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AIBU?

to not want to get passports for X to take DC away

35 replies

CowboysGal · 19/05/2012 20:50

My XH wants to take my 3 DS away on holiday next year to Spain but only if I pay for their passports. I cannot afford to take them abroad. We don't holiday every year as we can't afford it. If I was to take them away I wouldn't be asking XH to contribute anything towards the holiday.
He pays nothing towards his children, doesn't even contribute towards uniforms.
DC are now upset because XH has apparently said that if I don't get the passports for them they wont be able to go.
AIBU? Would you pay for the passports?

OP posts:

Report

eurochick · 19/05/2012 20:52

Clearly he should pay for the passports.

Alameda · 19/05/2012 20:52

will the children have a nice time? It sounds like a great opportunity for them

LindyHemming · 19/05/2012 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2012 20:52

I'd pay half for the passports if he contributed to uniforms and paid maintenance

But if he doesn't then YANBU, why should you?

WhosTakingTheHorseToFrance · 19/05/2012 20:52

No way in hell would I pay and what a complete wankstain for telling the DC its your fault.

FizzyLaces · 19/05/2012 20:53

What a knob he is. You poor thing, but yes I would. They will have fun and you might have a nice break too.

Have you been down CSA route etc and if not, why not?

McHappyPants2012 · 19/05/2012 20:54

No way would I pay, why doesn't he pay for his own children

MissPricklePants · 19/05/2012 20:55

No I wouldn't, passports are an expense. If he wants to take them abroad then he should finance it. If you cannot go abroad with your dc's (I can't afford it either!and my ex swans off wherever he wants, not with dd though) then why should you pay for the passports so he can have the privilege of taking them? If he kicks off suggest he does a uk based holiday.

HecateTrivia · 19/05/2012 20:56

No. I wouldn't.

If you pay for the passports, you know what the next thing will be, don't you? Oh, I can't pay for their flights now, unless meanie mummy pays, you can't go, isn't she awful to let you down...

Why does he pay nothing? The CSA would make him pay, wouldn't they? even a fiver through benefits if he's not working.

What about if you said fine, I'll get the passports, as soon as I've completed this CSA paperwork...

I think he's got a nerve, tbh, failing to put a scrap of food in his children's mouths or an article of clothing on their backs and trying to make you the bad guy.

Hulababy · 19/05/2012 20:56

Very very unfair of your ex to expect you to fork out and he was def unreasonable to tell your dc about it full stop.
Why should you pay when you don't need them to have a passport?
Maybe if he was offering to pay half...

ENormaSnob · 19/05/2012 20:57

He should pay.

And not only for the passports.

Twat.

Grannylipstick · 19/05/2012 21:00

Emotional blackmail. Let him pay. He pays for not else by the look of things.

AmberLeaf · 19/05/2012 21:00

Why doesnt he pay maintenance?

If he earns enough to afford holidays abroad then he should be paying towards their upkeep.

Hell no should you pay for them!

RandomMess · 19/05/2012 21:02

"I cannot afford to pay for the passports, I can't magic money up out of thin air"

End of.

AKMD · 19/05/2012 21:05

YANBU. It's emotional blackmail and he pays nothing towards^ his children It's doing them no service to let him play them off against you this way.

supernannyisace · 19/05/2012 21:08

He should pay for the passports.

He should also pay half towards their daily upkeep.

If he can afford a holiday abroad for them all - then he must have some money.

Sometimes I really hate XPs - and I don't even know yours

CowboysGal · 19/05/2012 21:11

A while back I got something like £7.50 a month awarded to me through the CSA irc but that stopped after a few payments. The older XH gets the dodgier he seems to get. He's changed his name umpteen times and works cash in hand while pleading poverty to DC because he is unemployed (then rings to cancel visits because he is working overtime)
I haven't chased CSA because I don't think it'll get me anywhere and because we manage without his money.
He's been away abroad a couple of times with his DD (from his second marriage) but the most he's ever done with DS is a camping trip that only lasted one night because they had heavy rain. I don't know if his DDs mum pays towards the cost of holidays but I really begrudge doing it when I'm not even in a position to take them away myself.
I'm glad most people seem to think IANBU because I'm feeling pretty crappy about it.

OP posts:

HecateTrivia · 19/05/2012 21:17

You can report him. They can then investigate. Something to do with the lifestyle someone leads not matching their declared income.

Someone who dodges paying for the children they created should hang their head in shame, not start trying to guilt trip the parent who IS putting food on the table.

Don't you feel crappy. HE should feel crappy.

AKMD · 19/05/2012 21:18

Don't feel bad about it. You have no reason to. You are not depriving your children of anything.

I feel angry on your behalf but I am glad for you that you've decided that you can manage without his money. He deserves nothing from you.

dumdedoodah · 19/05/2012 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheesyPotatoes · 19/05/2012 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hermioneweasley · 19/05/2012 22:07

How old are your DCs? Sounds like they might need to be told the reality of the family's finances and that your XH contributes nothing.

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CowboysGal · 19/05/2012 22:25

DC are 15,13 and 11 they know (roughly) about finances, they know XH doesn't contribute at all, but still they have been told about a possible holiday and ALL I need to do is pay out for some passports so they are feeling a bit hard done by.
I'm sure they'll be feeling less sulky about it in a couple of days, think it's been a hot topic of conversation on their day out today.
I won't be as stressed about this tomorrow, I'm usually more than able to deal with XH and all the crap he puts DC through. Think I just had a really lousy day and then had this thrown at me.
Thank you for all the supportive comments, without MNet I think I'd go quietly mad sometimes

OP posts:

Ithinkitsjustme · 20/05/2012 06:13

Tell them to start saving and pay for their own passports. They are old enough to understand that if your XH is taking them on holiday then it's up to him to pay for it. If he can't afford passports, and neither can you then the only people who can pay for them are themselves. My kids do sticking up at a local skittles club and earn their own money (age 11, 12 and just 14).

Isityouorme · 20/05/2012 06:35

YANBU, exhusband should pay. Your kids are old enough to understand that their dad does not contribute so he can pay the £150 minimum for the passports. If they don't, then they need to talk to mean Dad.

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