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To wonder why some people don't RSVP to DC parties?

(311 Posts)
MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 14:11:34

confused I can't fathom it really. Out of 28 DC in DDs class, 22 have responded with thank you we'd love to come...one has let me know they will be away that weekend and 5 have not responded at all!

I see one of the Mothers sometimes....what's the deal?? Obviously we can't go to ALL the parties ALL the time and I'm happy with 22 that are attending...but I don't know how many bleddy party bags to make now! I'll have to make the extra 5 incase these children turn up won't I?

I could assume 2 for example lost invitations....but surely no more than that? It's such bad form!

Misfit13 Mon 04-Mar-13 22:06:52

DS1 is 19 now, so it's been a while and I have it all to look forward to with DS3. Anyway, I used to invite the whole class, make up a party bag for everyone, then take the uncollected ones in to school to be given to those who didn't/couldn't make it on the Monday so that a) that no child felt left out and b) those parents who just couldn't be bothered were shamed, by my kindly thoughtfulness, in to being less tardy in future!

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:10:41

Green but it IS personal you see. You put other people out by being selfish. It is selfish to say "Oh Im busy"

We are ALL frigging busy! I'm busy, I am on a budget too and don't want to waste money on party bags for children who may not come.

You should make an effort to reply to people who have asked your DC to a party.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:11:31

Misfit that's a good idea...I'll do that I think. Better than shoving them in the back of a cupboard to gather dust!

Awomansworth Mon 04-Mar-13 22:31:01

Just plain rude...

My twin sons party is this Sunday, out of 55 invites, 45 had replied by RSVP date on invitation (I did expect that some would decline with it being Mothers day) but 10 didn't bother to reply at all.

I sent another note in for book bags of those 10 asking for a quick text either way... only 4 replied! How long does it take to send a quick text to accept/decline an invitation.

Creamtea1 Mon 04-Mar-13 22:31:57

Ah ok mushroom sorry should have read more carefully- in that case yes, is rude for them not to reply at all. If you are feeling brave though - could try a follow up with any you know how to contact, or ask do to remind invited child? Better than nothing I guess?

Creamtea1 Mon 04-Mar-13 22:35:34

*meant dc not do

soverylucky Mon 04-Mar-13 22:36:17

I paid for dd to have her party at soft play. I had to pay for a certian number of kids and two didn't turn up - they hadn't replied. I didn't want to not pay for them just in case they just turned up. I wouldn't have minded one bit if they had texted, called, stopped me at school, sent a note to say that their child could not come but to not reply is just rude.

girliefriend Mon 04-Mar-13 22:37:34

yanbu at all this makes me quite angry as do the parents who do rsvp but after the date you asked them to.

Its not that hard to let people know ffs.

Bigwuss Mon 04-Mar-13 22:43:25

DS used to triage invites before I even got to see them, so if he didn't want to go, he wouldn't bring them home from school and left them in his tray which makes it difficult to let the organiser know. Pain in the neck really.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:45:46

Bigwuss in reception?? If that's true, your DS is pretty advanced socially. Most 4 and 5 year old's don't care whose the party is...they just hear "Party!" and get thrilled. If my child did that, they'd get a strong talking to about manners.

Dromedary Mon 04-Mar-13 22:47:12

At our school the huge majority don't bother to reply to invitations. Some then show up anyway, and some who've said they'll come don't bother. In the past I've prepared a few spare party bags, but really I think that with most not responding you may as well just prepare party bags for those who have RSVP'ed. I even spell out on the invitation why I would like people to reply if they are able to make it (as in knowing how much food and how many party bags to bring) (so if they don't reply I assume they are not coming). One poor boy invited just 2 best friends to a theme park for his birthday. Then without any warning one of them just didn't bother to turn up on the day.

LahleeMooloo Mon 04-Mar-13 22:47:24

Flaky rude forgetful people! even had one of ds's non-responders turn up claiming they were invited!

tallulah Mon 04-Mar-13 22:51:48

We sent 13 invitations in to school last Thursday. So far not one response. I keep checking my phone. Looks like I'm going to have to start grabbing parents at the gate and ask them direct.

Last year we had 5 invited at home. 2 responded, all 5 turned up.

SanityClause Mon 04-Mar-13 22:55:39

Naturally your DC's party is very important to you. To those other parents it's one other small thing. They may not have had the invitation. They may not have had a chance to discuss the juggling that will need to be done with their partner. Their DC may need to make a decision , eg, recently DS had to choose between a party and a rugby festival. All sorts of things may have happened.

Just set a date for the RSVP, a little earlier than you actually need, and politely phone or text around the ones you haven't heard from. I'm so tempted to say "Get over yourself!"

Speedos Mon 04-Mar-13 22:57:00

I'm sure there is an element of parent not getting invite, however at DS1's recent party I had about 5 non responders and 2 of them said something after the party along the lines of 'oops we didn't RSVP did we'.

The other thing is my son always knows when there are party invites in the trays as he is excited and can't wait to open them so I can't ever imagine missing one.

I will be older and wiser with DS2 parties!

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:59:40

Sanity but part of being a community and a parent is to be kind to one another and place oneself in other's shoes from time to time.

I know my child's party is important to me...same when DDs get invitations...THEIR party is a major event to THEM so I am thoughtful and respond. Others should be the same.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:00:31

I should add this is DC two...I'm not PFB at all. I just can't stand people who don't think of others in small ways.

Do as you would be done by is a good saying.

Awomansworth Mon 04-Mar-13 23:00:52

Of course we know that to other parents it's only a small thing... it's still rude to just not reply though.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:02:00

That's right Awomans. It's selfish and rude and you can bet those parents would be the loudest complainers when it happens to them. Because their needs come first.

Owllady Mon 04-Mar-13 23:04:42

maybe a minority of people have a lot on their plate?

I really do not get this braying forceful nature from people who are organising a fun event

Awomansworth Mon 04-Mar-13 23:05:59

Yes MrsMushroom - It wouldn't occur to me to just not respond with a yay or nay.

Owllady Mon 04-Mar-13 23:06:01

and I have most probably not replied to rather a lot but we have a chaotic life, not through choice but by having severely disabled child and whatever life throws our way wrt to that
we have most probably lost friends by being 'selfish and rude' shock grin

LahleeMooloo Mon 04-Mar-13 23:07:24

I'm a single parent who spends 12 hours a day out of the house during the week. I have a stressful job. DS has a million and one after school activities. I still always reply to invites on time, even if it's a no. It's easy- I just leave it out on my desk so I know I need to deal with it, as i do with all paperwork. If it's complete, I file it away. Sending a text on time is not a big ask.

FannyBazaar Mon 04-Mar-13 23:09:15

There are always some who don't RSVP, this year I got one kid whose name was not on the list who turned up! DS had either given out the invitation meant to be posted to friend who is not local or somehow came upon the invitation another boy lost. I made the mistake of not writing the names on the invitations! If only the Mum of the boy not invited had RSVPed. Apparently, according to DS, she wasn't sure if he could go or not as she didn't know who I was confused.

I am also a guilty party though, we had one invitation which was a trendy postcode style thing which I mistook for some advertising promotion blush and didn't realise who it was for. I have also RSVPed and turned up a week too late! Had another hand made invitation last year for something like a party on Tuesday 25th of whatever when the 25th was not a Tuesday, I was wondering if the child had made up a party and told DS I couldn't reply until I knew for sure when it was.

Loa Mon 04-Mar-13 23:10:39

Last party we threw needed to know numbers as paying per head - wasn't sure on numbers thanks to non RSVP’ing.

So went round and asked parents - god they were off with me and then got to the mother who nearly decked me for daring to ask - apparently I should have known DC Dad had the DC that weekend - confused I don't know these people.

Another grandparent has a go at DD1, reducing her to tears, because her GC was asked if she was coming by DD1 - got upset as she didn't know which DD1 fault was apparently.

It was a nice location with fun activity - and parents were free to stay or go as they chose.

I think it a mixture of disorganisation, not realising a reply of some sort is expected, and some parents think that there DC are so fantastic it is some kind of honour for you to spend 2 hours and loads on money on them to have their presence.

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