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What's the most appropriate birthday present for mil from hell

(122 Posts)
plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:16:47

So nothing new, my mil is a witch. I actually think she is very clever as she manipulates me, dh and her entire family like puppets on strings. Anyway, she hates me, offered me money not to marry dh, called dh two days before wedding begging him not to marry me saying he was making a huge mistake etc, that she was losing a son and then called me and told me a dark cloud has landed over her family and it's me. yada yada. I think it's because they are a family of top Drs and I didn't go to university - she brings that up a lot. I do however run a successful business but I am not what she hoped for. Anyway, on our wedding day she chucked a bottle of red wine over me - classy, she then ruined our wedding day by crying outside and then there was a fight between dh sister (a bridesmaid) and one of our family friends. Awful!

That's a very brief summary of ten years of hell. We agreed not o cut them off after much discussion and let them see the grandkids although she's starting her manipulative ways with the kids ( told my 7 yr old daughter that she shouldn't eat everything on her plate or she will end up like mummy) and tells my 4 yr old son to ask mummy if he can come and stay with her and she will give him lots of sweets etc etc. Anyway, trivialising for a moment - for the last three Xmas she has bought me the most obscure presents. A nailbrush from tk max with a bar of soap, following year a doormat, and this year a hand towel. Now, dh and I now laugh about it but it is a tad upsetting. It's her birthday next week.......what should I buy her?

Ridersofthestorm Wed 13-Feb-13 22:51:40

One of them experience day gifts, like a bungee jump off a very very very high cliff

mum382013 Wed 13-Feb-13 22:16:01

a muzzle?

plim Wed 13-Feb-13 22:05:19

Tenure ??? Sorry they're not tenure (iPad)

plim Wed 13-Feb-13 22:04:40

Ah mumsnetters, I love you guys! Just read all of the ideas and tenure all so good I'm going to save to my desktop and use them for forthcoming birthdays. And yes, on a serious note she is a horror and yes I would love to cut contact but hey that'll be another thread soon "how do I cut off my mil whilst keeping my dh" - watch this space, and thanks

glossyflower Wed 13-Feb-13 20:59:07

A birthday card only with a message telling her not to contact you or your family again.
Sounds like a right bitch ... I think it's more harmful to put up with that kind of behaviour around your kids than to cut them loose completely.

DumSpiroSpero Wed 13-Feb-13 20:54:17

TitWillow my mum would be delighted with a four pack of evaporated milk - she used to have it in her cereal every morning until she was diagnosed with diabetes!

MyDarlingClementine Wed 13-Feb-13 20:43:56

LOVE the Tame the Inner Dragon book.

OTTMummA Wed 13-Feb-13 20:09:56

Yeah, get the cut out of yourself, but flip the bird on the other hand and wink.

LittleChimneyDroppings Wed 13-Feb-13 19:32:33

Get her a set of flying ducks to hang on her wall.

slug Wed 13-Feb-13 16:43:06

Or This book? Or how about being really evil and giving her this one?

TitWillow Wed 13-Feb-13 16:02:01

A very beautifully gift wrapped four pack of value evaporated milk. Gives the maximum anticipipation and the maximum disappointment.

GooseyLoosey Wed 13-Feb-13 15:50:52

A pitchfork?

Fishandjam Wed 13-Feb-13 15:48:41

A Sansevieria trifasciata plant. Common names are snake plant, or mother-in-law's tongue.

Pigsmummy Wed 13-Feb-13 15:45:39

Adopt a goat/chicken in Africa via Oxfam

bigbeniwish Wed 13-Feb-13 13:30:16

À lifesize cardboard cut out of yourself Giving à thumbs up

SassySpice Wed 13-Feb-13 13:18:32

A bag of sprouts

Flobbadobs Wed 13-Feb-13 12:26:17

If you're going for a witch theme try this..
www.pagandreams.co.uk/Altar-Ritual-Tools/Cauldrons/pentacle-cauldron-15cm.aspx
I have one, useful and mildly insulting at the same time...

freddiefrog Wed 13-Feb-13 11:27:19

I have a similar MiL (although she didn't try to buy me off, she did tell DH he would be written out of her will)

We sponsored a donkey from the local donkey sanctuary for MiL one year but it went over her head

She just gets a card and a framed photo of the kids now.

ratspeaker Wed 13-Feb-13 11:15:40

wink greg

thats why I thought it would be ideal grin

GregBishopsBottomBitch Wed 13-Feb-13 09:07:56

HMV cards, you cant use them now anyway, can ya?

ratspeaker Wed 13-Feb-13 08:41:52

I've got an HMV card kicking about somewhere. Not sure if it was ever used
Yours if you want it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 13-Feb-13 07:10:23

I agrre with those who say an oxfam goat or similar

misanthropologist Wed 13-Feb-13 06:40:21

If there was ever an occasion to gift someone with a large metal chicken, it's this one: http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/ also known as BOK BOK M-F-er!

I mock-threaten my DH and MIL with one occasionally when they get a bit out of hand. wink

AmberSocks Wed 13-Feb-13 00:15:32

why do you have to buy her anything?why be fake?If your dh wants to buy her something let him,i wouldnt buy someone i didnt like and who disliked me back anything for their birthday.

wednesdaygirl Wed 13-Feb-13 00:12:02

Lol at this gringringrin
My mil offered to pay my sil not to marry her son, they hate each other

I on the other hand she loves thanks

But sil and i enjoy our bitch chats gringringrin

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