To hide from MIL in my room until I get better?

(63 Posts)
SomeoneSaveMe Sun 26-May-13 23:17:19

My MIL is lovely. She's so kind, thinks the world of me and I love her to bits.

I became quite unwell in the last month of my pregnancy due to a pre-existing condition getting dramatically worse. I wasn't coping at all. 3 weeks ago my son arrived and I knew there was no way I could cope with a new baby and a house which had already disintegrated into chaos (my husband works away during the week).

So MIL packed her bags, got on the train and came to stay. Since she's been here she's done everything for me. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, shopping, endless cups of tea, baby-minding so I can sleep. Practically she is an absolute treasure and there is no way I can thank her enough or manage without her at the moment. But ...

She doesn't stop talking. Ever. Incessant wittering from the minute I open my bedroom door until I go to bed at night. She even stands outside the bathroom door so she can talk to me. Much as I love her, I may have to kill her.

I need:

MIL: Would you like a cup of tea?
Me: Yes please.
The end.

Not:
MIL: Would you like a cup of tea?
Me: Yes please.
MIL: I'll pop the kettle on then. I bought some teabags earlier as we don't want to run out. I was going to go to Tesco but my friend Maud doesn't like Tesco and would rather go to Waitrose. She used to be a air stewardess you know so she really knows her tea and she says Waitrose ones are the best. Although she admits Asda ones are cheaper. We have the Asda ones at church. They're quite nice too and Maud is right they are a bit cheaper than the Tesco ones, but the box is a bit bigger and they go further. The vicar doesn't drink tea though. Did I tell you? He likes coffee but only instant. He went to India once, it supposed to be very nice there. Maud's son went there once too. Would you like a biscuit with your tea? I bought some nice ones while I was out but I'm not sure if you'll like them. The biscuits are Waitrose are better. My friend Maud always gets hers from there ...
Me: ARRRGH!

I'm being an ungrateful cow aren't I. sad

pigletmania Tue 28-May-13 19:39:04

Aww she sounds lovely, can we swap

YoniOneWayOfLife Tue 28-May-13 12:54:14

You are reminding me of going to a party at my grandparents where there was a bunch of men in their 70-80s talking about the benefits of ear syringing causing deafness - "the secret to a long and happy marriage is not being able to hear the wife" grin - and whether it was too late to start now.

quoteunquote Tue 28-May-13 12:21:22

turn it in to something useful, ask questions, ask about her childhood, her parents, grandparents, great aunties, uncles, do this at every opportunity, and later on you won't regret missing out,

You will also end up with very detailed information, for your child's family history book.

and it's a lot more interesting to listen to,

my DH, is often amazed at how much i know about his family, MiL and her mother, have loved that I am interested, it beats listening to details of shopping trips, his grandmother has even told me things his mother didn't know,

get her going then ask questions, record if you can, your son will love it when he is older.

RubyGates Tue 28-May-13 11:52:56

Record her. Leave it playing back through the radio.
See if she notices.

She does sound lovely though, so this might not be the best thing to do. Perhaps you could book a retreat for her at the convent of a silent order.

Allegrogirl Tue 28-May-13 09:01:47

My MIL is like that without being helpful. She'll just witter on with the same old stories I've heard before oblivious to the fact I am trying to deal with the DCs. Three nights with her is my absolute limit. She's very me, me, me but she does at least play with the DCs even though she doesn't help in a practical way. Thank goodness for the internet, at least I can distract myself when she is on the phone. The occasional uhuh and mmm seem to keep the conversation flowing from my end.

OP, your MIL does sound sweet but I hope you recover soon and can manage on your own.

hesterton Tue 28-May-13 07:10:17

Just you wait, those with nattery children. They grow up and leave home and you are faced with long, empty silences which make you feel small, uneeded and invisible.

Until you get used to it.

Then when they come back to visit, you have to slip away upstairs for ten minutes every now and then because you are so used to quietness, the constant chatter and noise is hard to deal with.

ZillionChocolate Tue 28-May-13 06:58:35

Try waking up with a "headache" today.

My MIL is exactly the same. Never. Stops. Wittering. Carries on talking to you if you leave the room. And if she goes upstairs for something and there is nobody to talk at to, she starts dum-de-duming to some I recognizable tune in her head. And she leaves the bathroom door ajar so she can continue to talk at you if she needs to go for a wee. And she tells you the same stories over and over and over and over again. And she views the world through rose-tinted spectacles (which is nice but sometimes reality intrudes).

But otherwise she is lovely! She is DH's stepmother and both his parents are dead. I'm probably closer to her than he is. He was 23 when his dad married her so she has never been a mother figure to him. Was a reception teacher till she retired and was fab with DS when he was little. And she loves him to bits. She doesn't have children of her own.

She is irritating but lovely. smile

Xmasbaby11 Tue 28-May-13 03:40:43

She has been with you for a long time .. is it possible she's bored without her usual daily activities/friends?

My MIL is like that but a. not as funny b. repeats herself c. doesn't help d. with a hint of racism

YABU

violetshoes Tue 28-May-13 02:41:00

piratecat grin
I may have paraphrased Terry Pratchett blush

Hope you are surviving, op.

unobtanium Mon 27-May-13 13:12:00

My MIL does that talking and NONE of the helping...

NumTumDeDum Mon 27-May-13 12:39:36

My mum and my mil are talkers. My mum is like Maud. All about supermarket products, pricing, what people I've never met are wearing and saying. Mil is all about what's in The Times, New Scientist, latest research paper. Both utterly exhausting. Mil won't have the tv on. There IS NO escape. Mum talks over the telly. So you can't watch anything even though we've had a massive discussion about what to watch.

I have a 4 yo dd who never stops talking and a 6 mo who squeals with joy a lot.

I dream of silence.

mmmmsleep Mon 27-May-13 12:30:16

feel for you op..my aunty is like that and yes I just hid in my room with baby.

I wish there was a fb similar like button...the incessant toddler chat post gets a like from me..
sorry op but there is more to come when baby gets older including screaming fits when you dare to think it acceptable that you have a wee ;)

K8Middleton Mon 27-May-13 12:17:35

I have a tendency to whitter when nervous blush

Having met a lot of whitterers over the years I have realise that often I am the only person they have spoken to all day, or longer, so I try to be generous and make allowances.

With mil, who sounds lovely although annoying, could you try putting the radio on? That sometimes works with a whitterer.

Chottie Mon 27-May-13 12:13:33

Your MiL sounds a real treasure.

I am a talker, so this post has given me food for thought smile congratulations on your new arrival.

randgirl Mon 27-May-13 12:07:56

I dont really have any advise (except agreeing that its good tranining for when you have a toddler), but i had a good laugh at your post smile

reelingintheyears Mon 27-May-13 12:03:50

DS2 talks incessantly too,a whole load of boring very interesting stuff about nothing.
He's 18,it never gets better. grin

reelingintheyears Mon 27-May-13 12:02:18

Brilliant thread. smile

seeker Mon 27-May-13 11:57:57

My family of origin are all natterers. My brother gave my dp a small polished wooden wedge one Christmas. It had "The Acme Patented Word Inserter" written on it!!

AllYoursBabooshka Mon 27-May-13 11:55:37

YABU! grin

I love a nattering person, I'm naturally very quiet so people like your lovely MIL take the pressure off.

Trust me the alternative is much worse. My ILs are masters of toe curlingly awkward silences where they sit and stare at people waiting for them to talk.

When you don't fill every single silence they end their visit with "Oooh Babooshka, you were very quiet today"

ARGH!

flanbase Mon 27-May-13 10:51:19

you need an ipod

Oldraver Mon 27-May-13 10:49:52

I know I shouldn't be laughing but my DS is like this..he chatters from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed. He can talk all the way through programmes, dinner etc.

We've just been having a bacon sandwich and he was wittering all the way through expecting a response from me

maddening Mon 27-May-13 09:52:37

Do you have any films that the two of you like - can you stick on a dvd so she has to watch the film?

Merrin Mon 27-May-13 08:57:49

Treat her to a morning of pampering to give yourself time to recover smile She sounds lovely!

mrsdrew Mon 27-May-13 08:39:35

Oh dear Lord..I went to a festival a few years ago with a friend like this. Four days of relentless talking - mostly about how amazing he is and how wonderful his life is. On the last night I deliberately ' got lost' and turned my phone off for two hours so I could have some peace!. Also have a friend who's 3 yr old DS is like this and doesn't stop from the minute he wakes up to till bedtime. She just has to ignore a lot of it whereas I only have to put up with it for a couple of hours so will engage with it. Last time he came over he said 'Mrsdrew, what's this?' and pointed to every single DVD I have (about 100) in turn even though the answer 'It's a DVD' was also exactly the same..... Friend reports spending a lot of time feigning sleep but he still carries on apparently.

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