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To expect my future sister in law not to announce her sudden engagement/wedding plans, less than 2 weeks after me and DP announce our last minute wedding (in May this year!)

(82 Posts)
MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 21:44:18

Basically me and my DP have been together for 10 years, we have 2 children together and we have finally decided to get married in summer of this year. DP's sister has been with her partner for just over the same amount of time, they also have children and have always said they would never get married/shown little interest. Two weeks ago we announced our wedding plans and all of a sudden it is plastered all over facebook (we rang everybody up to let them know personally) that they are also getting wed (in approx. 2 years time so a while off yet) and are soooo excited blah bah. Every status update since yesterday has been about their 'imminent wedding' am I being unreasonable to think it is a huuuge coincidence? Not sure if I'm reading too much into it and need some perspective.

MadameFlutterby Sun 10-Feb-13 11:05:07

Not sure your opinion has really added anything constructive to the thread..obviously the PhD thing has not been copied to gain any kind of revenge. I'm not that precious! I think Dp definitely inspired him to follow his dreams and that's a good thing. It's the timing of their announcement of the wedding (and the ongoing face book campaign) which has made me and dp think it more than just coincidence.

saffronwblue Sun 10-Feb-13 10:13:08

Half opened bottles of alcohol saved for a later wedding? Undertaking a physics PhD to copy someone else? This thread is insane!

OP try announcing that one of you is to have a nasty operation and see how long before they have the same affliction!

yellowsheep Sun 10-Feb-13 10:06:06

nope i didnt get that opertunity ;) i think she may have 'chosen ' her bridesmaids to fit the dresses we had (grown ups) but had my neices and nephews in the same role wearing excatley the same thing.. wearing my shoes!!!

Dh gave my shoes away after almost a decade it still bothers me

IceNoSlice Sat 09-Feb-13 12:48:16

Really yellowsheep? That's amazing! A real spin on the typical MIL/bride post, love it. Did she even ask you to wear one of your own bridesmaid dresses?

yellowsheep Sat 09-Feb-13 12:29:32

My mil decided to get married after we had annouced our wedding... It was 3 months after ours and she used the same bridesmaid dresses table decorations and even pinched my wedding shoes she kept ssting that they did everything on the cheap....... That's because we paid for everything she even had the half opened bottles of alcohol and leftover plates glasses etc. My parents didn't like to say no at the wedding day after me and dh had left the party she pretty much stripped the hall anf loaded it into her car

TheBigJessie Sat 09-Feb-13 09:52:00

Well, after reading through the drips...

I don't believe anyone starts a Physics doctorate solely to one-up his fiancée's brother. The fact that you've decided that this is the case leads me to believe that you see competition in everything they do!

Maybe your sister-in-law has simply happened to meet someone with a strong interest in Physics, as her brother has? I suppose that maybe your Groom-to-be inspired him to follow his own dreams, but what's so bad about that?

Cortana Sat 09-Feb-13 09:47:47

Glad you've found some perspective. smile

Could this maybe be used as a way to build bridges between you and SIL? Common ground perhaps?

mum47 Sat 09-Feb-13 08:42:09

manchestermummy, that is kind of what I was trying to say further up, albeit in a fairly crass and clumsy way, I felt a bit like that too - but I would say only for a short while - once you get into making the arrangements there is not time to think of anything else!

HappySeven Sat 09-Feb-13 07:20:46

Has it occurred to you she may have been anti-marriage to try and stop people asking 'so when are you getting engaged?' It can be pretty irritating when you've been a couple for a while and it seems that everyone is asking. I did a similar thing about having children as I found the way people pried really annoying.

Now her partner's proposed she's thrilled and rightly so.

And no one would do a PhD in physics as some sort of revenge.

nefertarii Sat 09-Feb-13 07:17:36

op any more information you want to drip feed before I comment?

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 09-Feb-13 07:12:37

Haha, you think thats bad, my sister deliberarely booked her wedding for the day before my other sister was due to give birth! Wouldnt change date, wouldnt wait, insisted that was the day. Didnt realise that babies will trump a wedding every time so curtailed the excitement fairly rapidly of (if you can call it that) her big day as it was all forgotten the minute the baby appeared. Ridiculous.

Going against the grain here but YANBU, esp about her going on about it two years in advance. My SIL did the same. Only she got married four weeks before us. ILs kept on asking why we had decided to get married so soon after SIL.

DoJo Sat 09-Feb-13 03:02:32

It sounds as though you've started to make your peace with the situation, but one thing which has struck me is that you seem to be laying the blame squarely at your SIL's door, when her husband-to-be is the one who's actually related to your DP and is presumably just as much involved in this oneupmanship if you really think that his choice of phd is another part of it.
As another thought which struck me reading this - do you know her family? Is it possible that she is trying to live up to a standard you have set because she is coming under pressure to do the things they hear you and HP are doing? You are lucky to have a loving and supportive family, but not everyone is so maybe she is caving under pressure rather than trying to elbow in to your joy.

Bogeyface Netherlands Sat 09-Feb-13 00:58:23

Pure for a start, getting married after 10 years and 2 kids is a huge big deal these days, most marriages dont make it that long anymore! If a couple are still so in love and happy that they want to make a public commitment of marriage after ten years, young parenthood, financial difficulties and their studies then that is a huge big deal. I would rather go to that wedding than the wedding of 30 something A & B who have been together 3 years and havent seen a bad day in those years. I know who I would be putting my money on to be having a Golden Wedding anniversary!

And the OP didnt make a FB campaign out of it, she merely used it in a light hearted way to say "I am almost married to the love my life!". The SIL2B started the FB campaign and the OP hasnt responded which I think shows that she has far more dignity and self awareness.

MadameFlutterby Sat 09-Feb-13 00:10:56

Thanks to all those who have helped me put some perspective on this

AgentZigzag Sat 09-Feb-13 00:10:52

It's alright to act out of character, and they might have just got into the routine of saying 'we're not fussed about getting married' to fend off questions from persistent family members.

But it's almost as though you've worked yourself up knowing people'll be excited when they hear, and when you've told future SIL/general people, they're answering 'Oh yes, we heard, but what about XXXX and XXXX also getting married??' before a conversation about them tying the knot, when you wanted to talk about what yours meant to you.

It's not bridezilla behaviour to be upset with that, especially as it mostly on behalf your DPs feelings.

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 23:27:58

AgentZigZag...that's the point we can't get away from! They have been so anti-marriage for so long, it just seems so out of character

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 23:22:35

It probably isn't for a be all and end all for Dp's family PureQuintessence and that's the problem I'm getting at, hence all the bitchiness from their side. But seeing as it's DP who has more to celebrate i.e. 10 years of studying and a PhD at the end of it I would expect more enthusiasm and not just a blatant snub 'by the way we're getting married too.' In a way, I'm more mad for DP as my family are over the moon. I'm really not a horrible person although it would appear so!

AgentZigzag Fri 08-Feb-13 23:17:26

It's the length of time both couples have been together that you can't get away from.

After all this time, when they could have done it at any point, they decide to choose a very similar time with a couple who've also been together 10 years odd.

Is that a coincidence, or is it a 'coincidence'.

I'm going for the latter.

Booyhoo Fri 08-Feb-13 23:16:19

oops. xposting with OP! blush

Booyhoo Fri 08-Feb-13 23:14:39

actually i think getting married after 10 years is a big celebration. just like celebrating all the hard work you put into a PHD at the end of all the work, getting married after a long time together is like celebrating all you have been through including the hard work involved in being young parents and getting through any bad times (we all have those right?) together. maybe that's how weddings should be, a celebration of all you have done together after 5/10/15 years rather than a commitment to be together forever after 1/2/3 years together.

If they have form, dont let anything spoil it for you. Have your celebration and invite who you want, close friends and family you get on with.

MiniEggsinJanuary Fri 08-Feb-13 23:13:35

Definitely annoying OP! When DH and I announced our engagement and wedding date, SIL decided to begin a relationship, conceive and get engaged with a proposed wedding date all within four weeks! Dhe even tried to book the same venue as us for two werks before our date! Turns out she made the baby bit up and the venue was booked for her date. I was spitting feathers and had a total bridezilla moment but they broke up a few weeks afterwards and it was all for nothing. Long and short of it - I feel your pain!

JockTamsonsBairns Fri 08-Feb-13 23:13:33

grin at bluestocking

Yes, but lets be honest and not beat around any old bush. It really is no big deal to most people, and start a Facebook campaign, and make name points, and counting down weeks, is just a tad overdoing it.

Counting down to big degree celebration, that I can understand.

But not going bananas over getting married when you have been together a decade, live together and have kids.

Why should all brides to be get to live in cloud coo-coo land that their wedding is the be end and whistles ball for all?

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