to not be able to cope with the mawkish sentimentality that is Fathers' Day?

(15 Posts)
RockinD Sun 16-Jun-13 12:46:29

My father died in 1993. Before that he was the enabler who did nothing to protect me from my mother's verbal, emotional and physical abuse. Even when he was at home, which was not often in my early years, he was not 'available' to me, and when he was at home more in my teen years, my mother forbade me from speaking to him in case I upset him.

I have tried really hard to find some, but I have no happy memories. I didn't even really know the man and all the posts on FB this morning are making me very, very unhappy.

specialsubject Sun 16-Jun-13 12:52:06

so don't read it. Find something else to do. And perhaps some help for coming to terms with what sounds like a lot of abuse in your life.

I have a wonderful father, but I don't send father's day cards, or mother's day cards (she's great too). Commercial rubbish.

CatsRule Sun 16-Jun-13 12:52:12

I'm sorry for your experience and loss. Yanbu to not want to see continual posts.

I had a fab Dad, he was the best, I lost him over 7 years ago and miss him so much. I don't deny others who have their Dads the joys of Father'd Day but I do also find it sad seeing all the posts and pictures.

At least my dh, Mum and sister acknowledge him not being there...some people are just insensitive and a little ignorant in what they say...by that I mean those who know your hurt but choose to be insensitive!

honeytea Sun 16-Jun-13 12:59:05

Just don't look at facebook on fathers day.

My dad was rubbish, didn't see me for years, made it clear that alcohol was more important to him than I was but I don't feel sad that other people have lovely supportive fathers.

kalidanger Sun 16-Jun-13 13:01:42

Don't look OP. Do you have DH and DC? Distract yourself! My DF died in 2003 so I send a Father's Day card to my DB instead smile

Trills Sun 16-Jun-13 13:05:41

YA only being reasonable if you also think that Mother's Day is "mawkish sentimentality".

It does sound as if you need to learn to switch off and not let other people's facebook posts get to you.

hackmum Sun 16-Jun-13 13:09:32

YANBU. It sounds very hard.

Personally I find myself slightly irritated (rather than upset) by the number of people on my FB feed posting about their dead fathers. It feels like attention-seeking to me. (And I speak as one whose father is also dead.)

McNewPants2013 Sun 16-Jun-13 13:11:15

It could be said about any celebration.

Christmas is hard for parents who have sadly lost thier children.

Op have you had any consoling or any support to put the horrible childhood behind you.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sun 16-Jun-13 13:13:16

Don't engage with it then. I am sorry for your experiences, having it shoved in your face must be hard.

Go for a walk, bury yourself under the duvet, read. Whatever - celebrate yourself and your survival.

I don't have the easiest of memories of my dad. I don't appreciate the commercial nature of these days. But I get that there are dads in these difficult times who love their children and would do anything for them and it is good to acknowledge that. I am sorry for you and any of us living day to day with pain of having been deprived that.

Don't engage, don't read and this may sound harsh but don't be bitter about other peoples happiness and celebrations. It will eat you up.

I say this as someone who has lost my own Father.

Yes. I knew my father for three years (6-9) in which time he abused my mother and me, took drugs regularly (as did my mother) and so on. He disappeared when I ended up in foster care.

I am happy for those with lovely fsther's and I think it's great that they can celebrate the man they love so much. It must be hard for many on Mother's Day, Christmas and so on.

I feel sad on Father' Day (and also happy that he is out of my life and that at least I got into foster care/it kick started my mother to get out f drugs and so on when he left) and also sad that my DC don't 'have' a father either. I just smile, get on with it and have an internal feeling sad part, and then I think that I'm glad that I don't have to buy anything!

YABU

My dad fucked off when I was a baby, I saw him once on my 4th birthday and was scared of him.

However my DH is a wonderful father to our children and I want to celebrate that.

Yes it's hard for you but lets celebrate the good dads out there and shame the shit ones.

Sorry fathers' - misplaced apostrophe and bad spelling there.

My favourite FB status today was a rather sarcastic one saying instead of posting emotional nonsense he was going to go and see his father. Quite right too.

I find it odd when people talk to other people on their own walls (eg "Married for eight years today - love you snookums") instead of posting on the other person's wall or using traditional methods of communication. It feels like more of a display of "look how good at remembering dates I am" rather than actually congratulating someone or celebrating with them.

zukiecat Sun 16-Jun-13 15:09:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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