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To ask your opinion? Re Children and seating.

(297 Posts)
MeganScarlett Sat 12-Jan-13 20:29:28

My mum lives by herself in a smallish flat, and for her birthday always has the family over for tea and cake. My mum has four children and each of them has between 2-3 children and now some of them have their own children. So although we're not a large family it can get quite crowded when everyone is there.

The tea and cakes is always served in the dining room which is where all the adults sit and the younger children usually play in the living room. The youngest are between 4-9.

My niece and nephew were sat at the dining room table, they are both aged 17 and 15 and were the first to arrive with my sister. When others started arriving it was made clear by some that they should give up their seats for the adults and be made to sit in the living room with the younger children. I'm in my early 20s and made to feel sometimes that I am not adult enough to be sat with the older adults.

Should they have given up their seats for the older adults?

I'm really of the opinion that they shouldn't have, but others in the family would clearly disagree.

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:46:36

but you expect others to do that for you?

TidyDancer Sat 12-Jan-13 22:47:44

Holly why do you refuse? I don't get it.

It worries me when women won't do things for themselves. It seems so sad and silly.

That's exactly it, GetOrf. This whole attitude where children should respect elders when the elders afford the children the complete opposite of this doesn't sit right with me.

TheSecondComing Sat 12-Jan-13 22:49:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:49:06

Agree tidy completely

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:49:47

But that's not the case here TSC there are enough chairs.

It's who sits where, not who sits on what.

Viviennemary Sat 12-Jan-13 22:51:24

I would expect a fifteen year old to give their seat to me or at least offer. It's called being polite. But still I know lots of people don't think that younger people should give up their seats but I think they should. Of course if a person has a problem with standing then that is entirely different. I always think these threads set out to get people tied up into knots.

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:52:55

but why vivienne? why is polite for them to offer to you but you aren't expected to offer to them?

lougle Sat 12-Jan-13 22:53:18

Seats are in short supply, actually.

There are not enough seats for everyone to be seated in the same room. Therefore, the situation applies that someone is going to have to allow someone else the opportunity to sit on a seat in the main room, while they go to the other room. That person should be the younger member of the family.

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:54:38

Why vivienne why should they give you their seat just because you want them to and because they're younger?

If you had a younger cousin at a family gathering, lets say he's 32 and you're 36 and he's seated and you're not - should he too give up his seat?

TidyDancer Sat 12-Jan-13 22:55:02

Viviennemary, what if the 15 year old asked you to give up your seat for them? If you refuse, where is the respect there?

I'm yet to see anyone come up with a reasonable explanation as to why a person's age alone affords them privilige and respect over someone whose only sin was to be born at a later date. I just don't get it.

TheSecondComing Sat 12-Jan-13 22:55:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:55:50

"That person should be the younger member of the family. "

can you explain why? perhaps without using the words manners or respect?

TidyDancer Sat 12-Jan-13 22:55:57

Can you say why the younger person should give up their seat lougle? I would be interested to hear if anyone can come up with a reason because there hasn't been one so far.

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:56:16

No they are not in short supply. There just isn't enough in one room. That is not the same thing at all.

Using the logic of half you lot here, you end up with a bunch of people always together in one room, and the same bunch always together in another. Not much a of a family gathering.

How does a younger person get to move up to the next room? Wait for someone to die?

Viviennemary Sat 12-Jan-13 22:56:56

No I wouldn't expect somebody two years younger than me to give me their seat. Most 15 year olds thank goodness would offer a seat to a person a lot older than them. Why don't we eat with our fingers and drink from saucers. Why. Because it's not considered polite. The same as this seating arrangements.

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:57:36

Why are you more entitled to the good front room TSC than a 'bunch of kids'

Do you also think kids should be given cheaper food instead of the good stuff and generally be seen but not heard?

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:58:08

" So a gang of kids can hang out on their dses/blackberries in the good front room. "

but the children should just accept having to sit in another room so a gang of adults can have the good front room?

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:59:08

Giving up a seat because you want to and having to because you're expected to, are not the same thing.

My children are too young to offer their seats and I would like to think when they are old enough that if somebody needed it, they would happily give it up.

Where does your politeness come into this? Not very polite expecting somebody to move because you're older than them is it

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:59:27

can you explain why it isn't polite vivienne?

TidyDancer Sat 12-Jan-13 22:59:28

I don't think your fingers or saucers would be offended if you eat or drink using them though, Viviennemary. You don't need to afford them respect. They are inanimate objects. Your analogy doesn't quite work.

whiteconverse Sat 12-Jan-13 22:59:40

But why lougle ?

What if the youngest person in the room was 30 and the rest were mid 30s to 40s.

Should the person who is 30 be made to sit with the children?

Vivienne you expect someone to give up their seat for you because they are 15? At what age would you not expect someone to give up a seat. (Providing there is no disabilities or pregnancies involved)

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 23:00:12

Plenty of people do eat with their fingers BTW. Not sure what this has got to do with anything or being polite.

Andro Sat 12-Jan-13 23:01:52

Holly, you're not the only one who doesn't go to the bar in mixed company. I don't refuse though, DH would be horrified if I attempted it - he would take it as an affront to HIS manners. For the same reason, I would not use my credit/debit card to pay a restaurant bill.

I'm a strong, independent woman, but sometimes it is really nice to feel like a lady.

OP, I'm torn here...I would personally offer my seat in the situation you describe but would not necessarily accept a similar offer. Banishing a 17yo to teh kids room on the other had is pretty unreasonable.

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 23:04:27

"I'm a strong, independent woman, but sometimes it is really nice to feel like a lady."

this baffles me.

what is unladylike about paying for your own food or ordering your own drinks?

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 23:04:45

<laughing heartily at Andro post>

An affront to HIS manners if you go to the bar? Or if you use a cc to pay a bill?

Oh my lord.

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