To not understand why Martina Cole books are so popular?

(49 Posts)
incompetentandunprofessional Sat 04-Aug-12 16:41:57

I just feel (irrationally) irritated by the way she writes! I have tried to like her books, really, because everyone seems to think they are so great. But I have just finished reading one and became increasingly irritated by her style of writing, lack of any description, and rubbish plot.

Why do all of her characters speak exactly the same as each other, with the same mannerisms? Why do they never ever say 'don't, I've etc', always 'do not, I have'. I've noticed that every character does it! And always the same phrases, in particular 'safely assume' pops up on almost every page.

I just find it strange that seemingly everybody else who has read her books thinks they are great, so I must be being U, but...they are crap, aren't they? Anyone?

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 04-Aug-12 16:44:35

I went through a phase of reading her books a few years ago. They are very samey so I gave up with them. I agree that she does use the same phrases in all the books. 'Split-arse' to describe a baby girl is used in a few of the books, I find it such a vile term.

MsFanackerPants Sat 04-Aug-12 16:46:29

They are crap, it's not you.
I read one when i was working counter duty in the library and another one on holiday and it was so tedious with the language used that I gave up. I can't even remember which one it was, looking at synopses, they all seem to be basically the same.

I guess it's like Catherine Cookson, Sophie Kinsella etc. Some people enjoy books where they aren't too challenged but lots happens in the novel, regardless of any need for a plot.

MsFanackerPants Sat 04-Aug-12 16:47:06

Oh, and the angry mother/MIL always refers to the young female protagonist as having one in the oven.

sagesponsoredbymacdonalds Sat 04-Aug-12 16:48:46

Couldn't agree with you more!!
And they are so fucking repetitive
Crap plots, one-dimensional characters, peados, drugs, prostitution...so depressing. I will admit to having read 3 or 4 though! (Once I start a book I almost always finish it just to see what happened)

sagesponsoredbymacdonalds Sat 04-Aug-12 16:50:01

Yes, split-arse or splitter is so horrible!

missymoomoomee Sat 04-Aug-12 16:52:22

I feel the same about Danielle Steele books. She says the same thing about 50 times and has obviously used her thesaurus and changed a couple of words.

MsVestibule Sat 04-Aug-12 16:56:11

I find this with a lot of authors, though. They (understandably) have a specific writing style and don't seem to be able to deviate from it, which gets pretty tiresome after a while. I used to enjoy Danielle Steele blush until I realised her main characters had to have zero character flaws. I also loved Jodie Picoult for a while until I noticed that she picked a particular subject (e.g. Native Americans) and researched it to death, then put the detail in her book at every possible opportunity. I've only read one Martina Cole book, but I can imagine they would be a bit samey.

I really should check out Adult Fiction on this site!

Lucyellensmum99 Sat 04-Aug-12 16:58:09

Yep you're right they are really really bad

incompetentandunprofessional Sat 04-Aug-12 16:59:02

Yes!! I'm so relieved that Mner's are in agreement!

The one I have just finished was about some serial killer who was murdering prostitutes (it was quite clear who the killer was from about page 2) from the viewpoint of the police, however without any description or insight into any police processes or their investigation. Do some research! Patricia Cornwell does!

fivegomadindorset Sat 04-Aug-12 16:59:53

They are really popular in our prison library (male prisoners)

GiserableMitt Sat 04-Aug-12 17:07:50

I agree.

"A belly full of arms and legs" makes my teeth itch.
I recently gave every single one of my MC books to charity inflict them on someone else

incompetentandunprofessional Sat 04-Aug-12 17:08:10

Was she not meant to have been involved with gangsters or something like that in the past? If that is the case, I would have thought she could bring that world to life a bit more. And her books are so popular, why!?

Going to google her now.

Lucyellensmum99 Sat 04-Aug-12 17:30:49

"a belly full of arms and legs" i actually like that - its true and cute in a funny sort of way.

"i recently gave every single one of my MC books to charity" NowTHIS puzzles me, one really was enough for me. Some books are like that though, i was like thith Dan Brown - all his books made my teeth itch, they were so bad, but it didnt stop me reading three o them!

ThePathanKhansWitch Sat 04-Aug-12 17:35:22

I think we should write our own in the style of Martina grin, how hard can it be? We know all the phrases "Button ya mutton" "He's a ponce" etc.

Sorry Martina.

germyrabbit Sat 04-Aug-12 17:36:33

isn't it all about geezers being geezers and little bit 'ows yer father?

women are all hard after being abused by said geezers

usually involves guns, kidnapping and jewels

Euphemia Sat 04-Aug-12 17:44:05

I read two or three before realising they're all basically the same, like Eastenders would be if the scriptwriters could get away with it.

MIL used to pass them on to me, until I got a Kindle. Phew!

MammaTJ Sat 04-Aug-12 18:15:06

I could not agree more! 'A belly full of arms and legs' being one that appears in every single book of hers. Also the matriarch, well, the strong woman who is strong unless there is a man around!! UGH!!

SoleSource Sat 04-Aug-12 18:23:04

Faceless and Maura's Game were great the rest are shit.

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 04-Aug-12 18:38:35

Agree! "belly full of arms and legs" made me wince - and after the 20th time it was written in one of her books, I'd had enough!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 04-Aug-12 19:34:45

What's that supposed to mean? "Belly full of arms and legs"

I used to gobble up Stephen King books, but have also found now that they are all the same - well, I have not read one for about 12 years for that very reason.

I have read one Sophie Kinsella and will not read any more of hers because it was shite beyond description. Will most certainly avoid MC now.

ThisOnce Sat 04-Aug-12 19:53:08

The first few were ok, strong female characters and an interesting plot. Then they just got crap though. Horrendously violent and about really scummy characters, so hard to care what happens to them.

I would have said the first few were written for women and the rest for men.

NarcolepsyQueen Sat 04-Aug-12 20:00:36

I was forced to read one of my Mum's books - the woman must have written 'Skullduggery' about a billion times. And 'he was a face'. Irritating.

Floggingmolly Sat 04-Aug-12 20:16:20

They are very formulaic, aren't they,? Different characters using exactly the same phrases. They remind me of those misbegotten "Rainbow Fairy" books for 5 year olds, they were surely written by computer too.

wigglesrock Sat 04-Aug-12 20:19:24

I read one a few years ago and quite enjoyed it, so went and borrowed another - was a bit samey, so I gave another one a go - I swear all 3 were variations on the first one. Same character traits, same one-liners, only they got more violent and distasteful.

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