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Competative childbirth

(230 Posts)
FrameyMcFrame Mon 04-Mar-13 18:47:32

All my births have been horrendous, back to back and lots of things went wrong. I won't bore you with the details and it's all a long time ago now. I'm over it now, apart from the permanent physical damage that was a side effect. sad
Friend has just had her 1st baby and it all went perfectly and according to plan, all great and I'm so happy for her.

Apart from she has been keen to tell me that if I had done X,Y and Z then I also could have had a perfect birth too. I don't think it's as easy as that, everyone is different and each birth is different. Just because all that worked for her doesn't mean it would have helped at all in my circumstances...

I'm glad she had a good birth but I don't want to feel like my traumatic births were my fault because I didn't do my homework or watch the right DVDs...
Birth is only the start of parenthood, it's not that important, why do some people want to make such a big deal of it?

Am I being a jealous cow? AIBU to feel sad about this?

ICBINEG Tue 12-Mar-13 13:33:44

huh? Are you saying that you hypothesis is that all babies made by the same couple are the same?

Not even the activities of sperm are down to luck...they have their own deterministic behaviours....

RedToothBrush Tue 12-Mar-13 13:55:33

But when you decided to have sex is down to luck. That particular sperm is only in that position at the right time to even have a fighting chance because you decided not to watch that movie that night and get an early night instead.

Luck. Pure luck.

Chunderella Tue 12-Mar-13 18:30:05

It sounds like Red and Icbineg are pretty much saying the same thing, just using different descriptors. A woman's experience in childbirth will be influenced by a number of factors, most of which she can't control, many of which she may not even know about and which can't simply be fobbed off as resulting from unnecessary intervention. You can call this luck, chance or something else.

Amber, if you come back I've got a couple of questions for you. Do you think women who birth unattended in rural Niger and sustain fistulas have traumatic births because of too much intervention? And can you tell us when you'll qualify and what area of the country you plan to practice in? I can't be the only one who'd do everything possible to avoid being under your care in labour.

MrsMoppetMama Tue 12-Mar-13 18:45:31

Ignore her.
I had a crappy time in birth but don't think there is anything I could have done to make it easier - it was just the way it was. We're thinking of TTC again soon and the memory of my first labour is one of the reasons we keep putting it off! In the end there is nothing that you could have done and thats that!

neighbourhoodwitch Tue 12-Mar-13 18:54:00

Silly woman she is. Try and ignore. Maybe it will be different for her next birth (not that I would ever wish extreme stress on anybody...) I mean only in the sense that she might learn from it.

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