to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

(506 Posts)
ICBINEG Mon 04-Feb-13 17:26:48

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

laluna Mon 04-Feb-13 17:47:29

Sorry YABU

This comes from one who has had HG twice and was hospitalised. I am pro choice but don't think it's right to plan a pregnancy that you are considering aborting before you have even started.

9 months of HG (which I know is grim) versus a baby's potential life is selfish. Sorry.

jumpingjackhash Mon 04-Feb-13 17:47:40

I would only TTC if I was sure I could cope with the whole pregnancy and all it may entail.

^ this.

Strangemagic Mon 04-Feb-13 17:47:51

Pregnancy isn't like trying on a pair of new shoes,keep on trying until you find some that fit,I suffered badly in my 1st pregnancy,but lessened in 2 and 3.

I put up with it because I knew my baby would make it all worthwhile.YABU.

5madthings Mon 04-Feb-13 17:48:01

iceberg I think you are Weiss to do your research before you get preg sand get a Dr onboard who will treat hg and be supportive.

I follow the leakyboob on Feb, she had severe hg in all six.! Of her pregnancies and did a post about how she contemplated abortion. She also has HEAPS of knowledge about hg and treatments and managing it etc.

If you find her page on fb she will help you find info and support.

phantomnamechanger Mon 04-Feb-13 17:48:34

I have had HG - hospitalised for 6 days on a drip and nil by mouth, then home on meds. It is grim. I was ill right up till 6.5 months.

I have also had the misfortune of having to choose to terminate a much wanted pg - due to a very serious foetal abnormaility. This was grim beyond belief. I would much rather have been throwing up all day every day for 9 months. I would rather have lost an arm or leg than lose my baby (at 20 weeks), but the condition she had was incompatible with life. It was amazing that I got as far as I did without MC, apparently. Readers, if you are in the "I would never terminate" camp, then please beleive that you can never KNOW how you would react till you are in that place - and it depends on all your other circumstances too - eg other DC

OP - if you are a troll please grow up and go away where you wont be upsetting vulnerable people. If you are not a troll, please think very carefully about how much you actually WANT another child before ttc. It is OK to be scared and worry about HG - but would you really terminate just for that? I would not - especially as they say that its a sign of a good healthy pregnancy!

What does your OH say - its not JUST your decision

HecateWhoopass Mon 04-Feb-13 17:48:36

I thought that this was something that if you'd had it, you'd likely have it in every subsequent pregnancy?

My only source on information is the daughter of a friend of mine who suffered with it during each pregnancy and was told that she stood an extremely high chance of it happening in any future pregnancy

If that's right, then there would really be little point trying to concieve, since the odds are that you wouldn't proceed with the pregnancy.

Have you contacted any groups or anything for information on the likelihood of HG in pregnancy if you've had it already?

I think that repeated ttc and abortion would run the risk of destroying you emotionally.

Megatron Mon 04-Feb-13 17:48:45

I'm not sure I understand this. You are saying that you would abort a child solely because of HG, have I got that right?

If so, then it is of course entirely your choice but I most definitely think YABU and I had HG with both my children. Perhaps it would be wiser to stick with one child. What does your OH think about it all, would be be happy for you to abort your child for this reason?

ChampyandtheWonderHorse Mon 04-Feb-13 17:48:49

I think there is still a misconception of HG in that people are not aware just how terrible it can be. People often contemplate termination as a result.

But that doesn't affect what I said earlier about OP's plan.

WeAreSix Mon 04-Feb-13 17:48:49

No-one can measure what probability it is that you will get HG in subsequent pregnancies.

It is morally and ethically incorrect to carry out research on pregnant women and / or fetuses.

I also think that it is wrong to abort a healthy, tried for pregnancy as a treatment for HG. Have you thought about how many pregnancies you would terminate?

Viviennemary Mon 04-Feb-13 17:50:34

You should take medical advice on this serious matter.

sudaname Mon 04-Feb-13 17:51:26

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ChampyandtheWonderHorse Mon 04-Feb-13 17:51:42

'I think you are being naive to think that you can just keep re-concieving embryos until you get a pregnancy that doesn't come with any side effects.'

This as well.

PuffPants Mon 04-Feb-13 17:55:46

YABU.

I haven't had HG but it sounds appalling and utterly depressing. I am certain that if I was unlucky enough to suffer it once, that would be my last pregnancy.

Trying a pregnancy out for size with no commitment to seeing it through is thoroughly immoral.

You have the benefit of hindsight here, use it.

EuroShagmore Mon 04-Feb-13 17:55:48

"I would only TTC if I was sure I could cope with the whole pregnancy and all it may entail."

I agree with this. You would be v unreasonable to ttc if this is how you feel.

BalloonSlayer Mon 04-Feb-13 17:56:49

Maybe the OP is trying only out this mindset to see if it gives her the courage to TTC . . .

SuffolkNWhat Mon 04-Feb-13 17:57:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverfrog Mon 04-Feb-13 17:57:33

I had HG with my second and third pregnancies (first pregnancy was ectopic, so also not without problems!)

being pregnant with dd1 was awful. 9 months of sheer misery and illness and hospital stays.

but, I still wanted and had dd2 2 years later. also awful, but this time I knew it would end (obviously I knew that the first time, but it seemed more open ended the first time I went through it), and that I owuld be ok afterwards.

5 years after that, I had ds. thankfully 'all' I had with him was normal morning sickness - still spent most of the pregnancy waiting for HG to kick in!

I could not do what you are thinking of - I only tried for another baby knowing that I woudl be able to get through it, however awful it was (and it was pretty bloody awful)

PuffPants Mon 04-Feb-13 17:57:57

And I think it would be better for you if falling pregnant didn't come so easily. You might be a bit less reckless if you had to wait months (or years) before trying again.

5madthings Mon 04-Feb-13 17:58:29

The op has said she might abort sure to hg and some women do abort for this/reason there was a prog I saw recently in a UK hospital where a mum had this, I have hardly seen a woman look so Ill. In the end she didn't abort but it took her being in hospital for most of her pregnancy and a huge amount if support from midwives and drs to get through it.

I think you need to speak to a consultant and get as much advice as you cans, look into treatments etc and get a plan drawn up by your Dr of what they can do if you get hg. If you have a plan in place and coping strategies and support you may feel better at continuing but you will need support and a plan. You casnt just go into this thinking you will abort if you get hg, there are options.

Ask said the leaky boob on fb has been through this and has great advice.

Tbh I think it is better that you are looking at your options niwthan blindly getting pregnant with the hope you won't get hg.

calandarbear Mon 04-Feb-13 17:59:10

I think YABU.

I had HG in my first pregancy and severe sickness in my second ( 5 times + a day but not hospitalised second time).

I got pregnant the second time knowing how bad it could be but also knowing I could get through it. If you don't think you can get through it then you shouldn't TTC

hiddenhome Mon 04-Feb-13 18:00:39

Disgusting, and I sincerely hope you don't conceive if this what you are planning sad

Softlysoftly Mon 04-Feb-13 18:01:36

I think you are panicking. I think that you truly want another child but are so terrified by how hg affected you (rightly so) that you need a safety line mentally. This is your back up parachute mentally

"Ill ttc then alert if it's horrible, I get pg easily".

I could be wrong of course. That said I think you need pepper medical advice and perhaps help to mentally prepare.

Think about how the mc affected you and now imagine you are choosing it (I am prochoice btw but know it's not as easy as you seem to think).

feministefatale Mon 04-Feb-13 18:01:57

What does your OH say - its not JUST your decision

well I agree in that if your dh knows you will be likely to abort he should be made aware of this as he may not choose to TTC. But obviously once you are pregnant it really is just your decision.

LynetteScavo Mon 04-Feb-13 18:03:01

I think you would be unreasonable to consciously conceive, knowing you would abort if you had HG.

I'm not going to go into my personal experiences under this user name, but if you know you are likely to get HG, plan for and prepare for it, before getting pregnant.

I've never heard before that HG is unlikely to strike twice....I really think some women are prone to it.

bigkidsdidit Mon 04-Feb-13 18:03:11

If you are pro choice (which I am) I don't understand the moral difference between aborting a foetus because of HG or because, I don't know, you found out your DH had been cheating and you left and were desperate (or any other situation). Surely if you are pro choice you are pro choice

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