2 weeks time off.

BUT he has just been offered an even better job , money wise, (over 25k more than he is on now) which would mean we would be very comfortable. However, this is a contract for 12 months so no paternity (he would still take 2 weeks unpaid leave) and he would have to be in the office every day.

We are so up in the air about it. Am I being unreasonable to think the money isn't worth the family time at home? He already gets paid a lot so I don't think it is worth it?

Trills Sun 23-Jun-13 11:28:44

There is more to a job than just money.

Being able to work from home is one consideration (although while he is working he should be working, not looking after a toddler).

How interesting he finds the job is another.

The potential future prospects are yet another.

TidyDancer Sun 23-Jun-13 11:28:52

I don't know, there isn't a right and wrong here.

Leaving aside the baby issues for a moment, what aside from money are the advantages of the new job?

If he went for it, is there anyone else who could help you for the first couple of weeks?

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Jun-13 11:29:59

I'd rather he took the new job to be honest.

Sometimes he more help you have at the start, the more dependent you become on that help.

Do you have any other family or friends in the area who could help out after the 2 weeks, if you really need it?

TidyDancer Sun 23-Jun-13 11:30:08

Scrap that, he would be home for the first couple of weeks anyway, so that's a moot point.

The only issue I see with this is that 12 month contract only.

diddl Sun 23-Jun-13 11:32:19

What happens when the contract is up?

I think it would be odd to refuse it on the grounds of being with you for a few weeks iyswim.

Could you pay for help if necessary when he has to work?

NatashaBee Sun 23-Jun-13 11:38:34

Technically, if he's working from home, he should just be working, not helping out with childcare. Most companies have strict rules about not caring for children while teleworking. Anyway, it sounds like its a good opportunity. Will it give him the chance to move forward in his career? Is a similar offer likely to come along again soon?

GiveMeVegemite Sun 23-Jun-13 11:39:55

The thing is, we are moving countries in 12 months so it is actually pretty perfect...

He doesn't look after our DS at home, just if I need to go to the loo or something I just can get him to mind him for 2 minutes. It's more that our son gets to see loads of his dad and he packs up at 5 on the dot, so has loads of time in the evening and mornings.

He is bored in his current job and the new job would look great on his CV as it is with a very well known bank.

Trills Sun 23-Jun-13 11:41:13

I think he should take the new job:

It pays more
He's bored in his current job so he will enjoy it more
It would look good on his CV
The 12 month contract is a non-issue because you will be moving

FutTheShuckUp Sun 23-Jun-13 11:44:36

You are a SAHM so thems the breaks really. I dont buy this can't go to the loo business to be perfectly honest, you just have to manage.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 23-Jun-13 11:46:04

And 25k is a HELL of a lot more money so I dont see how you can say the extra money isn't worth it- to most people it is a fortune.

NatashaBee Sun 23-Jun-13 11:47:27

Do you have work lined up/ a plan for a job when you move countries? If this new job is likely to give him new skills/ an enhanced CV for when you move, I'd go for it. It's never as easy to find work in a new country...

IsThatTrue Sun 23-Jun-13 11:47:45

I think YABU and he should take the new job. It may be easier with him at home to 'mind' DS occasionally but you'll cope alone and the positives far outweigh the negatives IMO.

jelliebelly Sun 23-Jun-13 11:48:13

I'd take the new job. Bit of a no brainer really.

jelliebelly Sun 23-Jun-13 11:48:36

Oh yes I think YABU

diddl Sun 23-Jun-13 11:49:13

Oh goodness, he should def take the job!

Why wouldn't you want him to?

McNewPants2013 Sun 23-Jun-13 11:52:09

i think he should take it and the extra money put into saving for when you move.

If it's lots more money would you be able to buy in some help when baby comes - e.g. cleaner or post-natal doula?

apostropheuse Sun 23-Jun-13 11:53:46

I think he would be insane not to take the job. It's a win-win situation - a twelve month contract and you're leaving the country in twelve months anyway.

Twenty-five thousand pounds isn't to be sniffed at, but even not taking the extra salary into consideration it will be good for his CV to have the new post on it.

Also, if he's working from home he should be treating it the same as being in the office anyway. You really shouldn't be depending on him to let you go to the toilet etc. You should be able to cope on your own as millions of other parents have to do. You just put the baby in a safe place and go to the toilet/have a shower/do whatever you need to do.

You will be perfectly fine on your own, honestly.

kungfupannda Sun 23-Jun-13 11:57:04

I think he should take the job. It's a huge amount of extra money, and it sounds like it would actually be a good idea to have a home-work separation. You say you were looking forward to "loads of help", but really, he should be working from home, not using it as time to help out with childcare. There's a real risk that his work will start suffering if you're expecting him to be able to provide that level of help with two children.

If you're moving abroad, presumably you won't have the same set-up then, so it's probably a good idea to get used to managing without that extra help. Lots of people manage as SAHMs to two children, so it's perfectly do-able.

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Jun-13 12:02:59

In what way is the extra money not worth it?

He'll still be able to see the DC after work and at weekends, won't he?

TheCrackFox Sun 23-Jun-13 12:07:45

Take the job. 25k can give you more money to buy in help.

Take the job

You will learn how to manage loo breaks/personal hygiene/cooking etc/toddler and baby wrangling like a pro

FutTheShuckUp Sun 23-Jun-13 12:11:28

I don't get all this needing so much 'help' unless you are disabled to be honest. It's just what you do, when you decide to be the SAHM parent.

ihearsounds Sun 23-Jun-13 12:18:41

He should take the job.
You will learn to stand on your own two feet and pee, shower and various other things. You at the moment are just too dependent on him.

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