To NOT go storming around to 13 year old dd's friend's mum's house

(123 Posts)
Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:01:06

... bang on the door, and shout 'Why on earth did you give my dd diet pills? Are you insane woman?' Because a) she's MUCH bigger than me and b) she is insane?

background: dd has been friends with girl since they were 3. They were at nursery together. Have never communicated that well with mum or felt I know her well - her Mum's English isn't great (she's French Algerian), and her life is quite chaotic - six kids, one of whom is brain damaged from a fall from a window a few years ago. Mum has physical and mental health problems.

DD came home from their house last week with 12 diet tablets in a blister pack. God knows what they contain - googled them and found very little information. I think they're the ones which absorb fat from food. But could be more than that. Whatever, they've gone in the bin, and we had to endure an evening of screaming and shouting from dd, who is slightly overweight (allergic to exercise and fond of eating crap), who had been persuaded by the friend's mum that these tablets could be the answer to her problems.

I mean really - it's bonkers isn't it? But I'm afraid of this girl's mum as she's a bit unstable and VERY outspoken. I was once witness to her screaming at another mother in the street over something to do with comments which had passed between their daughters. So I won't be saying anything to her. Just binning the tablets and telling dd she's NEVER to take anything without our say so, and that diet pills don't work.

shock

I'd be scared too. Does DD not recognise that she is weird? Presumably she knew enough to tell you about / let you find the dodgy pills?

Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:05:38

DD knows the mum is bonkers.

But she's desperate to lose weight. <not desperate enough to do any exercise mind>

nancy75 Fri 28-Dec-12 19:06:09

The mum is unstable and you are scared of her but you let your child go round her house?

I can see why you are reluctant to confront her!

Could you and DDI not exercise together in.other ways, swimming, zumba wii fit or dance DVD's?

DDI!? Ignore me.

Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:08:28

Yes.

DD has been friends with girl since nursery. Mum has bipolar disorder. But she's always been nice to dd, and as far as I'm aware there is no social services involvement with the family.

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants Fri 28-Dec-12 19:08:33

I would have a big talk about not accepting 'stuff' from people, even if they are known to her. I would take her and the pills to your GP or pharmacist and get them to impress on her how dangerous this woman's behaviour was. And give her as much praise and confidence as you can if she yold you about them rather than taking them behind your back.

Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:09:42

DD would rather chuck herself off a cliff than do an exercise class. Especially with me.

Overberries Fri 28-Dec-12 19:09:46

Yep, YANBU the woman is clearly a lunatic. I'd be like you, really wanting to say something as what she has done is dangerous, as well as reinforcing an unhealthy mindset for your dd. However, from your description of her past antics, probably wouldn't make a positive difference in the long term!

I do hope your dd finds a better way to be happy with herself x

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants Fri 28-Dec-12 19:09:58

I'd also get them to spend their time at your house rather than the friend's as much as possible.

Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:10:39

I only found out about the tablets because I saw them in dd's hand. She didn't come and tell me about them. She was FURIOUS with me when I told her she couldn't take them.

LynetteScavo Fri 28-Dec-12 19:11:18

Point out to your DD that if the pills worked so well the mum would be skinny.

(I'm betting she's not, as I've never met a skinny Algerian with 6 DC).

I think you should go around to the "insane" mum and point out that it wasn't a good idea for her to give these to your DD. Like any normal to normal person would.

It's good to pretend we're normal, I find.

ZZZenAgain Fri 28-Dec-12 19:12:31

can't you tell the woman that you showed the diet pills to your GP who advised your dd not to take them? Then thank her for her concern and say you know she meant to be kind but ask her not to let dd have any more of them. You can express it in very simple English or go round and speak to her to her face so she can see you smile. Don't think she'll have a fit about it.

Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:13:01

Lynette - I'm scared of the mum. She's an educated woman. Surely she KNOWS you shouldn't give diet pills to a 13 year old?

mrsjay Fri 28-Dec-12 19:13:03

id let the girls round your house and not hers if she is thinking it is ok to get somebody elses child diet pills what else is she letting them do or take , keep your dd safe in he own house,

cees Fri 28-Dec-12 19:13:56

I wouldn't let my dd over there again, the friend could come to yours and cut out contact with the pill pushing mum.

Mind you I would eat the fucking head off her if she gave my child tablets like that, does it matter if she screams at you in the street as long as she gets the message that she is not to give your child pills?

Your dd needs help but not from her from you, maybe you could help her get more active and cut out the crap food before she finds a way to get more pills.

Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:13:57

Oh and Lynette, you are right. She's built like a Sherman tank.

mrsjay Fri 28-Dec-12 19:14:03

wh y are you scared of the mum you are showing your dd that it is ok to be scared of people go round take your dd round and say she must never give YOUR child any drugs again or you will go to the police,

judefawley Fri 28-Dec-12 19:14:23

As the mum is possibly volatile, I'd not go to her house.

But nor would my dd, ever again.

Cheesemonkey Fri 28-Dec-12 19:14:54

Like pp I would make an appointment with your GP. Speak to GP / receptionist beforehand and then let your daughter and GP talk alone. Then be as supportive as you can of DD and tell her you will support her in any healthy weight loss attempts.

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants Fri 28-Dec-12 19:15:14

Just go with the GP/pharmacist then. She may listen to another adult more readily than she'll listen to you. I would take the tack that she is very important and precious to you. This woman could have put her in danger re allergies etc. Also explain that a lot of these 'diet' pills contain stuff that makes you shit yourself uncontrollably if you eat any fat at all with them. You would be so unset for her if this happened to her in a public place and she'd never be able to live it down if seen by friends etc etc.

Illegal diet pills often contain amphetamines etc which can send you psychotic (lay it on thick) give you heart palpitations etc etc.

Let her see you love her and you're on her side.

mrsjay Fri 28-Dec-12 19:15:39

OP can you phone her instead, these pills are more than likley give your dd the runs as she isnt eating correctly and if she took them she would be really ill,

Hmm. Tricky.

I was overweight as a teenager and tried several vastly unhealthy ways of losing weight.

But if my mother had offered explicit help I would have been mortified and more depressed. It is a very sensitive area.

Healthy eating and exercise for its own sake - healthy heart/liver/brain, not measured by bathroom scales or tape measure but by how you feel in yourself - is something the whole family can get into as a new year's resolution. "Ugh, I feel so lazy and bloated after all that rich Christmas food, how about you, DH? Let's improve our health for 2013" sort of thing. Would that work?

Diet pills are obviously hocum otherwise the NHS would obviously use them. That's the line I'd want to take. The only ones that even sort of work short term are amphetamines that make you energetic and not hungry ... and fucking loopy.

Shagmundfreud Fri 28-Dec-12 19:17:33

"maybe you could help her get more active and cut out the crap food before she finds a way to get more pills."

Short of locking the fridge and depriving dd of any pocket money, there is no way to stop her eating between meals. Nowt wrong with my cooking - it's all from scratch. I'm sensible with portion sizes as well. DD has only put on weight since she's had more autonomy. When I had control over what she spent her pocket money on, and where she went, she was slim. Sadly teenagers are fairly resistant to adults trying to control their eating.

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