to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

(506 Posts)
ICBINEG Mon 04-Feb-13 17:26:48

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

AnyFucker Mon 04-Feb-13 17:31:13

Well, I suffered with awful sickness in both of my full term pregnancies, despite being assured that it wouldn't necessarily happen again

In my experience, I think the risk is high once you have already had HG

So, personally I would make my decision as to whether to ttc with that in mind. You could have several attempts, and need to face the prospect of termination every time.

socharlottet Mon 04-Feb-13 17:31:53

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

nefertarii Mon 04-Feb-13 17:32:47

As someone who has had am abortion I would not ttc. I couldn't go through it a second time. I certainly couldn't purposely get pg knowing that I would abort.

Not judging but that's my opinion. I was under the impression that hg is more likely to manifest in someone who has already had it. My sip had it with both.

No one cab tell you what to do. But having experienced abortion I think yabu and if I were in this situation I would have stuck at one.

KateBeckett Mon 04-Feb-13 17:33:05

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable aborting a potentially (probably?) completely healthy baby which I had tried to conceive because of sickness in pregnancy.

I can understand why you would consider it, but that would be over the line for me. If I were you and absolutely sure I couldn't go through a pregnancy like that again, I would consider stopping at one or looking into adoption / surrogacy / other options.

ChampyandtheWonderHorse Mon 04-Feb-13 17:34:03

Hiya. I had HG with all three of mine, with large gaps in between while I worked up the courage to try again.

I had better meds with no 3 but still it was horrendous and as you say. soul destroying. I spent months in bed, unable to care for my other children properly.

I am never going to do it again but then, I have my children already and I am so sorry for you in your current position wanting another.

You may not have it again. I've heard stories both ways. But though I am pro choice, in the grey area around abortion - and, relevantly, I considered it all three times with mine, I think it's a really sad thingto think of having a 'trial' pregnancy and aborting if it makes you sick, then trying again for one that doesn't sad

I found I was unable to go through with abortion in my circumstances, but I can see why people do it. Having had my babies I can't imagine being withoutthem.

Tbh the HG was dreadful but it went away in the end. I was fortunate - mine stopped mostly around 22-25 weeks. I had other problems after that but nothing as bad as the HG.

Keep thinking and good luck x

AmberSocks Mon 04-Feb-13 17:35:29

yabu

Bearfrills Mon 04-Feb-13 17:35:51

YANBU.

You know in yourself what you can/cannot tolerate physically and mentally. I've never had HG but I imagine it to be relentlessly soul destroying. Normal morning sickness was bad enough and I know people often don't make the distinction between morning sickness and HG which must make it even worse being told it's "only" sickness.

Second pregnancies are often harder with a toddler in tow too.

A decision to abort is your decision, the same as the decision to continue a pregnancy.

Good luck, whatever happens.

But how would you know whether any sickness was HG and not just bad morning sickness? How many weeks would you have to suffer before you made the decision?
I mean how do you know that if you aborted at say 12 weeks that the sickness wouldn't have stopped at 13 weeks?

I haven't suffered with HG myself but have family members that have. If it were me, I would only TTC if I was sure I could cope with the whole pregnancy and all it may entail. I suffered PGP with my first, I wouldn't try for a second if I wasn't sure I could cope with PGP again and that it'd be worth it

recall Mon 04-Feb-13 17:37:51

YABU

ICBINEG Mon 04-Feb-13 17:40:05

thanks for the opinions so far.

Does this depend on the likely hood of getting the HG? It sort of feels like it might. IF I thought the chances were 50:50 then there is no way I would do it. If they are 1:10...well maybe. 1:100 definitely.

All I can find is things saying it is more likely to have it in a pregnancy if you have had it before...not by how much.

livepoas Mon 04-Feb-13 17:41:00

YABU. Sorry.

Either ttc at a time when you can afford proper treatment for HG should you need it, like time off, hospital, persevering with sickness drugs etc

Or don't ttc.

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CinnabarRed Mon 04-Feb-13 17:42:55

I just can't imagine TTC a baby, getting HG, aborting, trying again, getting HG, aborting, trying again...

I would only TTC if I was sure I could cope with the whole pregnancy and all it may entail. I think this sums up my views.

I certainly wouldn't criticise you for deciding to stick at one. But I think it's wrong to TTC again if you don't think with as much certainty as you can muster than you would be able to see it through.

flurp Mon 04-Feb-13 17:43:12

YABVVVU!!
To deliberately get pg and use abortion as an option is disgusting!
I'm not anti abortion by any means but your post is quite upsetting.
If you can't cope with HG again then don't try to conceive again.
How can you justify aborting a baby because you don't like the symptoms of pregnancyshockshockshock

AnyFucker Mon 04-Feb-13 17:43:14

OP is not a troll, she is an established poster

I do remember feeling so bad during my pg's if anyone had offered to shoot me, I would have agreed to it

I undertook the 2nd one with full knowledge it could happen again though, and wouldn't have contemplated a termination for that alone.

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Feb-13 17:43:18

ICBINEG is not a troll, she's a regular poster.

Tbh I think if I were in your position OP (and I accept I'm not) I'd rather stick with one child than face the thought of aborting a baby I'd actively TTC.

birdsofshore Mon 04-Feb-13 17:43:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChampyandtheWonderHorse Mon 04-Feb-13 17:44:48

that's cos nobody can predict it though - some folk only have it once, others get it with their second pregnancy but not their first, others still have it with every pregnancy and with mine, it lasted longer each time.

No one can tell you if you'll have it again or not but I'd wager the chances are more than 1/10. So sorry sad

Did you have medication with your other baby? If not there may be something that works for you. That could make a difference. This is what I went into #3 thinking - and unfortunately though I started out very positive and hopeful, by about 7 weeks it was really getting to me and by 10 weeks or so I did reach the point again where I just wanted to die.

But having had a 6 year break I'd forgotten how bad it could be.

feministefatale Mon 04-Feb-13 17:44:55

I had horrible morning sickness, I remember wishing I woudl miscarry, I couldn't have brought myself to abort though. I personally wouldn't try and get pregnant knowing I would abort either. But I am prochoicse and it's your decision.

Pickles101 Mon 04-Feb-13 17:45:33

I think you are being naive to think that you can just keep re-concieving embryos until you get a pregnancy that doesn't come with any side effects.

How many nausea-inducing foetuses are you going to get through before you decide that you'll just put up with the vomiting?

Nancy66 Mon 04-Feb-13 17:45:45

It's not something that sits comfortably with me.

I think you either need to make your peace with the fact you may well have another horrible pregnancy or decide to stick to one child.

The idea of conceiving, aborting and then trying again (and possibly aborting again) is pretty unpleasant.

N0tinmylife Mon 04-Feb-13 17:45:47

YABU, it seems very wrong to me to say you would abort a healthy, wanted baby because it made you feel sick. I do feel for you HG must be absolutely horrendous, but if you can't cope with the possibility I would not TTC.

BabsAndTheRu Mon 04-Feb-13 17:46:02

YABU You could have HG with ever pregnancy, so on that basis its about what you want most in life. Do you want another child or not. You say you can't face HG again so no point trying to conceive.

AnyFucker Mon 04-Feb-13 17:47:17

this medical reference gives a risk in subsequent pg's as 29 times higher than if you had never suffered HG, or 16-19% higher probability

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now