Mumsnet Talk

... because the old one filled up before I could say this to HoneyDragon:

HoneyDragon - despite the home-made shepherds pie evidence to the contrary, I am a bloddy neglectful parent too. I haven't immaced my children or dyed them blue, but I did let ds1 eat tortilla chips out of the bin, because it had stopped him tantrumming, and I didn't want him to start again. Oh, and he got stuck in the catflap once, and I didn't realise straight away.

Can I just post how smug I feel at getting the last post on the previous thread.

I might just have to boast to my bemused neglected children about it.

Sorry SDTG

It's OK, Chaz - serves me right for typing too slowly!

I once forgot to pick up DD from playgroup.

Was engrossed in work, merrily deciding things when the phone went "Err, Mrs Scarlett, haven't you forgotten something"

"No, I don't think so"

"How about littleScarlett?"

"Oh, right"

Dh says that qualifies you to be the next Prime Minister, Katie!

Oh I did that too. I forgot ds2 was at basketball club instead of after school club. They phoned me and said "we have mini tantrums here in the office "

Me-why?

School-because you were supposed to pick him up 15 minutes ago from basketball!

Me-oh for fucks sake.

I'm doing good work on neglecting my dcs this evening. Dd3 has had soup sitting in on the sofa - because she was a very good girl when dragged shopping straight after school and by the time we got home we were both very cold and hungry. Dd1 and dd2 are currently sorting out their own jacket spuds with minimal input from me because I cannot be arsed [gron]

Dyed them blue? Are people talking about me?! <shifty eyes>

Jacket spuds with minimal input - this is a novel filling of which I have not heard, Northernlurker.

And oddly enough DD and DS are normal, healthy, happy teenagers who will both be off to uni within the next 22 months (and counting). They also have p/t jobs outside school and DD volunteers (just to up the smuggery-ante, Jenna, y'know).

They can both cook, clean and iron too. Still, that's more needs must

Nooooooooooo Beyond - HoneyDragon is the one who dyed the baby blue as well as immacing him. But feel free to confess your baby-dying sins here - no-one will laugh much! << adopts serious and sympathetic expression >>

What is this ironing of which you speak, Katie? Is it what dh does every weekend, so we all have flat clothes to wear? I do not iron - I am allergic.

DS has managed to loose his school shoes and we didn't have time to look for them this morning otherwise I'd be late for work, so he had to in green trainers and with scribbled note begging forgiveness.
Can I play too please?

I'm not sure what to hairdresser things of my parenting skills, both boys needed a very much needed haircut, while hairdresser says X. Do you know half your child's hair is missing...

Me asking ds (6) yes mum cut my own hair, as you took too long as it was annoying me... Asked him where the scissors are and he said... In your naughty drawer???!!!!

Still clueless and I'm now sure the hair dresser thinks I've got a drawer full of sex toys

my sister actually, not me, dyed DS1 blue. I mentioned it in the hairdye thread on the weekend. Weird coincidence there, phew
I do tell people about honeydragon and the immac often as it literally makes me lol, sorry honey

Minimal input is in the same supermarket aisle as extract of benign neglect. It looks strangely like beans, frozen sweetcorn and cheese. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it. You must have been too busy working.

I am mistress of the artful hangandstretch system SDTG

DH once critiqued my ironing of a shirt. It was both his last critique and thing I ever ironed.

Bigwuss of course! Welcome to the shite mothers club!

Me work? Nooooooo - how would I have time to mumsnet??

<<hi fives SDTG>>

Do you know I still say your full name in my head when I type SDTG!

Beyond I swear the colour blue is actually a mavlevelont creature intent on thwarting owners of small people.

DH asked me to iron a shirt many years ago.
So I did. He took one look at it and ironed it again.

He irons the DCs school trousers with creases down the front and all that.
I have never done that.

He taught the teenagers how to iron a shirt and trousers perfectly.
And how to sew.

And brings home half the bacon. I don't do domestic. I am bloody amazing in bed though

I iron. I like to do so whilst watching something interesting. There's a fab documentary on the US Civil War that I'm using for ironing fodder atm. Dh know better than to critique. However I do always have an ironing pile the size of a small car.

My best shite mother story is when dd1 was in Year 1. I had shouted at her because whilst getting (slowly) dressed she had put her trousers on back to front causing a delay in getting out of the house. I took her to school and then hurtled off to work. When I got there I noticed a colleague was looking at me strangely and she kept on looking at me strangely. So I said somewhat snappily 'X what's the problem' and she replied 'oh nothing.....except Northern - have you got YOUR trousers on back to front?'

Exit Northern to loos to change mentally planning to buy offspring enormous chocolate model of self or similar as an apology.........

Arf at back-to-front trousies, Northern!

Bloody thread filled up while I was expressing my outrage at being deleted. It went something like...

I am outraged, OUTRAGED I tell you, that my scholarly linguistic analyses of the OP's fake unusual posting idiosyncracies were deleted.

I spent some good, solid child-neglecting time researching and presenting my findings, and MNHQ just destroy whole MINUTES of study in two clicks of their delete button.

And besides, I NEVER get deleted. I am well-behaved.

Well, apart from the time I called someone a bigot, but in my defence, they were, in fact, a bigot.

Outraged!

I turned around too quickly holding 4 day old DS and smacked his head on the doorframe. That same day I put him on the floor to change as DSD came charging into the room and tripped over him.

That confession may have been too awful for the bad mothers club