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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be grieving for my little cat

88 replies

kizzie · 15/02/2013 14:43

I've specifically not posted this on the pet boards because i wanted a wider set of views.

My lovely little cat died suddenly on Tuesday. She was only 7. I was away on business but she seemed completely fine when I left on monday. She started struggling to breathe on Tuesday morning and DH took her straight to the vets. They kept her in an oxygen tent all day and did lots of tests which showed heart failure and severe anaemia. She seemed to be improving a little and they were going to give her a blood transfusion but she sadly died late afternoon :-(

The vets have been fantastic. They let me go and see her when I got back and have been really kind. Ive no doubt that they did everything they could for her.

I was very very upset on tuesday but have been really knocked sideways by just how devastated DH and I feel about it. We have buried her in the garden which felt like the right thing but we both feel that we are really grieving.

Ds's also very upset - but I 'expected' that.

TBH I feel slightly shocked and embarrassed at just how upset I am. i really do feel like Im grieving a family member. Like everyone Ive gone through my own share of family bereavments and part of me is thinking 'she was only a cat!' but she was a really important part of our family.

Just wondered what others thought....

OP posts:

Sailormercury · 15/02/2013 14:46

YANBU

coraltoes · 15/02/2013 14:47

but she was a family member! ok a furry one who didnt speak, but i bet you understood her, and she understood you, and she felt loved and loved right back in her own way. I have 2 cats, one super affectionate, one a wanderer. I'd be saddened too in your shoes, and cant help but feel that they do play an important role in our family. They provide companionship, they teach children about caring and being gentle, and they are such fun!

I totally understand how you feel and sorry for your loss.

aldiwhore · 15/02/2013 14:48

Just because the thing you loved wasn't a person doesn't mean you can't grieve.

My brother lost his dog last week, his best friend and companion for over 18 years... I would be more worried if he hadn't grieved. He fell apart for a while. He said it was exactly the same feeling as when he lost his best human friend. There's nothing wrong with that. It's personal.

Don't be embarrassed. Your little cat was part of your family. Perhaps you may get over the grief quicker with her being a cat, but the mourning is similar, the feelings of loss can be the same.

WannabeWilloughby · 15/02/2013 14:49

Im so sorry Kizzie. I often joke that my dog is nicer than most humans and they do become part of the family.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I'll cry like a baby when anything happens to my dog and I don't care if people laugh. Like all bereavement it will fade though.

Im sorry I can't be more use, but I hope you feel better soon.

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 15/02/2013 14:49

It's entirely natural to be upset- she was part of your family.
I think losing a youngish pet unexpectedlt does knock you sideways

I'm sorry for your loss

DonnaMoss · 15/02/2013 14:50

YANBU, we lost our mog after he was hit by a van. I was heartbroken. Even Dh cried

frustratedworkingmum · 15/02/2013 14:50

I totally understand. And i don't understand either :)

When i lost my dog i was inconsolable, i mean, hysterical with grief and i remember waking up in the middle of the night howling wiht the pain of it all. The following days being a daze, it was horrible. Yet when my dad passed away there was none of this and i often question why i didn't grieve in such a way? I don't know, i think i allowed myself to grieve for my dog but have never really done so for my dad and as a consequence the sadness has never left. I remember my dog with happiness now, but still feel so desperately sad about my dad. But i didnt cry when he died I think its a protection thing.

PureQuintessence · 15/02/2013 14:51

Yanbu.
She was part of your family. Sorry for the loss of your cat.

Toughasoldboots · 15/02/2013 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frustratedworkingmum · 15/02/2013 14:52

That was meant to be a sympathetic smile, sorry, it just looks too cheerful

CockyFox · 15/02/2013 14:52

YANBU at all, our cat is our third baby, I would be really really upset if she had a sudden untimely death.

LetMeAtTheWine · 15/02/2013 14:55

YANBU.
Our little cat was hit by a car last year and I was gutted. Was supposed to be having a weekend away but didn't go because I was so upset. Knocked me for six because I have always had the mindset of 'it's only a cat', until it wasn't anymore .
Have her picture and collar on display and still talk about her lots a year on, and even though we have another cat in our lives now.
Hope you are feeling better soon

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 15/02/2013 14:57

I've been a complete mess when my cats have died. They're such a huge part of your life, it's natural to grieve the loss of an animal you loved, and who showed you affection and companionship.

It would be odd if you weren't knocked sideways and emotional.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

BagCat · 15/02/2013 15:02

YANBU. At all. They are part of your family and you just love them the same. Hope you feel better soon and don't feel embarrassed for being upset. Remember how lucky you are to have had the chance to give a little friend a good life

Sunnywithshowers · 15/02/2013 15:02

YANBU at all. I lost one of my boys three years ago and I was a mess.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/02/2013 15:05

Yanbu she was part of the family and went before her time which adds to the shock and upset

lurkedtoolong · 15/02/2013 15:06

YANBU at all. You've lost a member of your family. I still grieve for my little dog who died 12 years ago - not on a daily basis or anything but still feel sad now and again that she's not part of my life any more.

SnowyWellies · 15/02/2013 15:12

She was a part of your family, of course you are upset.

Awizardsstaffhasaknobontheend · 15/02/2013 15:19

So sorry your cat passed, it is truely painful to lose anything you love. YANBU at all! She was a family member and to be honest, 7 isnt very old to lose a cat. When I have lost cats in the past, somehow the ones that were older seemed easier to rationalise, even though I sobbed with the loss of each and every one of them! Be kind to yourself and dont try to rationalise it too much, its nature helping you move on.

Original poster

kizzie · 15/02/2013 15:36

Oh thank you everyone
I was half expecting to come back and see that everyone had written 'get a grip'.
I always knew that I would be upset if anything happened to her but I honestly didnt realise just how intensely I would feel it.
She was such a sweet little thing, very very pretty and really intuitive (always knew if one of us wasnt well etc.) The house feels really empty without her.
Im not sure about getting another one. Definately too soon at the moment. I think id be worried that I wouldnt feel as strongly for them ...
Thanks for all lovely messages

OP posts:

LisasCat · 15/02/2013 15:39

I cried more for my cats than my dad. My first especially was the sibling my desperately lonely ten year old self longed for. You have nothing to feel ashamed of. You have my sympathies. Having been absent when it happened will have made your grieving process a lot harder.

missmapp · 15/02/2013 15:42

My cat died last week, she was an old lady ( 19) so it wasn't unexpected, but I was really shocked how much it affected me. I really miss her welcoming us when we come home . YANBU

hugoagogo · 15/02/2013 15:44

Of course yanbu.

Poor you, it is so painful; I think maybe because the love we have for them is so uncomplicated.

atacareercrossroads · 15/02/2013 15:45

Yanbu, pets are family. I still get very emotional when I think about past pets. Hope it gets easier for you soon x

batteryhen · 15/02/2013 15:45

Even the thought of losing my cat or dog makes me fill up :(. I feel sad for people who have never had that sort of love for an animal xxx

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