To think this is a heartless bastardish thing to do?

(180 Posts)
sillymoomoo Fri 28-Sep-12 22:18:11

My 'dp' of 3.5 years, doesn't live with us 'yet' have a ds (not together) but supposed to be a family. Ds is poorly and has woken up crying with a temperature and asked where dp is as he's normally here most nights, he's not here tonight so I said shall we ring him.

He won't answer his phone because he said his mates round having a fucking beer. He text me this so I told him ds was sick and wanted to say hello his response 'well he can't'.

I'm absolutely fuming, he's done things like this before but we've been ok for almost a year now and I thought we were past him being a childish little idiot. These guys are in their 30's not kids, his friend has his own son so why the hell wouldn't he speak to ds.

MissHuffy Sun 07-Oct-12 10:28:20

Only just seen this thread!

What a monumental arse! You are well rid.

NeDeLaMer Sun 07-Oct-12 10:13:38

Bloody hell - what a total git.

Until now you haven't been my 'type' (female), but you sound brilliant to be in a relationship with, so maybe I'll have to rethink that one grin

Good fecking luck to him finding anyone to meet his exacting standards & actually also having a brain of their own & not being a complete and utter drip!! Maybe he should just move back in with his mother & buy a blow up doll??

Please please please don't let him talk you into getting back together - you and DS are worth a 100 of this tosspot. Don't think of it as 4 years wasted, think of it as a good lesson learnt!!

He sounds like a dick

perfectstorm Sat 06-Oct-12 20:53:51

I also said perhaps he needs to have a think about a realistic future and wished him luck with finding a pretty little domestic goddess that works, cooks cleans, brings him drinks while he watches his programmes and still has the energy for sexy underwear and bending over the bed and bouncing on his cock every night after all the cooking and cleaning. Sorry to be so crude but that's exactly how I put it to him. Because that is what I think.

You can't hear me, but I am clapping right now. What a brilliant assessment!

He'll either find a very, very vulnerable and damaged person and destroy them, or he'll be a lonely, embittered asshole. I so very much hope it's the first. He genuinely does think the world should revolve around and cater to him. How scary.

Good luck with the rest of your life. And WELL DONE on getting shot of the creep.

itwasallyellow Sat 06-Oct-12 16:39:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadySybildeChocolate Sat 06-Oct-12 14:35:28

I'm in full agreement with Thumb, he wants someone who's prepared to be his mother and wipe his arse. What a tosser!

Well done, silly! wine

Whocansay Sat 06-Oct-12 14:31:46

He doesn't think you've broken up. He clearly expects you to acquiesce to his demands.

He berated you for putting your son first. You're a mother. You are supposed to do this!

He is a needy, chauvinist twat who cares for and thinks of no one but himself. Please tell him to fuck off and stop taking his calls / responding to texts. Can you imagine how damaging this would be for your son if you moved in with him?

Hope you're OK. Hold on to the anger!

Thumbwitch Sat 06-Oct-12 13:45:27

I think you have been too optimistic but now you've become far more realistic about things - hurrah!
I agree, nothing wrong in acknowledging the good things that an ex has done - but still being able to see that they are a complete an utter arsewankbadger who doesn't deserve your time of day is a benefit. grin

Onwards and upwards now! Hope you and your DS get over the loss of the loser fairly quickly and easily and have a lovely time together.

(can't believe he suddenly offered you the one thing you've been asking for - guess he thought he was "doing you a favour" by condescendingly finding a "way forward" for you all, hey - wanker!)

sillymoomoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:49:40

thumbwitch that is exactly what I said I told him he should advertise for a maid.

I also said perhaps he needs to have a think about a realistic future and wished him luck with finding a pretty little domestic goddess that works, cooks cleans, brings him drinks while he watches his programmes and still has the energy for sexy underwear and bending over the bed and bouncing on his cock every night after all the cooking and cleaning. Sorry to be so crude but that's exactly how I put it to him. Because that is what I think.

He diverted then by saying the only way we can move forward is if we buy our own house together instead of living in two places. Which is what I've been asking for for ages now hmm so I just said leave you to it.

Just kind of in disbelief at the audacity. Be pissed with someone, but at least acknowledge their worth. For all his arseholeness I will never deny the nice things he has done maybe I'm just too optimistic.

Thumbwitch Sat 06-Oct-12 10:42:29

Hurrah! Good riddance.

sillymoomoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:38:41

We have actually split up tallwiv this was just kind of a post break up rant. Im just baffled at how someone can say stuff like that and completely deny all you've ever done. He won't aknowledge anything nice I've ever done. Does he have akshweal memory loss?

gymboywalton Sat 06-Oct-12 10:38:00

i9 hope you have kicked him into touch?

hopenglory Sat 06-Oct-12 10:37:23

Oh you have had such a lucky escape. Believe me you will look back on this and skip with joy at the thought that he is no longer part of your life

Thumbwitch Sat 06-Oct-12 10:37:11

So he wants a replacement mother and to never grow up or become a PROPER man.

Hope you said good bye and good luck - chances of him getting a woman like that = next to none in this day and age, what a shame, eh.

Just goes to show that sometimes doing a lot isn't enough - they always want more. I have a dear friend here who is a bit of a surrendered wife (not saying you are, btw) and all it has done has allowed her H to assume that he should be allowed to do whatever the fuck he likes, whenever he likes, and never have to do anything that he doesn't want to. They're in the process of breaking up as he has absolutely no concept of helping, taking responsibility, being a grown up, being a man.

Do him the favour of kicking him into touch - and you'll be doing yourself and your DS the biggest favour of all. smile

PedanticPanda Sat 06-Oct-12 10:35:34

You've had a lucky escape! What he needs is a maid, or maybe he could move back in with his mum... What a tosser.

Well that discussion showed his true colours, didn't it? What a fucking twat. And you're still with him because?

This man has no respect for you. To quote the great sgb, he wants a domestic appliance with a vagina attachment. Forget LTB, DTF (dump the fucker)

DeadQODy Sat 06-Oct-12 10:32:04

Draw a line under it and walk away. You're worth so much more x

sillymoomoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:31:56

Oh and he said last week when all this kicked off over him not speaking to ds I was heartless with no regard for his feelings. and all I cared about was ds.

sillymoomoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:27:54

Oh by the way, after he accused me of never buying him anything and how he buys me everything (I admit he is generous with money), and I reminded him of a few of the things I've bought he said who's bought what doesn't matter confused

sillymoomoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:25:39

No not back with him, avoided speaking all week but ended up having it all out last night carried through to this morning.

Have basically been told that he was too good to me, all the things he bought me and took me out for meals and stuff and I am heartless. He told me it would be nice if I bought him things too as I always have money for me and my son but not for him and all I've ever bought him is a cheap t shirt from tk maxx. Firstly I've only ever been in tk maxx once, I bought him a shirt two weeks ago from River Island, he's calling it cheap because he usually wears Superdry hmm but basically had been moaning for ages that the writing fades and they make him sweat so he wanted to try something new so when I was in town I picked him one up, bear in mind he finds it difficult to get tshirts to fit because of the size and this one fitted like a glove. I reminded him of all the things I've bought, amongst them are coldplay and killers tickets, clothes an i pod touch and a docking station, electric toothbrush, dvds loads of clothes like jeans hoodies tshirts and I always have to search for sizes so thought goes into it. I could go on but you get the picture. Everytime I go into town I pick something up for him even if it's just a new shower gel or a pair of socks or boxers.

Then he said, and I kid you not, he wants someone who will look after him and not expect him to wash up and someone who will make his tea without moaning and bring him drinks while he watches his programmes, apparently I restrict what he can do because he can't always watch his programmes. Bear in mind he's at mine probably at least 4 nights out of 7 and has been for the past almost 4 years, so he's hardly a guest more of a lodger, I work, I wash his clothes that he leaves all over the floor, I get tea ready when he comes over even though I don't get in until 6 myself and have to sort a hungry grumpy ds out with tea and a bath and usually wash up the breakfast bowls. I make tea sometimes out of a jar but often something lovely from scratch. So I might then say would he mind washing up. He never does it properly anyway leaves food all over the plates. I also and this might sound stupid but a good sex life is important to me so I always have a shower when I get in and put on a tiny bit of make up and I'm always buying pretty underwear, think you get the picture. So where do I have time to be this domestic goddess too? So our evenings are like after sorting ds to bed and eating I might ask him to wash up or read ds a story, not bath just the story, that is all I ask of him. And most of the time I say leave the washing up and I get up earlier and do it in the morning before work. As for the tv all I like to watch is corrie and eastenders, which he asks to watch too, After that the remote control is his to watch what he wants if there's anything else I want to watch I record it and watch it when he's at home. I let him have my side of the bed and sometimes I even get up an hour earlier than I have to to make him a coffee in the morning.

But he has just told me he needs someone more domestic. Wtf? Is this what men are like these days don't even want to do a bit of washing up? I wouldn't even expect him to put a load of washing on or clean the bath, he once told me the bath cleans itself because it's always got water in. And this is the man who's mum goes in and cleans his house because she said he's disgusting, and made him buy some curtains and lampshades because he had a sheet up at the window.

expatinscotland Thu 04-Oct-12 15:30:21

Have you binned him yet?

picmaestress Thu 04-Oct-12 15:17:57

This man is revolting! Get him out of your life, no concessions. Ugh.

Uppermid Thu 04-Oct-12 14:13:13

Phew. Lucky escape for you and your ds. I know it must be hard now though. Think of your future, this man doesn't belong in it

NeDeLaMer Wed 03-Oct-12 21:19:14

I wouldn't change my number - I would simply tell him to do as Thumb suggested and if he doesn't, tell the police. I would also call the local station and get last nights weirdness logged in case he doesn't just fuck off.

Bag up his shite and put it on the step - tell him this is what you are going to do and what time you will be putting it out there (make it a time he is able to pick it up, you want 'right' on your side, it makes life easier in the long run).

I know a part of you is hurting - but honestly my love, you have had a bloody lucky escape from this controlling, self opinionated git... and so has your DS. Please don't think for one minute your son would be better off with him in his life - he will not be, not in any way, shape or form. Cut contact entirely.

"He told me ... I need to think about my actions (telling him to fuck off) and how hurtful I can be. I need to learn that acting like a child gets me nowhere, and to go away and think about how I treat him and how I can improve"
Oh dear lord he is a wanker! One who thinks the world revolves around him.

"I am dumbfounded, I must have let him get away with so much for so long that this is what it's come to"
Sadly, yes. You have let him away with so much for so long that he thinks he can treat you like dirt. So what are you going to do about that now? (Clue - 'change nothing' is not the right answer.)

Yes, definitely change your number.

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