I have two dd's. Both were conceived quickly and although pregnancy was hard, all is now good. Second dd is 5 weeks. Since before I became pregnant with first dd, my sister and her husband have been trying to become pregnant. Their first three rounds of IVF conicided with my pregnancies. They failed. I have just heard that their fourth attempt has been successful and sister is pregnant.
What I can't understand is my reaction. When I heard the news, I felt jealous and sad, even though I know that they will make wonderful parents and I have two beautiful dd's myself. The topic of their infertility has dominated all conversations for the past couple of years. My own Mum especially has talked about their struggle constantly. My sister hi-jacks conversations, unintentially, that I have with my parents and the topic of conversation always comes back to her - "when I have a child I will..." I admire her positive outlook because it has been a hard and gruelling couple of years but I feel that my own wonderful children have been overlooked because the focus has been on the negatives of their problems, rather than the positives of my experience. My Mum, even when she came to see my second dd for the first time, could only talk about sister's current round of IVF and did not stay for a long time as had to take sister to a medical appointment.
I am ashamed of my resonse. It is childish and petulant but I can not help feeling resentful. I feel that my own wonderful children have been overlooked and that sister's baby will be the "golden child." My parents funded their fourth round of IVF while my husband and I are struggling with decreased wages and high child care costs. I know that if the roles had been reversed, my mum would have done the same for me but I am dreading the next nine months as all I will ever, ever hear are pregnancy tales about my sister. I have heard it for years when I am with my Mum by herself, when we are all together as a family, and the only time I get respite from it is when I speak to my Dad because he is a typical man and doesn't pay attention to anything concerned with reproduction!!
Do you think I could still be suffering from baby blues from second dd's birth that is making me extra sensitive? I can't bear the thought of my sister's high maintenance pregnancy, but know she is just ecstatic to be pregnant. I am so, so pleased for her but when I think about the imediate future I feel sad and then I feel mad at myself for not truly sharing in their joy.
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to feel jealous of sister-in-law's IVF success when I have my own dd's?
144 replies
pheobepp · 10/11/2012 21:30
OP posts:
TwitchyTail ·
10/11/2012 21:52
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44SoStartingOver ·
10/11/2012 21:52
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