To ask if you would let a new boyfriend bathe your 7 year old daughter?

(145 Posts)
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Tue 22-Jan-13 14:47:45

A friend of mine did this and I am not suggesting anything untoward went on at all but I found it very odd.

This little girl has had to cope to witnessing DV and now has to cope with a new man in her life almost immediately that her father left. Now 'friend' has him bathing her and completely stripping away her dignity imo.

AIBU to give this 'friend' a piece of my mind?

SirBoobAlot Tue 22-Jan-13 15:24:10

I think your 'friend' needs a reality check about suitable relationships, and boundaries.

TroublesomeEx Tue 22-Jan-13 15:24:35

women that take up with child abusing men (and there are plenty of each) often like to offer them the opportunity, partly as an "I trust you"

Sadly, I can vouch for that.

You could mention it to the local police. You won't have a right to know but if they look him up and find out there is something, they will be able to tell her mother and issue a safeguarding alert to SS who will come round and speak with her.

Obviously, someone will be along in a minute to tell us we're all scaremongering.

Even if this man doesn't pose a risk, a future boyfriend of her mother's might. As might another man in the future and she needs secure boundaries in place.

KellyElly Tue 22-Jan-13 15:24:59

Absolutely no fucking way. I would think it was strange that he was comfortable with it as well.

PickledInAPearTree Tue 22-Jan-13 15:25:53

No No No NO No.

And why would he want to?

Makes me shiver.

popcornpaws Tue 22-Jan-13 15:27:59

NO!!!!

MusicalEndorphins Tue 22-Jan-13 15:28:31

No, and if I were the 7 year old girl, I would not have co operated and run off.

KirstyoffEastendersweirdtoplip Tue 22-Jan-13 15:30:14

Totally inappropriate. Agree with Pickled - why would he want to?
Not sure a 'piece of your mind' would be the right approach, she might just get angry and shut you out.

sweetkitty Tue 22-Jan-13 15:33:18

Totally wrong

I have 8 and 7 yo DDs and I do not bathe them at all. Their Dad or I do wash their hair as its long and they would really struggle to do it themselves. They have a play in the bath, wash themselves then we pop in to do hair, they dry and dress themselves and we dry their hair.

Was actually thinking the other day now DD1 is approaching 9 that she maybe uncomfortable with her Dad seeing her naked.

Allaquandry Tue 22-Jan-13 15:34:30

This thread is totally weird.

Lets try another angle. 'New partner has moved in and we are expecting our first child together. I have to work evening shifts sometimes and don't always have time to wash DDs very long hair. She's 7 and I'm wondering if it would be ok to ask him to make sure she shampoos it properly. For all his faults (DV), ExH used to do it sometimes (and put her to bed too) and it feels like a natural thing for a SD to do, but don't know if it might be invading her privacy a bit. WWYD?'

I just don't see that kind of opening post attracting the same comments....

Portofino Tue 22-Jan-13 15:35:19

No - my dd is 8 and does not want ME touching her now - and dad is forbidden from the bathroom. I supervise hair rinsing and that is about it. I have given her a very clear message that it is HER body and she does not have to have anyone touching it if she doesn.t want to / feel uncomfortable.

cory Tue 22-Jan-13 15:37:33

Regardless of how innocent he may be, it's about the little girl's privacy and her boundaries.

ExpatAl Tue 22-Jan-13 15:37:34

Normally I am a bit cautious about scaremongering about abuse etc, but in this case I think it is right. What new boyfriend wants to sit in a bath with a 7 year old? This thread makes me more and more uncomfortable.

ExpatAl Tue 22-Jan-13 15:38:38

Helping to wash hair is one thing. Getting into the bath with her is something entirely different.

TroublesomeEx Tue 22-Jan-13 15:41:55

OP has clarified that as far as she knows he didn't get into the bath with her.

But I wouldn't be comfortable leaving someone else to bathe my children in the house alone.

KellyElly Tue 22-Jan-13 15:42:42

Allaquandry or we could try this from a grandmother's perspective "My daughter has moved in boyfriend she has only been seeing for 6 months and is now letting him bathe my 7 year old granddaughter. I feel this is very inappropriate and that he shouldn't be left unsupervised in this situation. AIBU"

TroublesomeEx Tue 22-Jan-13 15:43:47

My daughter is 6 and I wash her hair because it's very long but she washes herself.

atthewelles Tue 22-Jan-13 15:45:33

It sounds totally inappropriate and very irresponsible of the mother to do this. Also, most guys I know would feel very uncomfortable being put in this situation. I would worry that the boyfriend, as well as the mother, saw nothing wrong with this.

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit Tue 22-Jan-13 15:49:07

Allaquandry to the mum I'd still say no, leave her alone. Better that she be a bit grubby til she gets the hang of it than naked for your boyfriend.

And women with children have to be extra careful when looking at partners because they are a group targeted by would be abusers. I remember my friend telling me about the summer she spent lying in a coal bin, hiding from her mum's boyfriend all day while her mum was out at work. This kind of shit is too commonplace to muck around with. He may be fine and lovely but it's not worth the chance.

BinarySolo Tue 22-Jan-13 15:49:46

I didn't think he did get in the bath with her. Op didn't say that did she or I have I missed something?

I agree with Allaquandry. It very much depends I'd what the full picture was. Bf is 24 so I'm guessing not used to kids so might have thought she needed more help than she actually did. He may have just popped in, rinsed her hair then left. How did the girl feel about it? The mother is probably thinking that they are a family now as they live together and are expecting a new baby.

Did the bf ask to bath her, or did the mother ask him to do it? Saying "can you bath dd", would be different to "make sure dd has a bath".

CailinDana Tue 22-Jan-13 15:51:01

Allaquandry - they have only been going out for 6 months. I know the pregnancy makes things a bit more serious, but I would be surprised if the new partner (man or woman) had even met the children, never mind be bathing them, after such a short time.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Tue 22-Jan-13 15:55:46

No!
"Make sure she has a bath" yes

Surely he'd feel a bit awkward as well?!

ENormaSnob Tue 22-Jan-13 15:57:04

Absolutely inappropriate.

Tbh I would have huge concerns over any man that was ok with this.

omri Tue 22-Jan-13 15:57:19

no - awful - i am sure my 7 year old self would have felt enormously uncomfortable in that situation

TheSecondComing Tue 22-Jan-13 15:58:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeelingGuilty2013 Tue 22-Jan-13 15:59:13

Agree with ENorma absolutely not and any man that thinks this is appropriate would also hugely concern me!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now