to wonder why DS has been sent a 'girly' birthday card again?

(186 Posts)

He is 2.

I appreciate the receiving a card, I really do, but... this couple (who are/were friends are my MIL...now deceased) did the same thing on his birthday last year.

This year's is purple with pink butterflies... last year's I don't remember well but it was pink with a picture of a girl doing something birthday-like.

Cards not received last-minute so it wasn't like they thought they'd miss the post and had to send something they already had at home. Also money (or rather, lack of) not an issue here.

Is it odd thing for them to do? Am I being unreasonably ungrateful?

GrimmaTheNome Sun 02-Dec-12 16:43:45

Hula - I think the clue to that one is in the poster's name. Buying an 'opposite gendered' card is spot-on right if you know that's what the child likes - and spot-on wrong if you know they won't like it. If you don't know what the child likes - best get something neutral IMO (which to me includes something like Thomas the Tank Engine).

>Donkeys are asexual. They are the only asexual mammal living on land.
You know that expression 'hung like a horse'? They ain't got nothing on donkeys grin -fortunately this has little to do with children's toys, even those expensive German plastic animals don't dare do them justice.

Hulababy Sat 01-Dec-12 15:25:15

Hallowennamschange - most 2 yo have an opinion on what they like. I responded to another poster who said they'd buy opposite gender specific cards on purpose. I questioned if they'd do it Even If they knew a child's preference and it was different to what the poster wanted to buy.

HazleNutt Sat 01-Dec-12 14:02:41

Interesting. So people saying YANBU and why would someone send a "wrong" gendered card, are at the same time claiming that dividing things to boys' and girls' doesn't matter the slightest, surely people can make their minds up themselves and buy what they want.

Well, that's what the people in OP did, and you are stating that they were wrong to choose something that was labelled (or looks like it could have been labelled) "for girls".

But still, gender stereotyping off cards and toys doesn't matter, oh no, not the slightest, no difference..

differentnameforthis Sat 01-Dec-12 08:46:28

My daughter would (and was) in her element at receiving Thomas the Tank engine cards this year. Almost as excited as she was when she got Fireman Sam ones last year!

TeddyBare Sat 01-Dec-12 08:34:49

YABU and ungrateful. Your ds can like purple and butterflies and it's nice that someone in his life recognises that, especially if you're busy trying to force him to do the stereotypical boy things.

Oop, sorry couscous, I agree. I was being sarcastic.

Welovecouscous Sat 01-Dec-12 08:29:59

This my son adores kittens and would live a card like that!

Welovecouscous Sat 01-Dec-12 08:29:28

I might have done this pre DS as I didn't realise how strong gender stereotyping is on gifts for tiny kids. Why wouldn't a 2 year old boy like butterflies?

I can't believe anyone would think a small boy would like butterflies!

It's PC gone mad!.

They should have got him a dinosaur card.

What will they get him next year? A card with kittens on!

threesocksmorgan Sat 01-Dec-12 08:14:33

i had that problem. I had to get dd's christmas jumper from the mens bit.

jamdonut Sat 01-Dec-12 08:06:47

Slightly off topic...referring to something earlier in tne thread....

My daughter (nearly 16) went shopping for jumpers. When she came home she had two really lovely chunky knit jumpers,from Primark, that loked gorgeous on her. She got them from the MENS department because she couldn't find anything she liked in Womens!!!

Dp does things like this as he is colour blind

seeker Sat 01-Dec-12 07:48:15

The massed ranks of the Professionally Unoffended out in force, I see!

"no, no, no, nothing to see here! No gender stereotyping going on at all. And even if there was, it wouldn't make any difference. Nothing stopping girls doing anything they want to. It's just coincidence that they don't want to be physicists, engineers or Prime Ministers....."

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Sat 01-Dec-12 07:36:30

I'm sure there's nothing more to it than one of them went looking for a card and saw a pretty one, or they have lots of cards stockpiled and they're using them up (my grandad used to do this)

And it's actually rather good that their thinking isn't boy = train/football.

Because the other possibility is that they are going out and deliberately buying cards for girls in order to give them to your boy and their intention is to make some sort of point/statement/upset you - and you have to ask yourself - how likely is that?

so I'd say just thank them for the cards and don't overanalyse it. In all likelihood it means nothing beyond sending a card.

qo Sat 01-Dec-12 07:28:13

I really don't think I implied that girls can't do physics tuttyfinch

I said Grimma's post made me feel sad, because it did.

nooka Sat 01-Dec-12 06:59:02

Marketing isn't just about responding to demand, the 'best' marketing is about creating demand. Segmentation is one way to do that, in this case by creating products for the part of the market buying for boys and the part buying for girls (or creating that perception at least). This means that parents are much less likely to pass toys down within families, and friends and family more likely to pick up the girl/boy toy because it's easier.

The consequence of this is that the volume of gender specific toys that the average child gets its likely to be much higher. So far fewer girls will get sciency type stuff, and far fewer boys will have creative stuff, and in general neither girls nor boys will have much that hasn't been genderised. Even previously gender neutral toys like lego have done this, and it's even more insidious because not only are the lines aimed at girls in pastel shades but they are also less complex than the standard kits. This is now creeping into adult marketing too - see all the crappy pink tools you can now buy in hardware stores.

Boomerwang Sat 01-Dec-12 06:09:29

Ugh. Skipped most of the thread after the crap about gender stereotyping.

I would think it was odd, yes. It's clearly a girly card. I'd clear up any doubt about your child's gender and expect something more appropriate next year.

The only confused children out there are the ones who aren't reassured about their identity and that's unfair and in some cases detrimental.

HalloweenNameChange Sat 01-Dec-12 04:24:07

Obstreperous - would you do this regardless of the child's likes and interests?

Hulababy why would you assume that a baby's gender would determine whether they would like a card? Do you assume 2 year old baby girls are more likely to like butterfly than boys? If the people who sent the card don't know the child well why should they send a traditional boys card? WHy should they assume the baby will enjoy it more because it follws gender stereotyping?

HalloweenNameChange Sat 01-Dec-12 04:04:24

He is 2 he doesn't care.

He is 2, if he knows what a butterfly- he probably likes them.

Someone actually cared enough to send your son a card.

mathanxiety Sat 01-Dec-12 03:38:11

Was it my mum who sent the card? She has consistently got age and gender wrong on cards since DD1 was a baby, so 22 years now.. The DCs treasure her cards.

The problem is she doesn't like to wear her glasses if she thinks someone would see her, and for some reason is blind to many aspects of popular culture so the pink/blue thing doesn't mean anything to her (also she can never tell when someone sitting beside her on a park bench is out of their head on turpentine, etc).

Obstreperous Sat 01-Dec-12 02:00:23

Yes threesocks, I do it so it's all about me. I also climb into the ballpit at soft play parties and push in front of the birthday girl/boy to blow their candles out grin.

I do buy to interest if I can identify one (they're all only 2-3). I bought my DS an owl card because he loves them. It was pink - they don't actually seem to do owl cards in other colours.

AlexReidsLonelyThisChristmas Sat 01-Dec-12 01:11:06

I had Meccano and all that jazz and I was shit at physics. I was never allowed a Chemistry Set yet loved it and got me an A.

My younger sister grew up on a diet of Barbie, Polly Pocket, Littlest Pet Shop and the rest and will be taking Physics and Maths for A level. She got all the brains and I got all the stumpiness. grin

CaseyShraeger Sat 01-Dec-12 01:08:05

DD1 (4.5) likes football and Ben 10 and Doctor Who. But she's aware at some level that she's "supposed" to like pink and purple. She says "I like red and blue and yelliw and grey; all the colours except pink and purple". I don't think she has anything against the colours but she dorsn't seem to think she can resist the hyper-girly mindset without rejecting the colours too.

DD2 (21 months) doesn't have much hair. If she's not wearing (effectively) a flashing neon sign that says "Hello, I am a girl" then strangers tend to assume she's a boy rather than a girl. And the comments she gets as a "boy" are identifiably different from those she gets as a girl. Can that really have no impact? Well, in DD2's case quite possibly as she also has a hearing impairment and can't hear what people are saying, but more generally? (ooh, there's an interesting research subject there, on gender stereotyping in hearing-impaired vs. non-hearing-impaired children).

SomersetONeil Sat 01-Dec-12 00:52:14

"If you are talking about the wider issue of why girls don't choose to do physics that's a massively different issue and I'd be more than happy to engage in polite discourse about it."

No, it's not a massively different issue; it is the issue being discussed. No-one is saying girls can't do physics; of course they can. But they don't tend to, do they?

Why is that?

coff33pot Sat 01-Dec-12 00:45:30

Mine wore a tweeeeeed jacket and horn rimmed glasses lol he was the one that taught me the law of gravity by kicking the stool out from under me grin

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