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To leave dd2 in the car outside tesco whilst i run in to buy 2 things?

(137 Posts)
Marne Thu 03-Jan-13 20:29:00

Dd2 is almost 7 and has ASD, she had been asking for a magazine all morning, its her favorite magazine and she knows what day it comes out (which was today), usually i go and buy it when she's at school or i go whilst she's at home with dh as she's not keen on supermarkets (bright lights and too busy) but dh had gone out and told me just to take her to get it.

I took both the dd's with me, dd1 is almost 8, got to Tesco's and dd2 refused to get out of the car so i parked in the p&c space right outside the front door, locked them in the car, ran in, grabbed a loaf of bread and the magazine, payed and came straight out. Dd's were fine.

Dh thinks i was wrong to leave them on their own in the car, maybe i was? but if i had tried to take dd2 out of the car she would have had a meltdown and if i turned around and went back home she would scream for the rest of the day (as she wouldn't have got her magazine).

So is dh BU or AIBU?

YANBU you made an informed decision at the time.

I've never taken the kids into the shop to pay at a petrol station either

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 03-Jan-13 22:22:02

YANBU

You did a risk assessment and chose the best available option - for your family at that point in time.

Your DH created this situation - he had NO right to lambast you about the decision you made, none at all.

Anyone saying it's 'risky' fgs, there are things you do every day that are a far greater risk, but you still do them - most obviously in this case driving the children around in the car. The number of children that die per year in road accidents outstrips the number of children that die due to being left in a car for 5 minutes hmm

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 03-Jan-13 22:22:55

yanbu

sharond101 Thu 03-Jan-13 22:23:48

I would not leave a child in the car as when I was 10 I was left in the car with my sister and I decided I wanted something from the front seat. I kneeled on the handbrake and the car rolled backwards into another car. Luckily noone was hurt.

kim147 Thu 03-Jan-13 22:24:10

I love these threads - always a real "marmite" thread.

r3dh3d Thu 03-Jan-13 22:24:14

YANBU.

I do this sometimes with DD1 (8, SLD) and DD2 (7, sharp as mustard) if DD1 has fallen asleep and I'm only going to leave them for 5 or 10 mins. The way our door locks work, you can set it to lock other people out but not lock the kids in. DD1 can't work the door locks but DD2 can, so DD2 is under instructions to come get me if needed (if I'm somewhere like the pharmacy where she can find me) or go to Customer Services in the supermarket.

If DD1 falls asleep in the car, she will have a seizure when I wake her up by getting her out. And that involves a risk to her life which is real and quantifiable, as opposed to the various bogeyman scenarios of leaving her in the car - which are by comparison so unlikely and frankly, downright stupid, that they don't deserve consideration.

MumVsKids Thu 03-Jan-13 22:25:16

Would you leave your phone in the car?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 03-Jan-13 22:26:18

For the love of all things stripey. Yes - the car could have been hit while the girls were in it. It is far far far more likely to be hit when they are driving along - perhaphs we just shouldn't put kids in cars at all hmm

Deux Thu 03-Jan-13 22:27:20

I think it's fine. Where is all this danger with cars suddenly bursting into flames.

Supermarket more dangerous, surely? You know the recent trolley rage death in M and S?

There is danger and risk everywhere. Greatest danger is in the home.

This thread is a bit hysterical.

shallweshop Thu 03-Jan-13 22:29:39

I leave my two in the car if I am just nipping in to shop for something. Yes, the car could instantaneously combust or a random kidnapper could strike ... but highly unlikely. As everything in life, you have to weigh up the risks and benefits.

crookedcrock Thu 03-Jan-13 22:33:08

Yanbu, it was just 5mins as others have said you assessed the risks and made the decision you felt best. I left my 4 in the car recently to run into the corner shop, 2.5 yr old asleep, two 10yr olds and middle child, I decided it was safer to run in and get the essential item than to try and manage all 4 (with fractious half asleep toddler). When I arrived out a woman challenged me, I was gone about 3 mins in a sleepy residential area. What annoyed me was that she assumed I hadn't made my decision based on what I felt was the safer option. It is not always safest to unload a carful of children in order to run in for a pint of milk.

doingtwelvethingsatonce Thu 03-Jan-13 22:42:29

I think the main thing for me would be a concern that I was placing the 8yo in a heavily responsible position, if the 7yo decided to push her way out of the car and something happened.

The only reason I say this is because I have a 6yo DS with ASD that sometimes refuses on minute and then is frantic to go in the store the next. He would quite persistently push his way through anyone to get to the door he could open if he felt the urge to get into the store. And then he would run with no regard for safety at all.

I wouldn't feel comfortable putting a child only slightly older in the position of having to physically restrain him or (if he did actually get out) have her feeling responsible if something happened to him.

greeneyed Thu 03-Jan-13 23:01:32

In life we have to accept a certain degree of risk just to get on with the everyday business of living. YANBU

FrankWippery Thu 03-Jan-13 23:05:58

Oh for goodness sake why the hysterics on here. Fucking hell, there's way more chance of bring hit by a car when walking down the street. Ridiculous.

SparklingSnow Thu 03-Jan-13 23:38:58

I wouldn't call it hysterics. Other mums, including myself, who have children with ASD have said no they wouldn't do it for that reason. How is that being hysterical?

SparklingSnow Thu 03-Jan-13 23:39:42

I wouldn't do it even if my DD wasn't autistic but each to their own.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 03-Jan-13 23:44:37

I leave my two when I nip into the dry cleaners, they are 4.5 and 21 months and I've been leaving them over a year. I can always see the car, although I can't see them in it unless I get a space very close.

A couple of months ago I did leave them parked outside the supermarket - in a P&C space right near the door while I went in and got 2 things. They were asleep, and I really didn't want to wake them. I wouldn't do it if I was getting more than a couple of things from near to the door and checkout though, I would worry too much.

TheBOF Thu 03-Jan-13 23:46:08

YANBU. You made a judgement call, and it sounds reasonable.

ScarlettOoHara Thu 03-Jan-13 23:55:36

I would never leave my children in the car unattended. I always ask myself would I nip into a shop and leave my purse on the front seat so why your child?"

Also I always remember seeing on Oprah years ago about a granny that left two kids in a car on a boiling hot day just for a minute while she got a drink from a shop and while she was in the shop she collapsed and had to be taken to hosp. She didn't have a sign on her forehead saying "I've left two kiddies in the car" so noone knew and the kids died from the heat.

oldpeculiar Thu 03-Jan-13 23:59:40

An NT kid, who is happy with the arrangement- fine,
I would be cautious about a child with ASD, but I guess you knoiw your DC best

FrankWippery Fri 04-Jan-13 08:36:47

I do think there's a degree of hysteria on here. All the what ifs. What if the car blows up, what if the car gets hit by an put of control driver, what if they're kidnapped, what if this and what if that. All of these things can happen when you're walking down the street. Really? Better off staying inside until we have safety bubbles surrounding each and every one of us.

Where does one draw the line? They can fall off a swing and break a finger or their skull but the swings are still the most popular thing at the park.

You could have a blow out on the motorway at 70 and flip your car - do you not drive just in case.

If a child has SN and the parent knows that the child will be ok, then I really struggle to see what the issue is.

Our children ARE precious, but wrapping them in cotton wool does more harm than good.

RedHelenB Fri 04-Jan-13 08:49:29

Since the trip to the shop was for HER magazine maybe she should have gone with you to get it? If meltdowns are extreme what was to prevent her from touching the handbrake for eg?

Though personally i would have given dd1 the money to get it if it really had to be bought & you couldn't control the meltdown.

I can see your husbands POV tbh.

seeker Fri 04-Jan-13 08:51:56

So long as you put on their tinfoil hats to protect them from alien abduction they'll be fine.

Hmm...am I the only one who thought "she wanted the magazine but then refused to come ibto the shop" - I would have said "if you dont come in with me, then you dont get the magazine"

FrankWippery Fri 04-Jan-13 08:55:55

Oh balls. I forgot about the aliens.

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