To ask if you would let a new boyfriend bathe your 7 year old daughter?

(145 Posts)
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Tue 22-Jan-13 14:47:45

A friend of mine did this and I am not suggesting anything untoward went on at all but I found it very odd.

This little girl has had to cope to witnessing DV and now has to cope with a new man in her life almost immediately that her father left. Now 'friend' has him bathing her and completely stripping away her dignity imo.

AIBU to give this 'friend' a piece of my mind?

CrapBag Wed 23-Jan-13 10:24:20

Oh no thats awful Teen. I remember my dads friend (who I had known for years) accidently walked in the bathroom once when I was in the bath, I was a little older than 7 but he was absolutely horrified and left asap. Thats how any normal man would react.

Your mother let you down. Does she know how you feel or about the therapy? Is she still with him? What about the baby they had together?

Branleuse Wed 23-Jan-13 10:16:28

It wasnt OK op. Im sorry youve been through this and had to blank things out.

Big hugs. You are not overreacting x

halfthesize Wed 23-Jan-13 10:14:36

OP this is so sad, I hope the therapy helps you. There really r some awful people out theresad

WhateverTrevor Wed 23-Jan-13 10:05:31

Wish people would read the thread before posting.
Glad you're getting help op

mrsjay Wed 23-Jan-13 09:58:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gimmecakeandcandy Wed 23-Jan-13 09:57:12

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Did other things happen? Do you still see your mother and him, do your children see them? I hope therapy helps you confront her. She let you down. Badly.

expatinscotland Wed 23-Jan-13 09:43:30

I'd report this, tbh.

lotsofdogshere Wed 23-Jan-13 09:42:09

I'd be very worried about this, it is totally inappropriate on so many levels.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Tue 22-Jan-13 23:16:25

sorry only read pg1. asked for post to be withdrawn.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Tue 22-Jan-13 23:08:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeepRedBetty Tue 22-Jan-13 22:37:11

Yes makemine she is.

Asamumnonsense Tue 22-Jan-13 22:33:19

Oh sorry Teen! I did not read all the posts. Sorry about the bad feeling resurfacing! I am also so overprotective of my 5 years old and that it because it also happens to me when i was a child.. Therapy is a good way of dealing with it, it really helps. keep these sessions.

makemineamalibuandpineapple Tue 22-Jan-13 22:32:55

Sorry I said that wrong blush Does the OP mean she is the little girl in her original post?

makemineamalibuandpineapple Tue 22-Jan-13 22:30:34

I just need to clarify, are the OP and Teen the same person??

rhondajean Tue 22-Jan-13 22:25:56

No definitely not, but I should also add I still help my 8 yo dd bath, I wash her back and neck and check behind her ears, she does arms legs body and bum, sometimes I go over her feet between toes erc and I still wash her hair. She likes this, if she started objecting I would stop, but she doesn't always get herself the cleanest (and she loves getting her back washed!). I'm not sure a 7 yo can properly clean themself on their own?

But a half - proper wash occasionally doesn't do any harm if you are washed regularly and I would never ask anyone apart from DH, her sister or her gran to help her wash.

ImperialBlether Tue 22-Jan-13 22:24:52

Read the thread!

makemineamalibuandpineapple Tue 22-Jan-13 22:18:50

No, definitely not. To me the fact that he is new is only part of the issue, the chances are he is a decent guy and nothing untoward would happen ever. However, at 7, she should be given personal boundaries and allowed privacy. I wouldn't go in with my own DS at that age. I am within shouting distance and will pop in if he's forgotten his towel but I won't stay in with him anymore. He's 9 now btw but it's been like this for at least 2 years.

Asamumnonsense Tue 22-Jan-13 22:12:01

New boyfriend? no its absolutely not ok! She surely at 7 can wash herself. It must be uncomfortable for the little girl.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 22-Jan-13 22:04:27

Why does a 7 year old need help washing herself, my 5 year old DD is perfectly capable, and i wouldnt want a strange man bathing my child.

andtheycalleditbunnylove Tue 22-Jan-13 21:32:53

it is absolutely wrong.

fallon8 Tue 22-Jan-13 21:22:18

You already know the answer yourself,you feel uneasy about this,,drop him like a hot cake

GaryBarlowsPants Tue 22-Jan-13 17:49:03

So sorry to all the posters on this thread who've been through similar - un MN-y hugs to you all ((((hugs))))

GaryBarlowsPants Tue 22-Jan-13 17:45:57

YANBU - Alarm bells are ringing. A good friend of mine was abused whilst being bathed by her mother's 'friend'.
If I were you I wouldn't be able to stay quiet about this - your friend is deluded if she thinks this is Ok. Please say something. Even if she is defensive, you may plant a seed of doubt in her mind.

Teen so sorry to hear what you went through.

insertsomethingwitty Tue 22-Jan-13 17:33:43

No definitely not. I have remarried and my husband never bathes my older two girls who are 5 and 6. He has been in their life for years but it's still not something he would feel comfortable with, he wouldn't be naked around them either. He is a very hands on father / step- father but no need at all for him to do those things.

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