Mumsnet Talk

My OH has 6 monthly check ups at a specialist hospital for a long term serious health problem. This hospital is 2hrs drive away. He wont go alone, ive always gone with him, or his mum if i cant get out of work.

We now have a 7 month old. DH think me and baby should go with him next week. Its 2hr drive there, up to 2 hr wait in busy clinic then 2 hr drive home. Im refusing to go, i dont want baby in car seat that long, and think a clinic is not the place for a baby, particularly in noro virus season. He thinks im being really selfish. Its his mums birthday so doesnt think its fair to ask her. He wont go on his own. He gave me the old "well if somethings wrong it'll be your fault"

AIBU?

Can't really answer as dont know the in and outs but if its a serious health issue I would go whatever work had to say about it, children come before work.

And you would feel so guilty if there was anything wrong and you didn't go!

YABU about the drive and the wait as baby will be fine, totally agree if it's a general clinic that you don't need to expose baby to the various bugs around if you can avoid it, though tbh unless you avoid supermarkets etc you run that risk anyway.

He however lost my sympathy at "it'll be your fault".

It won't .

Is he just panicky about it and lashing out?

Ok just read properly thought you meant child had a check up.. No let him go on his own! Sure he will be fine! He's a grown up!

Firstly is there not someone who can babysit for you?
Secondly how would you feel if it was reversed and he was 'making' you go alone and unsupported?
Thirdly it sounds like he's a bit nervous / scared of being told something may be wrong and he wants your support, so I think you should go regardless of the answers to one and two.

Could his mum watch the baby while you to with him?

why cant his mum look after the dc ... be a nice birthday present for her and make a day of it

No YANBU, hes being ridiculous, of course he should go on his own and take responsibility for dealing with his condition. I definatly wouldnt go with him and I would be cross if he therefore didnt go for his check up. But ultimatly its his illness, not yours, he needs to deal with it. (and I am talking as someone with a serious health condition which I deal with myself!)

Could you ask MIL to babysit whilst you go with him?

Ok, lots of x-posts!

Does he need assistance? Or is there a risk of him receiving bad news and therefore needing moral support? Is the answers are no, then I think yanbu.

Actually if he's worried about bad news then I think you should go with

Solution seems to be to get a babysitter for your LO

His comment about if there's something wrong it will be your fault is really daft - maybe he's really anxious?

I'd go tbh, baby will be fine , clearly its serious medical issue and he's worried. . Don't see why you're not going tbh

Depends on his 'long term serious health problem' really.

Clearly he wants support - and I think you are being a bit precious about taking a baby out. Relationships are about supporting each other through good times and the bad.

I wouldn't take baby to a hospital unless absolutely necessary. Think noro virus is rife at the moment. At some point baby is going to want to play, you'll have to go armed with stuff to entertain. I can't see the need

Seriously, he won't go alone to his routine appointments? As an adult that's ridiculous. I can see how it is nicer to have someone with you but to actually not show up if no one else comes is poor. His responsibility, his fault if something happens. And I am another person with a long term condition which I manage myself. I go to all appointments alone and in thissituation would be telling my other half and baby to stay home.

Why would ANYONE want to haul a baby on an outing like this?

Your H needs to man the ff up! And why would you want to go to a hospital in Noro season?

I was in children's A&E a week ago, terrified that the vomity child behind me would be contagious. It was the longest 3hrs of my life. ds with a head injury, and me worried that we'd be seriously ill as a result.

Thankfully it was all ok, and DS is recovering, but this is not a family day out.

The ONLY option your H has is that IF there is somewhere you and baby can go while he is at the hospital then you drop him there, go off and pick him up when he's done. Otherwise he can go on his own, it's not fair on either of you otherwise.

Did your H go to all YOUR doctors appointments?

Sounds like my mum's H, incapable of doing anything without dragging her into it. More fool her tbh.

He obviously wants/needs your support so I do think those saying "He's a grown up" and "He needs to deal with it" are being very harsh.

If it's a serious health problem that requires six monthly check-ups I would imagine there is a real chance of him being given some bad news. If the worst were to happen, imagine how you would feel being on your own so far from home and having to drive the two hour journey home.

Ask MIL to have your baby or all of you should go IMO.

It's a routine appointment. No suggestion from the OP that bad news is imminent. I think he is the one being precious and I don't like his attempts to guilt trip her. The 'it would be your fault' statement is not acceptable.

Could you get a babysitter so you can go?
I have to go to hospital for various reasons and hate going on my own so my OH normally comes.
I really think you should try and go (if you can get a sitter for dc).

Oh and I agree with everyone who says he was out of line trying to guilt trip you into going.

YABU and I bet if it was the other way around people would be outraged that he wouldnt go with you.

You are a team and he is asking for your support. I don't understand why you don't feel this is important.

I absolutely 100% would go with him! YABVU!

I'd go with him, it's twice a year.

YANBU, your DH is.

I have 6 monthly appts for a long term health problem, I've never taken my DH to them although sometimes I do have to take my kids. He needs to grow a pair and go by himself.