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Etiquette - sending presents through the post / pre-printed cards

(41 Posts)
PresentWrapper Wed 30-Jan-13 20:54:09

This is a very trivial AIBU, but I am really curious as to what is acceptable in these circumstances.

My DH had his 40th birthday at the weekend. The week before his birthday, a parcel arrived from his brother (who lives at the other side of the country). Not wrapped up - simply a jiffy bag directly from the seller addressed to BIL at our address. Luckily I guessed what it was, opened it, and wrapped it up for DH. I had to do the same MIL's present, but she lives abroad so it's understandable.

Today (4 days late), a card arrived from BIL for DH. But it was one of those cards you order online to be sent directly to the recipient - i.e. no-one actually signed the card.

DH and BIL have a fairly volatile relationship, not terribly friendly at the moment but at least on speaking terms.

I'm mildly irritated by this. Unlike MIL, BIL didn't contact me to tell me present was on the way, and would I mind wrapping it. He had plenty of time to wrap the gift (it arrived a week early), and it was very light so would not have broken the bank in postage costs.

When I send people presents by post, I either pay for Amazon gift wrapping or have the present delivered to me first, to wrap and then go to the post office. I am just creating work for myself?

PresentWrapper Wed 30-Jan-13 22:43:51

Err - I did accept I was unreasonable...

Adamit Wed 30-Jan-13 22:52:13

my apologies then i thought you were being sarcastic.

at the end of the day i hope your DH had a wonderful birthday and the present and card were appreciated and brought him and his brother closer.

Whitewineformeplease Wed 30-Jan-13 22:57:21

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I think a lot of people giving you a hard time are being defensive, probably because they've done the same thing in the past! It is a bit crap to give someone a present in plastic bag, and a card 4 days late as well. What a knob. For his birthday, send him a photo of you and your DH. In a plastic frame. Wrapped in tin foil.wink

wannabedreams Wed 30-Jan-13 23:02:09

My mum and dad live abroad and do this, I do find it a little bit 'impersonal' tbh but feel that makes me ungrateful.

fluffypillow Wed 30-Jan-13 23:10:49

YANBU op. I think it's a very lazy and impersonal way of doing things.

Cherriesarelovely Wed 30-Jan-13 23:16:33

Your DH was lucky, my DBs (that I am on very good terms with) never give me a birthday present, wrapped or otherwise!

Quilty Wed 30-Jan-13 23:20:21

YANBU to be annoyed by the unwrapped present from the BIL however it sounds like the way he sent the present is a reflection of his bad relationship with your husband. It's as though he saying "I'll buy you something for your birthday but I'm doing it with as little effort as possible"

Am quite shocked at how many people seem to think posting a present in this way is ok, just seems so impersonal!

Just out of interest, did you tell your husband how the present was originally sent or did you wrap it up and not mention it?

PresentWrapper Wed 30-Jan-13 23:26:56

Quilty - I think you've nailed why I'm feeling upset about this. I couldn't hide it from DH as he knows the wrapping paper we had in the house.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Wed 30-Jan-13 23:31:00

FairPlay to OP for acknowledging that she may have been BU. I agree withthe majority and also think YABU

Here is a quote from Moonpig's corporate website

" Moonpig.com shipped in excess of 12 million cards to nearly three million customers in the past 12 months. Moonpig turnover was £38m in its fiscal year ending April 2011."

I don't know if this is just in the UK or not, but even so, it shows that there are a lot of people who think this type of card is OK.

PresentWrapper Wed 30-Jan-13 23:34:33

Don'tEvenThink - those stats are really interesting. I have used Moonpig in the past (and the personalised cards are great), however I get them delivered to me to sign and then post on.

From what you seem to be saying it is normal to have Moonpig deliver the card directly to the recipient? (For clarity I am not being sarcastic, just genuinely curious as to what is normal).

oldnewmummy Wed 30-Jan-13 23:36:48

I live abroad and so send all my cards to UK people via Moonpig. No-one has ever complained, and the photo cards I do for my parents take a bit of effort.

I also buy most presents from Amazon. Since most people have more than 1 item in their gift and its £2.95 (I think) to wrap each item, I never bother. I'd rather spend the money on the present.

Conversely, I've just bought my husband a (second-hand) convertible for his 50th birthday,which I'll be giving him later today. And I'll be attempting to gift-wrap that a bit!

PresentWrapper Wed 30-Jan-13 23:39:19

Oldnewmummy - Your DH is very lucky! As I said in my OP, MIL lives abroad and does the same, which is understandable.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Wed 30-Jan-13 23:57:03

Oh, hmm good point OP. I didn't think of the cards being sent to the buyers to be signed so I don't know what the percentage of cards that are sent direct is. I did assume that it was normal forMoonpig to send the cards direct to the recipient but I have no basis for it blush

Floggingmolly Thu 31-Jan-13 12:26:02

The fact remains, op, that despite knowing the parcel contained a present for your DH, why did you think it was your job to inspect it's contents before passing it over? We're you worried he couldn't cope with the trauma of possibly finding an unwrapped gift inside?

DeWe Thu 31-Jan-13 12:53:21

At least he bothered. One of dh's brothers very rarely sends a card. Hasn't given a present in over 10 years. After anouncing he had decided he wasn't giving his brothers presents for birthdays now-while accepting his birthday present.
We'd given presents for 3 years without him saying anything about why he wasn't giving, if we hadn't asked he'd probably have continued to accept presents with out saying anything.

PresentWrapper Thu 31-Jan-13 13:36:21

Floggingmolly - I didn't open the package to inspect the contents. What would be the point in that? I opened the package to wrap the contents because I know my DH would prefer to open a proper present than a jiffy bag with the receipt inside. He is a bit like a small child around his birthday and gets very excited about it. I simply wanted to make his 40th birthday morning as lovely as I could.

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