to not tell MIL i go in to labour..

(85 Posts)
rodandtheemu Tue 26-Feb-13 11:37:01

Hi...
Im due in 8 weeks and it's DP first child. MIL is very head strong and has assumed/demanded that she will be also at the hospital too. As she was with her other dgc.

I went to talk to SIL who said she was in and out every 5 mins during labour, going for smokes then actually started banging on window when she was actually giving birth so DH would come out and speak to her. He ignored her and MIL kept knocking.

MIL actually told me the knocking story too but said she was knocking on window as no one came out and told her what sex the baby was. She was quite bemused at this as to why they would be so inconciderate!

I feel i cant trust her to sit in waiting room so dont actually want her at hospital at all!

Also i dont want her grabbing baby when she is born stinking of fags.

I've spoken to DP last night about it and suggested NO one comes to hospital then me and DP can bond with her and then just have every one come to house when i get back some every one can meet her together.

The thing is MIL will be absolutly devostated if she cant come up, we are planning on not telling any body when i go in labour. She will freign the wounded puppy and make the whole birth about her. I dont know wether to tell her no one will be there before hand or just smile and nodd when she brings it up.

WWUD?

myBOYSareBONKERS Wed 27-Feb-13 06:09:40

Will the Midwives really stop her coming in though?

Inertia Wed 27-Feb-13 06:20:14

Surely most delivery wards are controlled entry, birth partner only ?

Anyway if they don't tell anyone when labour starts it won't be an issue.

AngryGnome Wed 27-Feb-13 06:24:00

At my hospital, you have to be buzzed in to the labour ward. If your name isn't on the birth partner list then you can't get on to the ward. You can't have visitors till you have left the labour ward and gone up to the maternity ward, and even then there are strict rules on times and how many visitors per bed. I thought it was the same everywhere?

butterflyexperience Wed 27-Feb-13 06:42:43

Ignore the entitled loon
This is about you, dp and baby

Not your loopy mil...

FellatioNels0n Wed 27-Feb-13 06:52:34

CAn we just clarify whether she wants to merely be present at the hospital so she can wait outside like an over-anxious mother, or is she actually expecting to be present in the delivery suite? Most poople here seem to think she is, but I didn't read the OP that way at all.

Not that she needs to be there either way unless expressly invited, but some people seem to be reading more into this than is there.

FellatioNels0n Wed 27-Feb-13 06:52:58

I mean outside in the corridor, not literally outside in the street!

PurpleStorm Wed 27-Feb-13 06:59:35

YANBU.

I wouldn't tell her I'd gone into labour either.

If you can trust her to not nag you continually for the next 8 weeks, I'd firmly tell her now that only DP (and necessary medical staff) will be in the labour room.

Seconding advice about practicing not answering the phone and telling midwives that you don't want anyone except your DP allowed into the delivery ward.

PurpleStorm Wed 27-Feb-13 07:05:33

But Fellatio, OP said that MIL was banging on the delivery room window when SIL was giving birth - it doesn't sound like she'd be content to wait patiently in the corridor!

AgathaF Wed 27-Feb-13 07:19:17

There is evidence to show that mothers who are anxious in labour have disturbed/slower labours (sometimes labour even stops, it is a preservation mechanism in case a place of birth turns out to not be safe and the mother-to-be needs to move), so it really wouldn't be a good idea to have anyone present during labour that you are not 100% comfortable with and trusting of.

Iaintdunnuffink Wed 27-Feb-13 07:37:18

Yanbu

I would talk to your midwife abut the set up at your hospital, it sounds las if your SIL gave birth quite a few years ago? At our hospital the delivery area has controlled entry and only birthing partners are let through. Even the maternity ward was very closely controlled, I did see visitors being encouraged to leave! There was no waiting room for either area, unless you count a cold corridor with no seating.

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