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to be absolutely staggered by my friend's total utter selfishness and re-considering our friendship?!

(281 Posts)
EmmyMaz Thu 17-Jan-13 08:57:53

Friend X's brother has a terminal illness and has not got long to live. Friend X is doing lots of fundraising / campaigning to raise awareness of this illness. I said I would support Friend X with his efforts.

I therefore (very politely) asked a few of my closest friends (including friend Y) if they would be willing to do a couple of very very small things to assist with the awareness-raising campaign. What I asked them to do is something that will literally take 5 or 10 minutes of their time and will not cost them anything financially. I have not asked for their money, just 5 or 10 minutes of their time.

Friend Y responded to me in an email saying "I do not have time for this". When I read her response I was absolutely stunned, I cannot believe she could be so selfish not to spare ten minutes of her time to help a really really important cause and also to help me, her friend.

Also, it is worth adding that Friend Y is not a very busy person, she only works part time and has lots of support with her DD from her Mum who looks after her, so I know for a fact she does have the time! She is always getting her nails done and getting her fake tan done so she is hardly too busy to spare 5 minutes for a really important cause.

I won't bore you with the details, but over the last few years I have spent hours upon hours of my time helping Friend Y with various things. I cannot believe her selfishness and quite frankly do not feel like speaking to her at the moment.

She is normally quite a sweet and kind person (although can be a bit self-absorbed in some ways) and has been there for me though some difficult times, so I am totally shocked by this.

AIBU to be really angered by this and actually to be re-considering our friendship?

ActuLly yanbu about the way she responded

NoTeaForMe Thu 17-Jan-13 09:45:15

Why is releasing a balloon helpful? Why is it a big deal that she doesn't want to do it? I think whatever reason she had given you for not doing it you would think she was rude and selfish-so she can't win!

BillyBollyBrandy Thu 17-Jan-13 09:45:23

I asked for donations to charity when I got married. I was astonished by the amount of people who didn't donate and it really changed my opinion of some of them.

I think when you have given someone a lot of support and when you need some, however small, they aren't there for you it does alter the dynamicsof the relationship.

So YANBU

X post. I would also say no to doing that. Its littering, and tbh can be harmful (even if it is biodegradable animals can still choke on it). Maybe she is too polite to tell you its a well meaning but bad idea.

TBH I wouldn't release a balloon either. Even if they are bio-degradable, they can still cause issues with animals trying to eat them.

I understand you feel hurt but you can't take it personally if she doesn't want to do this.

LadyMargolotta Thu 17-Jan-13 09:47:15

BillyBollyBrandy - but what makes you assume that just becaseu they didn't want to support your particular charity of choice, that they don't support another charity?

Giving/helping to charity is a very personal thing, people make their own decisions, and guess what, they might not shout about it.

HoneyDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 09:47:31

Are you sure everything's ok with her?
Perhaps you should respond, oh sorry to hear that. How are things with you? Everything ok?

She might have problems of her own at the moment but feel its crass to mention them in response to your request.

x posted with others!

valiumredhead Thu 17-Jan-13 09:48:09

Why is releasing a balloon helpful? confused

I wouldn't do it either.

LadyMargolotta Thu 17-Jan-13 09:49:55

Does this balloon release happen on a certain day?

TroublesomeEx Thu 17-Jan-13 09:50:24

I wouldn't agree to release a balloon. What's that going to achieve exactly? Other than to become litter until it bio-degrades.

I wouldn't consider someone selfish if they said they didn't have the time or the inclination to do this. She probably said she didn't have time because she didn't want to hurt your feelings by giving you the real reason but felt it was such a ridiculous idea that it didn't warrant a more thoughtful excuse.

If only someone had told me that releasing a message attached to a balloon was effective, I could have cured my dad's cancer. Who knew!

I wouldn't do it either TBH. Balloon string and balloons can be a danger to animals just like Chinese lanterns.

There's so many people asking for help for charity and a single person can't help them all.

Just because she has support with her DD it doesn't mean she's in a great place emotionally.

slipshodsibyl Thu 17-Jan-13 09:52:12

No balloons. Bad for the environment and animals who eat them or get tangled. Silly request. Give people a sensible option as well and they might help.

LadyMargolotta Thu 17-Jan-13 09:52:22

I assume that information about the illness is put on the message on the balloon. These things are usually done in big groups, with the local newspaper present, to maximise publicity about the cause.

I am wondering if that is why she couldn't come, because it's a certain day.

Hullygully Thu 17-Jan-13 09:52:54

how very very odd

I too would be taken aback if someone said I'm too busy to let go of a piece of string...

Altho releasing balloons (bio or not) is a terrible idea

Hullygully Thu 17-Jan-13 09:53:40

Why is everyone so keen to defend the odd friend??

libelulle Thu 17-Jan-13 09:54:01

I get asked all the time by friends to make donations to all sorts of extremely worthy charitable causes. I try to say yes to as much as I can especially if they are doing something particularly arduous in return (running a marathon for something for instance), but sometimes life gets in the way.

But that is monetary donations! If someone asked me to release a balloon for a friend of a friend's brother, I would think 'what the fuck'? It sounds like something you'd do for someone you were directly linked to in some way - otherwise it's just mawkish, sorry. The only practical consequence seems to be killing some wildlife and littering the countryside until it eventually biodegrades.

You sound horrifically judgemental of your supposed friend. If someone was so frankly nasty about me for not responding to a request like that, I'd think myself better off without them - sorry.

You are mixing two things.

You want her to release a piece of plastic into the air with a message to a stranger, to raise awareness of some condition? And she should do this nonsense because you have helped in the past?

Who is going to read the message? The birds that get entwined in the piece of balloon remains entangled in a tree?

How long does it take for a "biodegradable balloon" to decompose fully? Any evidence that wayward balloons cause any harm in the environment?

libelulle Thu 17-Jan-13 09:55:11

And I'm not particularly busy either, but due to various awful things going on in my life right now I still don't have the mental space to respond to a lot of stuff, most of it way more important than this.

Probably because the OP was so nasty about her hully over such a small thing.

TurkeyDino Thu 17-Jan-13 09:57:24

If it's a big release surely it will be more than 10 minutes by the time she has travelled there and back and waited around for photos and what not.

I wouldn't do it either for a friend of a friends brother. I'd probably feel a bit of a fraud being there when i didn't know the guy. You say it's an important cause, you mean it's important to you.

Hullygully Thu 17-Jan-13 09:57:35

Where? I didn't see nastiness, will rtft again

everlong Thu 17-Jan-13 09:57:38

I think what you've asked of her is a bit odd.

Releasing a balloon for someone is fairly personal.

Maybe she feels uneasy?

Blimey! Some of the responses on here are really arsey.

No i don't think yabu. It would take her max 3 mins to do.
I'd not be too cheery either. Much like when i did Race For Life and someone told me they were not going to sponsor me because they had far too many people to sponsor all year. Made me look at her in an entirely diffrent way as she knew i'd just lost my MIL but there you go!

Hullygully Thu 17-Jan-13 09:58:37

Nope, no nastiness, just justifiable surprise and upset.

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