To be furious with my MIL when she tells my husband my laundry skills are lacking??

(164 Posts)
MadWinter Sun 02-Dec-12 22:18:05

Hey, my DH and MIL have had a serious chat about all the things the in-laws find very hard to take. The stuff that really worries them. This includes: the mess in the sideroom, grey underpants that used to be white their grandson is wearing, smelly shirts their grandson is wearing to school and the general disarray of our house. I am absolutely furious. What on earth is she thinking. My DH never does anything in the house, and besides, who cares. My household is up to my standards, and yes, sometimes I see stuff that needs to be done differently but either don't know a better solution (the grey underpants are 2 years old, my DS grabs them from the bottom of the pile as he loves them so much, and I have been meaning to throw them away, and yes the smelly shirts sounds awful, but sometimes the room they are drying in is a tad too cold and it takes too long for them to dry and then they have a slight smell, no idea what to do about that really). Anyway, so I don't know a better solution, or, frankly it hasn't been my priority (the mess in the sideroom has been on my to do list for a year, but there's always a leaky tap or a lawn to be mown first). But what on earth is she doing even thinking about this, then commenting on it and discussing it with my DH. And why on earth do I even bother defending myself in my own mind??? Surely this is none of her business. Or should I be grateful someone cares? Should I be grateful someone bothers to let me know? Should I enlist her for advice on what detergent to use and how to hang my laundry??

shewhowines Sun 02-Dec-12 22:22:22

Enlist her advice on how to get her lazy son to pull his weight, then ignore.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 02-Dec-12 22:23:54

You could ask her to pay for a tumble dryer.

Or remind her that her son has hands of his own and could help with the washing occasionally.

Or just tell her to fuck off and mind her own business. You know you want to.

FannyFifer Sun 02-Dec-12 22:26:00

Don't send your child to school in smelly shirts though, that's not fair to him.

apostropheuse Sun 02-Dec-12 22:26:12

There's no reason for two year old underpants to be grey. If you wash only white together they don't go grey. I also would hate my grandchildren to go to school with smelly clothes. I would be afraid other children would pick on them. Children can be cruel.

The messy "sideroom" is not affecting anyone, so she should mind her own business there.

However, it is just as much your DH's responsibility to see to these things as it is yours. Tell your MIL so. Or was she telling him to get him to do something about it anyway?

Please don't take this the wrong way, but are things worse than you think, and could she have genuine concerns about your DC? Going to school in a smelly shirt isn't ideal - you don't want him to get a reputation as the smelly kid.

I agree your DH should be pulling his weight - why isn't he?

thebody Sun 02-Dec-12 22:29:26

Don't send your kids to school smelly, that's rank.

Why are you worried about your mil? Sort out your lazy arse mummy's boy..

mercibucket Sun 02-Dec-12 22:29:59

Why was she talking to your dh about it? Did she want him to tidy up and do the laundry?

Tbh, grey undies and smelly shirts sound horrible for your ds (well, the greying undies less so as I guess kids don't see them at school). But smelly shirts? Yes, that is horrible.

mercibucket Sun 02-Dec-12 22:29:59

Why was she talking to your dh about it? Did she want him to tidy up and do the laundry?

Tbh, grey undies and smelly shirts sound horrible for your ds (well, the greying undies less so as I guess kids don't see them at school). But smelly shirts? Yes, that is horrible.

Icelollycraving Sun 02-Dec-12 22:30:14

Washing not dried peoperly is a grim smell & frankly there is no need. If you know that is an issue resolve it. Clutter isn't my thing but each to their own. Dirtiness & smelliness is unnecessary IMO.
Do you work?

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 02-Dec-12 22:30:38

Umm - smelly = damp - thats awful, that really reeks and other kids will take the piss out of him sad

Grey underwear is easily cured by using biotex or washing properly in the first place.

I would judge you on an odourous child with washout clothing. Sorry.

RainbowsFriend Sun 02-Dec-12 22:30:53

Just a thought - did you witness this conversation, or did you hear it from either your DH or MIL?

If it was your DH, could you ask him what he intends to do about it then? Put the onus on him?

Your son should not be going to school in smelly shirts though. Grey underpants - well I often get a stray item in the wrong wash and that happens to me, but smelly shirt is not on. Maybe a tumble dryer, or an airer that can be hoisted up into the ceiling of your stairs where there will be a good low of warm air or similar?

diddl Sun 02-Dec-12 22:31:29

You should be furious with your husband for running to Mummy instaed of doing something himself or discussing it with you.

What pile is you son grabbing grey pants from?

I don´t get why they aren´t thrown away unwashed as soon as he takes them off!

Buy coloured ones!

Do you have a warmer room to dry clothes in?

Annunziata Sun 02-Dec-12 22:31:38

You send your child to school in grey underpants and smelly clothes and you don't expect her to comment and worry?

pictish Sun 02-Dec-12 22:34:39

"Therer's no reason for a 2 yr old underpants to be grey"

What will happen if they are though? Will the sun fail to rise, and the moon fall from the sky? Shall we be thrown in a wild, blind, starving, diseased disarray of choas and anarchy?

Some of my kids oants are a bit grey. I give a flying fuck not at all. If my mil gave one, I would first of all pick my self up off the floor after the shock as she hasn't got a brain the size of a walnut, and then I would ignore.

OP - I recommend one of these to you. We have one in the corner of the little ones bedroom. It holds three good loads and as it's in a warm bedroom it stays smelling sweet. The funny smell you describe is damp.
It's worth every penny of the £30 x

defineme Sun 02-Dec-12 22:36:52

It is not her business and it's very bad manners to say that.

Your dh needs to pull his weight unless he does his fair share in another way?

Re the washing: I had this and only solution is putting both my airers next to radiator and turning them frequently-clothes dried faster then. Grey pants and a messy sideroom are nobodies business but yours. Wtf have my pants got to do with anybody-it's not dirt!

Catsize Sun 02-Dec-12 22:37:12

Hope your husband defended you.

MrsMushroom Sun 02-Dec-12 22:38:20

Have you no heating? Dry the shirts on the radiator as a priority. YABU....if my grandchildren were in smelly shirts, I would complain too.

puds11 Sun 02-Dec-12 22:38:26

op you can get lenor with febreeze in it. Its a mazing. I use it because my house is very old and therefore gets quite damp, and even with the heating on clothes take a long time to dry. This stuff keeps them smelling great though.

MadWinter Sun 02-Dec-12 22:40:25

Ah well, thanks for this, and for putting me in my place. I guess I do need to up my standards slightly then. And perhaps should be grateful for someone pointing it out.

I suppose what makes me furious is the way it is done. With the smug rightfulness of someone who used to do these things absolutely immaculately for her own husband and child. Personally I believe the sign of a clean house is the sign of a wasted life. I'd rather spend time on my job and make sure I further my career.

By the way, she talks to her son, as she and I don't have the sort of relationship she could mention her criticisms to me. It's like a HUGE point for her, she couldn't just casually mention it. She has taken great pride in being a SAHM and thinks that's the way things should be done. Seeing me doing it fast and to minimum standards (sometimes clearly dropping the ball then in your opinion) is 100% WRONG in her world. Personally I couldn't care less about cupcakes and the occasionally crumpled shirt (on average my son is usually best dressed in his class, as far as I can see)

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 02-Dec-12 22:40:54

You need a Lakeland heated airer to get the washing dry. Suggest to MIL that she might like to buy one for you.

MadWinter Sun 02-Dec-12 22:41:34

By the way, thanks for the laundry tips! I don't mind laundry tips, I do mind criticism.

Narked Sun 02-Dec-12 22:42:28

The grey thing is silly. It can take one mistake to change the colour of white stuff blush and then you're stuck with it.

The smell thing I think you need to take on board. Yes, it's from a bloody annoying source and yes just moaning isn't actually helping you solve your damp problem, but you can't send your DS into school in clothes that smell. It's not fair and it's not a 'this is the way I do things' issue. A dehumidifier in the room you use to dry clothes would help. You need one that takes out 10 litres/day.

diddl Sun 02-Dec-12 22:43:37

I don´t get why your MIL has had to be involved though?

Has she noticed stuff herself or has your husband told her about grey pants & smelly shorts?

MadWinter Sun 02-Dec-12 22:44:23

EndoplasmicReticulum and Pictish, you had me laughing out loud. Great to clear away any angry thoughts, thank you.

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