to stand by Ds wanting to change his name?

(305 Posts)
poxyfoxy Wed 20-Mar-13 12:13:15

Ds is seven, his father and I seperated when he was just a couple of months old. I met my now husband when he was 18 months old, and he now has two brothers. He sees his dad evey other weekend.

DS has his fathers surname, but for the last year he has wanted my surname (the same as my husbands and his brothers), he just started to write it at school and at home. As a compromise I suggested that he use both names, and we approached his Dad to make sure he was happy with it. He's not, and will entertain no conversation about it.

I don't know what to do now, seems so unfair sad

WreckfestAtTiffanys Fri 22-Mar-13 21:07:19

But Sock she has been told by the school that she can't "let him use what ever name he wants to use informally" without the father's permission

discrete Fri 22-Mar-13 21:10:00

Floggingmolly - because it is what he wants! This is about him finding exploring his identity and working out who he is.

If I had changed my name to a double-barrelled version including my step dad's, I would not have an issue with it (name changes were impossible in the country I lived in at the time, so the issue did not come up).

And a name change is not a permanent thing that can never be changed back! Who cares what the OP's ds is called, that matters only to him, everyone else should just go with his wishes.

For a while as a teenager I did change my name (first, not last). Everyone just accepted it and called me what I wanted, after a while I reverted to my original name. No big deal, but made me feel in control of who I was and what identity I presented to the outside world. That mattered.

Floggingmolly Fri 22-Mar-13 21:17:16

exploring his identity and working out who he is
And if his mum and step dad split up in 6 months time? What will his name mean then in terms of who he is?

poxyfoxy Fri 22-Mar-13 21:23:10

D's will always have a part of his step dad in him. He has more in common with him than his brothers.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 22-Mar-13 22:52:05

That's the point of it being informal you don't change anything other than how you refer to yourself.

The school cannot tell you you can't do something if you do not ask them to amend any paperwork

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