To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

(814 Posts)
Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:07:10

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

Gwenhwyfar Mon 28-Mar-16 21:01:22

"f anything, people offer me lifts when I would really rather walk."

I get that as well. Usually during the day when the weather's nice. It's at night when it's raining that I might actually want a lift. If I don't want to accept the lift I usually say I won't be going directly from home anyway so will meet them there.

EmmaWoodlouse Mon 28-Mar-16 19:04:43

I can drive but don't.

I have never once been made to feel that I'm a nuisance, or accused of always scrounging lifts. If anything, people offer me lifts when I would really rather walk. I'm never quite sure what is the best way to react to that - sometimes I insist on walking and sometimes I accept the lift if it feels like it would hurt the person's feelings not to - but only if they're genuinely going in the same direction as me anyway.

NameChanger22 Sat 26-Mar-16 18:52:46

I live 3 minutes away from 3 corner shops, 5 minutes walk to an Aldis - yeah. 15 minutes to a big Tescos and 20 minutes to a big Asda.

There can't be many people in the UK who don't live walking distance to a shop, they should probably have a car. Nearly everyone else doesn't need a car.

maggiethemagpie Sat 26-Mar-16 17:58:22

NRTWT.I drive but have to pass a medical test every 3 years to retain a licence. My worst fear is losing my license. Especially if every time I had to ask for a lift, or was offered one, I felt like a 'burden'. YABVU.

anotherusernameugh Sat 26-Mar-16 15:05:41

gwenhywfar yes I would - I used to live 25 mins walk from the nearest station and 30 from the supermarket. We lived on a private estate, off the main road, down a hill. And no red buses in my area. Only Arriva ones that come once every hour. It wasn't easy to just "pop out for milk" like it is now for me.

elementofsurprise Sat 26-Mar-16 14:08:45

It seems so awful that people are living in areas without even a small shop. Especially in suburban areas wheres there's plenty of other people. I live approx. 3 mins walk from a supermarket (though a fairly small one) and 5 convenience stores in various directions. And a greengrocers'. I've just realised how unusual that is! I suppose the housing is fairly high density which means more demand for shops, but judging by the number of cars there must be loads of non-drivers. People walk to school etc.
It's just wrong that places are designed and built in a way that means people have to rely on a car - no wonder we're wrecking the planet.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 26-Mar-16 13:18:48

My Dad didn't learn to drive until after I was born. I believe it was because he was called in the early hours of the morning, to say Mum was in labour, and he ran the mile and a half to the hospital because the buses hadn't started that early in the morning. Gave him the push he needed to learn grin

Gwenhwyfar Sat 26-Mar-16 12:48:07

"I would wake up thinking something like - I want to bake today. But I wouldn't have one particular ingredient. And that would mean I'd have to go to the supermarket to get it. But it would be 30 mins walk"

But if you had a car, you wouldn't drive to the supermarket just for one ingredient wouldn't you? That would be quite wasteful.

anotherusernameugh Sat 26-Mar-16 09:06:48

I didn't drive for years. I just couldn't get the hang of it in my stop-start lessons, and it wasn't until I met DH that I realised there was now an urgency - i was envisioning a future in the suburbs with him (where we already live) but couldn't actually do the school run, popping out to get milk etc. I knew it would be a burden on him so i started again. I would make excuses when people asked me why I didn't saying that because I for a time lived in central London there was no need, but I knew I needed to get on it.

I live in an area where it's incredibly hard if you don't drive. Countless times, I would wake up thinking something like - I want to bake today. But I wouldn't have one particular ingredient. And that would mean I'd have to go to the supermarket to get it. But it would be 30 mins walk away and in my area buses are more like every 90 mins. Then you'd think about the faff. If I drove, I'd be able to do that journey in 5 mins. But because I didn't, I'd have to walk to wait for a bus, wait for it, finally do the shop, get back on the bus...unless of course I wanted to walk or take a taxi for £8, 8 times the price of the ingredient! You get the gist.

My other motivator was my job. I have a professional job which has absolutely no connection to driving. But a few months ago I was offered an interview for a role to work for a massive company based outside central London like so many are. I had to hesitate on whether to even go to meet them or not because I knew if I did get the role I would need to leave a whole hour earlier than necessary to get a green line bus, or take the tube line from my town back into town then back to the suburbs (because that's the only way it would work) to take advantage of the company shuttle. It just didn't make sense. That journey would take me 20 minutes driving in my car.

So I got my skates on and really pushed for my test and by my 2'd attempt passed. Sometimes you don't want to drive, but it just facilitates things, and for that reason I think it's worth it.

harshbuttrue1980 Sat 26-Mar-16 08:25:31

I don't judge people for not being able to drive. Due to the cost, I was well into my twenties before I could afford to learn. However, it becomes an irritation when non drivers expect you to come to their area all the time, or to give lifts. When I couldn't drive, I made sure I was familiar with the bus timetables so I didn't need to depend on anyone.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 26-Mar-16 08:01:57

kath shock horror children will not melt if they go on public transport, what did they do back in the day, when cars were a luxury. Actually it woukd do children well to walk and use other modes of transport, instead of being ferried around all the time. It woukd also help them to be more independent and less polluting the environment. I used to love public transport as a child, it was such great fun. Some people are totally divided from reality. No if somebody is unable to pass tests, then mabey it is good if they are off the road.

Sparklingbrook Sat 26-Mar-16 07:57:57

Well this 4 year old thread has got everyone frothing for a 2nd time. Impressive.

brambly Sat 26-Mar-16 06:08:22

I drive, but am genuinely gobsmacked somebody could be so self-centred as to label an activity so non-essential (and damaging to the environment) a prerequisite.

I live in a city where traffic congestion is so bad that rush hour spans around 6 hours a day, and once or twice a week it takes 45 minutes to get around 150 metres down one of the main roads. If even a modest percentage of non-drivers in the city were to take up driving, it would be impossible to drive at all: the place would be at a permanent standstill.

We are globally overconsuming to a terrifying degree. Surely it goes without saying that the less cars on the road, the better? People are giving up for financial/health/environmental reasons all the time.

And that's leaving aside the safety angle - if you knew the number of people at secondary school that I did who didnt show up on the first day back in September because they'd been killed in a car accident over the holidays, perhaps you would be a little less flippant in your description of wilful non-drivers.

As inferred by a pp, it appears there does exist a very odd, KeepingUpWithTheJones, provincial attitude towards driving exhibited by some. More than anything else I just find it vulgar, to be frank.

Stanky Sat 26-Mar-16 04:30:39

I am grateful that I have my driving licences. Driving is my livelihood now, and it has been an extremely useful life skill. But I appreciate that I was very lucky, that I learnt to drive before I had dc, and I was still living with my parents. It is so expensive and time consuming.

I would definitely recommend an intensive course to any one who wants to learn to drive. It took me about 3 years to pass my test, with the stop/starting of weekly lessons. In the end, I took an intensive course, and passed in about 2 weeks. I wish that I'd just done that in the first place. It was driving for about 4 hours each day, and it really helped me.

Most of dh's family don't drive. It can be a Pita, as it has limited some of them in what jobs they can apply for. They also often miss out on important family occasions, because they can't get a lift, and they don't want to pay for a taxi. Some of them have stopped being invited. It seems very limiting for them.

OTOH, I know drivers who pester for lifts all the time, because they want to go on 10 holidays a year, but don't want to drive to the airport or pay out for a taxi.

People, drivers and non drivers, are just a Pita in general when they take the piss, can't sort themselves out and don't get their shit together.

Shutthatdoor Sat 26-Mar-16 03:19:59

I don't agree that children should be dragged from pillar to post on public transport espciallt in bad weather so learning to drive was a must for me.

Clue there is for you. Maybe stop being so patronising and judgemental.

frikadela01 Sat 26-Mar-16 02:53:49

I'm learning to drive at the moment and I hate it... never feel confident and it's costing me £53 a week that I can barely afford.

We have a running joke at work though that you can tell the people who don't drive because they are never late and never take time off when it snows. Guess we are used to being prepared for all eventualities. I also can't stand the attitudes of drivers if their car is out of action for some reason and suggesting the bus is completely out of the question. In fact one of my colleagues rang in work to say she wasn't coming in because her car wouldn't start. She lives closer to work than I do and the bus stop is outside her house but god forbid she actually get on a bus.

FixItUpChappie Sat 26-Mar-16 02:22:34

My SIL doesn't drive and from the outside it does seem like a PITA. She is a SAHM in a place full of natural beauty but you need a car to get around, certainly to get further a field than their immediate community. When we visited in the summer she and the kids couldn't join us on any outings due to the car situation as her husband had to work and took their vehicle. We spent our days at the beach and they spent their days....at home, at the library etc. It's just so limiting.

I do think the partner who drives ends up doing the errands, all the popping out to the store, picking up the kids from here and there. Not all cities/suburbs are public transport friendly and walkable. Disability or compelling reason aside - I would find it frustrating if my partner didn't drive.

dustarr73 Sat 26-Mar-16 01:55:14

I'm a non driver all my life and I don't depend on anyone to get me where I'm going.Dp drives but often than not me and the kids hop on a luas,bus,train and head off. I'm one of the non drivers who actually doesn't depend on a lift

DirtyHarrietOnABike Sat 26-Mar-16 01:18:22

I don't mind non-drivers. I actually don't care about them at all. Tell them to get the bus. End of!

Yup. Whining chickenshits who won't use public transport because it's 'scary'.

Katiepoes Fri 25-Mar-16 22:24:23

Cowardly? How so please? I will let lazy and selfish go as I can see why you might proclaim that across the board, I assume you know the circumstances of every single car owner in all cities - but cowardly?

Anyone who is able-bodied and lives and works in a large city should not own a car. Car ownership in those circumstances is lazy, cowardly and selfish.

Katiepoes Fri 25-Mar-16 20:18:59

Can't speak for adults in general but I am married to a non-driver and it's a pain in the arse. He has no real reason not to have learned, he just never got around to it. I really truly resent it - especially when we have one of his family things and I have to sit with a fecking juice. Public transport to where his Mam and one sister are is not an option btw, it winds me up just thinking about it.

Kids on public transport though - why on earth not? When we go to the city center we almost always use the train and metro/tram when there, daughter loves it. She prefers it in fact, more things to look at.

GingerIvy Fri 25-Mar-16 19:48:38

We're looking at moving to an area where public transport is much better. Will I drive? Probably, but I also will use public transport when I can as well.

There's clearly an awful lot of people who can't/don't/won't drive, based on the amount of public transport out there. Personally I'd rather see more people use public transport and see less cars out on the road.

Topseyt Fri 25-Mar-16 19:20:09

Don't be daft KathrynL.

What the fuck is the problem with taking kids places on public transport? You almost talk as though it is cruel to them.

Kids need to learn how to use public transport responsibly and safely so yes, DO take them on the train, bus, tube, ferry or whatever.

FWIW I do drive, but only because public transport is patchy at best (though improving) where I live, so I need to to get anywhere, go to work etc. I will use public transport where it is a realistic option though.

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