Mumsnet Talk

I always knew I didn't want children, so I didn't have them. I've never had any regrets, but appreciate that I have had it very easy. It wasn't a decision I ever had to wrestle with. I never muse on 'what might have been' because I love my life - it's easy and pleasant. And I love being half of a 'sad middle aged couple'!

I wish I'd known how fucking hard it would be. Had postnatal depression twice and my mum (who had three) said she's never seen anything like DD1's tantrums (she's 2.9). They are insane. And I think contributed to why I am still on ADs. I feel like she takes every bit of my energy and patience, and then demands more and more. She's driven me to tears with exhaustion. I feel shattered, guilty, a bad mother, but the medication and some family support means that I am now able to see things rationally.

My DD2 (8 months) is the baby everyone dreams of having. Always smiling, gurgling, laughing - always happy. No bonding issues at all, whereas I still feel I resent DD1 who was a difficult, colicky, screamer and I hate myself for feeling such grateful love to DD2 for making life so easy. I am on the list for counselling to address this.

I would be happy child free - I know I would be. The sheer overwhelming exhaustion of a toddler with night terrors and a baby who refuses to sleep for more than three hours has made me ill. And then knowing the responsibility is with you for life as well.

That said I am very happy I made my parents grandparents. They are besotted with their grandchildren.

ds2 and I'm on ads too! I love him but he is hard work . If my ds were easier well I'llbe honest ds2 I would not be medicated up to the eyeballs !

Don't have and never wanted. Regret nothing.

Ps. does anyone have a link to the aforementioned other thread?

PND is horrific. It is the reason we have chosen to keep DS as an only. I cannot risk putting myself through that again. If that makes DS a 'lonely only', then I could not give two shits. I have had to adjust my expectations and be grateful for what I have.