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To not want my DC's friends visiting on weekend mornings unannounced?

(127 Posts)
Dragonwoman Sun 10-Mar-13 17:18:54

This morning, like many weekend mornings my doorbell went at 10.30 & next thing I knew I had 2 extra 8 year olds in my house.
I called DD1 upstairs & told her to tell them to leave. She knows I don't like people round when I'm not dressed. She thinks I'm being mean & DH also thinks I'm being a bit odd. In the end DD1 went out to the friends house instead.

Am I really that odd, bearing in mind that -
1) I work all week, so don't get much time in the house during the day.

2) I sleep in the raw, so does DH & we often nip across the landing in the nude to the bathroom. We don't have an ensuite. I don't want to come across other peoples kids when I'm in the nip thank-you!

3) We live on an estate & kids are calling all the time - if I don't put my foot down I will have extra kids all day every day weekends & holidays.

4) One of my DC will invariably wander into my room for something & then leave the door wide open. I don't want randoms on the landing who can see me lying in bed!

5) While other people may be up & dressed earlier than 10.30, in my own house on a day off I don't want to!

If it was a pre-arranged visit for something special of course I would get dressed, but as it is I think I am entitled to some privacy in my own home.

babanouche Sun 10-Mar-13 22:01:43

YANBU. no no no no no You deserve a slow morning now and again and your kids will come to appreciate it to. I think after 12 is fine. I have a similar problem here but eventually realised kids will push their luck and you have to be firm and tell them exactly what's acceptable. They will go with it.

Enjoy your lie ins. What else is there ffs? hmm

babanouche Sun 10-Mar-13 22:03:28

Of course, you could always send your dd round to the neighbours before the neighbours dd comes to you grin

deleted203 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:11:43

YADNBU. I can't bear (other people's) kids at a weekend, either. I teach all ruddy week - and I prefer NOT to have to entertain/supervise other people's flaming brats on a weekend morning. I am completely unsociable in my own home, I'm afraid. It is my sanctuary from the world - particularly if I'm having a lie in. I don't want to surface in a morning, bleary eyed and with the horrid awareness that there are strange children in the house. I would simply tell them that you don't have folks round before lunch at a weekend.

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Mar-13 22:17:49

Really this thread should be called "AIBU to not punish my 8yr old DD for being blatantly disobedient"?

If she's not allowed to invite them in when they knock...but does so anyway you're going to have to come down hard on her about it.

beeingfruitful Sun 10-Mar-13 22:21:44

YANBU and living on an estate we used to get this problem too, sometimes from 8.30am! In the end we made a sign for the door - "do not knock" - with a simple picture - and trained the neighbouring children that if the sign was up they could fuck off come back when the sign had gone. It didn't take long to police get the message across.

ravenAK Sun 10-Mar-13 22:22:03

I think an 8yo opening the door is fine. Mine has been known to pay the milkman on one memorable occasion '...so your purse was on the hall table, so I gave him twenty quid because that's all that was in there - can I have my pocket money?...oh.' grin.

I'd just ban the randoms from my bedroom/upstairs, & expect dc to pop up & let me know eg. 'Tom's come round, we're watching telly/playing in the garden'.

& I'd either be unashamedly nekkid or have a dressing gown for trips to the bathroom if I preferred not to be glimpsed. Dressing gown or sleeping in something modest in this house, but I really don't believe anyone's going to be traumatised by the sight of your bum whisking across the landing!

drownangels Sun 10-Mar-13 22:31:27

Blimey, I thought you were going to say they we're calling round at 7.30 am or something! YABU
I love a lie in on my weekends off and stay in bed until 8.30am. We normally have a house full by 9.00am if you include the kids that have slept over!
If I am lazy and don't want to get ready the kids leave me alone in my bedroom while they have their mates round and play in their bedroom or loft.

It's great having loads of kids round having fun. A good family home!

seeker Sun 10-Mar-13 22:32:21

Oh, of course 8 year olds can open the door, and are entitled to their own lives. But the OP is entitled to her lie in too, so make a rule- no kids upstairs. Sorted.

Yfronts Sun 10-Mar-13 22:47:17

tell your DC when the kids can come and play? Have a regular time - so Saturday at 2pm maybe?

Dollydoolally Mon 11-Mar-13 11:21:22

Absolutely hate this too, I get it all the time, not too bad with my son but mainly with my 9 year old daughter. In our last house, they were really good friends with the next door neighbours' children (two boys and a girl). They used to climb over the wall whenever they felt like it! One morning, I walked out the downstairs shower room with just a towel round me to find them all sitting watching telly. This was 8 am on a school morning! In this house, my daughter's friends knock constantly, I have actually cried in the school holidays sometimes, due to the intrusion. It is really difficult and I feel your pain. I like to try and keep on top of the housework and my hubby and I like some peace at weekends (I also like to laze around in p.j.s for a bit too!) I don't want to spoil my children's fun but other peoples kids just don't know where to draw the line sometimes! YADNBU!

WorraLiberty Mon 11-Mar-13 11:24:49

I don't understand why people are blaming other people's kids here, instead of getting a grip on enforcing the rules in their own homes?

If you don't want someone in your home at any time it's up to you to make sure it doesn't happen.

5madthings Mon 11-Mar-13 11:32:42

Exactly worra nothing wrong with the op having a lie in or the dd answering yge door but the girl is at fault for letting yge friends in when she has been told not to!

WorraLiberty Mon 11-Mar-13 11:35:16

Exactly 5mad

And Dolly, you shouldn't be crying in your own home due to intrusion.

Lock the back door and tell your kids that if they let anyone in again without your permission, they're going to be in a lot of trouble.

Dollydoolally Mon 11-Mar-13 11:38:28

Sometimes, some of us actually just like spending family time with our children at the weekend, they see their friends all week and they will be grown up and out all the time before we know it! And yes, some people do actually encourage their children to get out of their way (oh go and knock on so-and-so's door! I know this for a fact!) My kids are not encouraged to knock for anyone! If they ever do, it's to play outside. It probably is my fault due to the fact we have a trampoline and always a freezer full of ice-cream! Thank God we are not rich enough to have a pool!

ByTheWay1 Mon 11-Mar-13 11:40:53

We have a houseful most weekends (I also have friends from school who say they used to love our house since the door was always open when I was little, and want to give my kids a bit of that magic).

We all tend to be up by 9 - We said 10.30 is earliest for others to call - kids do their homework between 8 and 10 to get it out of the way, then I don't care who is there or how many, they get fed + watered if they are around at food time, ice pops in the summer..

If you want 12 to be the earliest, then just say so - and keep saying it, and provide some sort of punishment for letting them in earlier, or just tell them to go home..

fairyqueen Mon 11-Mar-13 11:42:01

We used to have the hoards of neighbourhood kids in our house all the time, until I realised that I was the only parent that let them in! Now, if the weather's fine, I don't let them in. There's plenty of fun to be had outside.

WorraLiberty Mon 11-Mar-13 11:45:52

It probably is my fault due to the fact we have a trampoline and always a freezer full of ice-cream! Thank God we are not rich enough to have a pool!

You're entitled to have a reconstruction of Alton Towers in your garden and a house like Willy Wonka if you so wish.

That's not why it's your fault.

It's your fault for allowing it to continue and for blaming the kids who knock/come in, instead of enforcing your house rules IYSWIM?

Until you make it very clear to whoever is letting them in that they're not to do it without your permission, nothing's going to change I'm afraid.

But you shouldn't be crying in your own home over it.

Saski Mon 11-Mar-13 11:53:15

I am extremely lazy on Sunday mornings. An 8 year old is perfectly capable of making breakfast and watching TV on her own.

I live in C. London so I'm a bit jealous that your 8 year old can have a social life independently of you. Grass is always greener and all that. Try to have a sense of humour about it, because it seems to me that they get older, your kids and their friends at your house is probably what you want. Not a bad habit.

I wouldn't like it at 10.30, though.

Indith Mon 11-Mar-13 11:54:14

Thing is, we are all differen, some love having kids round and some don't. Fine. WE should all enforce the rules and it wouldn't do paretns of other kids any harm to have respect for that. Eg a good friend of mine and mother of ds1's best mate doens't mind having kids over but enjoys lazy mornings at weekends so I encourage ds1 to wait until after lunch to knock at weekends. Doesn't always work but if they are in pjs when he knocks she tells him they will be out later. ALl fine, all polite, nobody minds.

However, am I the only one a little concerned that the op's 8 year old is able to let people into teh house without the op knowing? I am fine with the idea of lazy mornings and sleep ins but for it to be possible for a child to let people into teh house without her parents knowing? Flipping heck! What else could she be doing without them knowing? And who is watching the toddler? I give my kids a lot of freedom but I would be very concerned if they were letting people into the house without checking with me first.

freddiefrog Mon 11-Mar-13 11:56:31

I think you really need to come down hard on your 8 year old for letting them all in

We get the neighbourhood kids on our door as early as 8:30 weekend mornings. Fortunately, my girls like their Sunday morning lie-in as much as I do so are usually still sound asleep. I do think it's a bit anti-social to let your kids go go knocking round the neighbours, houses at that time of the morning - they knock and knock until the dog barks, which then wakes everyone up.

But other than that, my 2 know not to let their friends in without asking first

imnotmymum Mon 11-Mar-13 11:58:44

YANBU at all. I had to out my foot down and tbh we are all usually still in jammys at 10:30 on a Sunday. Sunday family day, Saturday ok but mine do ask or just slope off down the garden. I am laughing a little at the horror of an 8 year old being in the house unattended ...and opening a door!!

Saski Mon 11-Mar-13 12:01:20

I missed the toddler part.

I'm not sure it makes sense to leave the toddler unattended for this long. Your kids won't look after him as well as you would, obviously.

Dollydoolally Mon 11-Mar-13 12:06:29

Worra, yes you're right, I am too soft and cave in when all the kids (mine and their friends) give me the big pleading eyes! I have five rescue cats, that just about sums me up! Will have to make a stand this weekend!

P.S. I would love a reconstruction of Alton Towers in my back garden, don't think it would fit though!

Indith Mon 11-Mar-13 12:06:53

I am not in horror at an 8 year old unattended at all, my 6 year old watches the baby while I'm in the shower, posts letters for me and plays out alone. But an 8 year old should not be making sole judgements on who can come into the house. An 8 year old should be checking with mum first. If an 8 year old can let a load of kids in while mum is blissfully unaware in bed then an 8 year old could also let a doorstep scammer in while mum is blissfully unaware upstairs because an 8 year old cannot be relied upon to know who is safe and who is not.

AdoraBell Mon 11-Mar-13 12:08:06

My DDs don't answer the door without asking me first, and OP if your DH thinks you are being odd then tell him he needs to be up and ready to receive visitors before they arrive, while you continue to be odd have your day off.

Completely off topic, I couldn't sleep nude, what if there was a fire and you have to leave hastily, no time to get dressedshock?

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