To be furious with my MIL when she tells my husband my laundry skills are lacking??

(164 Posts)
MadWinter Sun 02-Dec-12 22:18:05

Hey, my DH and MIL have had a serious chat about all the things the in-laws find very hard to take. The stuff that really worries them. This includes: the mess in the sideroom, grey underpants that used to be white their grandson is wearing, smelly shirts their grandson is wearing to school and the general disarray of our house. I am absolutely furious. What on earth is she thinking. My DH never does anything in the house, and besides, who cares. My household is up to my standards, and yes, sometimes I see stuff that needs to be done differently but either don't know a better solution (the grey underpants are 2 years old, my DS grabs them from the bottom of the pile as he loves them so much, and I have been meaning to throw them away, and yes the smelly shirts sounds awful, but sometimes the room they are drying in is a tad too cold and it takes too long for them to dry and then they have a slight smell, no idea what to do about that really). Anyway, so I don't know a better solution, or, frankly it hasn't been my priority (the mess in the sideroom has been on my to do list for a year, but there's always a leaky tap or a lawn to be mown first). But what on earth is she doing even thinking about this, then commenting on it and discussing it with my DH. And why on earth do I even bother defending myself in my own mind??? Surely this is none of her business. Or should I be grateful someone cares? Should I be grateful someone bothers to let me know? Should I enlist her for advice on what detergent to use and how to hang my laundry??

RainbowsFriend Sun 02-Dec-12 22:44:42

www.notonthehighstreet.com/gardentrading/product/sheila_maid_ceiling_clothes_dryer?utm_source=GoogleShopping&utm_medium=Home%20&%20Garden&utm_campaign=51266&gclid=CMm68Nzl_LMCFcbLtAod_VAAHQ

These are great! Up in the ceiling out of the way, and the air is warmer by the ceiling so it dries quicker - we have ours in a stairwell so there is always a flow of air. Washing dries in less than 24 hours and it can take a large washing machine load.

ihearsounds Sun 02-Dec-12 22:44:44

Agree with Pictish, that airer is great, I have one for from warmer months and stuff that cannot go in the drier.

Op your dh should also be helping out as well. You aren't his mother to be repairing things, mowing the lawn and tidying up after him.

Icelollycraving Sun 02-Dec-12 22:44:56

I work full time,I personally am by mn standards mad as a box of frogs,as I iron everything. I think nicely laundered clothes & linens smell & feel better. That putrid smell of damp clothes not aired properly lingers,I have had to tell a member of my team before about it.

puds11 Sun 02-Dec-12 22:45:30

Endo why did you mention the heater??? Now i want one and its expensive! sad

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey Sun 02-Dec-12 22:45:51

I'd be concerned too if my relative was going to school in smelly shirts. Not nice for the person warning them.

DH should have shut that conversation down smartish. It would be him I would be cross about, not her.

bonkersLFDT20 Sun 02-Dec-12 22:46:47

School shirts are one of the quickest thing to dry IMO. Put them on a hanger in any (non damp) room and they should dry in a matter of hours.

How old is your son? If he's happy with his grey pants then I wouldn't worry about that one. To throw away perfectly good clothes because they are grey is very wasteful.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 02-Dec-12 22:46:54

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

pictish Sun 02-Dec-12 22:47:14

We have a flat oil filled radiator on all the time and the clothes airer sits beside it. It's on castors so we can rotate it when passing on the way back from the loo or whatever.
We live in a cold damp house - it's old and stone built, and drying clothes in the winter is somewhat an area of expertise of mine.

We also have a small and very old tumble drier on hand for emergencies.

Narked Sun 02-Dec-12 22:48:43

I just had a look at your link and thought, 'how does it fit in the house if it's 40 metres high?' confused

I need a new brain.

Themumsnot Sun 02-Dec-12 22:49:14

The smelly shirt thing is an issue, but one that can be easily sorted by taking on some of the advice below.
Old grey underpants - no big deal frankly.
The BIG issue is however, what is your DH's part in all this? You clearly work, judging by what you have posted, so how is the laundry YOUR sole responsibility. Did your DH relay this unpleasant conversation to you with the air of a man expecting you, as the person responsible for housework, to find a solution? Because if so, your problem is not smelly shirts - it is the balance of power in your relationship.

blackeyedsusan Sun 02-Dec-12 22:50:21

shirts drying will dry less smellyly if you spread them out more. I find it is the stuff in the middle of the airer that gets a bit wiffy if damp too long. I hate having to rewaash.. the other way is only practical if you are at home all the time and that is rotating them from inside to outside of the airer and turning the clothes over ...

I was also going to suggest febreeze. but have been beaten to it. this weather is a nightmare for drying clothes.

get the lazy lump to do his own washing and other stuff. (h not ds biut you could teach him too)

RainbowsFriend Sun 02-Dec-12 22:52:04

Also a thought - I had a problem with damp smelling clothes when I used to put a wash on early before I left for work, then hang it out at bedtime - a good 14 hours later. This was just too long hanging around in the washing machine..... could this be part of the cause?

diddl Sun 02-Dec-12 22:53:54

Or do a half load so airer less full?

MadWinter Sun 02-Dec-12 22:56:50

MIL noticed herself, they are from abroad, so come and stay for 10-20 days in our house. Lots of time to oversee every tiny detail of my household. Re-arrange my fridge, hyperclean the kitchen (so as to avoid getting germs my highly disorganised household would obviously give them) and just criticize most of what I do, but always to their DS, once they are gone, he gets the whole load, and then he tells me.

(just to be clear here, my house wouldn't win any cleanliness prizes, but I think it's pretty much good enough, certainly no need to send a social worker in, as some of you may be thinking by now)haha

Perhaps then I should just tell her to let me know directly when she has genuine concerns??

That said...I don't tell her anything directly, and there are many things she does that I don't like, and think are really, really having a negative impact on my child (like feeding him endless amounts of sweets). I try and ignore it, as I believe that you should not really mess in the relationship between a child and their grandparent, and it's only a limited number of days a year (like 30).

Also my DH tells me it is vital to keep a good relationship and absolutely impossible to bring these things up with her.

pictish Sun 02-Dec-12 22:57:28

Also recommend screwing cup hooks into the wall above radiators...in the hall, or the bathroom or behind doors etc, and hanging a coathanger with heavy or large items of clothing like jeans and shirts on it.
If you have high enough ceilings you can get a pulley airer suspended from the ceiling.

Damp doesn't smell nice. The place you are using to dry in either needs heated right up, or not used at all.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 02-Dec-12 22:58:12

I've got a dehumidifier in my utility room. It sucks all the moisture out the clothes that are drying. Dh rigged up an indoor washing line that zig zags across the room.

I used to work with someone whose clothes always smelt musty, damp. Horrible smell. Please sort this out for your dd's sake.

Apart from that I sympathise. I had similar from my mother last year and chucked her out. She hasn't been allowed back in the house since as I told her it obviously upsets her too much to see a bit of clutter.

Morloth Sun 02-Dec-12 22:59:29

I have a fantastic MIL, really lovely - we get on brilliantly.

And she has learned over the years to never ever comment on my housekeeping (or lack thereof) because I really am lazy and anyone silly enough to come to my house and make any sort of comment will be handed the broom and told to get on with it. She once decided to clean my oven 'pointedly' so I made a cup of tea and sat in the kitchen and chatted to her while she did it. That was the last time I think. grin

Sort out the shirts though, it isn't nice to be the smelly kid.

thebody Sun 02-Dec-12 23:00:23

Get why you are mad but don't agree a sign if a clean house is a wasted life!

My house is clean as I hate mingling smelly ones. Yeuk.

I work full time too and have 2 kids still at home.

I wouldn't dream if sending my kids to school in smelly clothes and wouldn't wear them myself.

However your dh sounds a lazy arse and should be helping you.

Your mil, well she sounds an interfering type but got to put myself in her position and I would judge you sending your kid to school in smelly clothes. When I wax at school that would lead to bullying or name calling.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Sun 02-Dec-12 23:01:04

The colour of the underpants is a ridiculous thing to worry about, so long as they are serviceable (no holes & adequate elastic grin)then all is well.

The mess in YOUR home is no-one's business but YOUR own (together with your DH of course), why on earth would you spend time fretting about someone else's house? confused. Unless it's of Kim & Aggie proportions of course.

The smelly school shorts are literally the only thing you have mentioned that I think it fair of your MIL to "have a word" about. I wouldn't want to wear damp/fusty smelling clothes myself & I certainly wouldn't send any of the DCs to school in a slightly pongy shirt.

I would take on board the drying/laundry advice & ignore the rest personally grin.

IllageVidiot Sun 02-Dec-12 23:01:43

I think your DH is due an arrival on the scene to do half of the work frankly. Unless he doesn't eat, wear clothes, sleep, wash or otherwise use the house.
I would second that, unless he was telling you he was cross about what his mother said and shut her down, the balance is off. As now you are expected to do all the housework and work ft and do all the childcare I would explain that he needs to sart showing me a little respect - I hope he hasn't got his mother's attitude. YANBU.

Anyway - I have a sweaty DH that has passed on his dampness gene to son - sometimes I find sweaty shirts (too young for odour) that have been screwed up and left somewhere and they have soured - I can't wash these on a low temp and have to use a bio powder or you can still smell the musty note. Cotton tops I can get clean but some other fabrics really hold on to it...unless I shrink them in a hot wash, but then they're useless anyway!
So hot wash for any that have gone musty and the heated airer (which I love as we have no tumbly) is the answer for me! Oh and digging under the bed for shirts because son is a heathen hmm

MadWinter Sun 02-Dec-12 23:02:52

?? who is the other Inge2012, I actually just changed my nickname so this would be absolutely anonymous. Wouldn't want anyone to know about this. Weird. Can't remember posting about wanting to be a SAHM?

PropertyNightmare Sun 02-Dec-12 23:03:39

It is absolutely none of your MIL's business. Tell her to fuck off and keep her opinions to herself. Seriously, don't upset yourself about it.

diddl Sun 02-Dec-12 23:05:29

Well if the whole family are wearing smelly clothes, I think I can see why MIL pointed that out.

I suppose it´s ridiculous but I think I´d also be a bit sad if my GS was wearing grey pants.

MrsMushroom Sun 02-Dec-12 23:06:01

Property a child in smelly clothing IS someone else s business. Of course it is.

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