Seriously £700 AIBU

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

Was I BU to tell my work collegue that I thought £700 was a bit much to pay a sleep specialist to sort a programme out for their 18 month old baby to get to sleep.
I truly believe this is madness. She has told me they cant afford this money but are desperate for sleep.
Im afraid I told her COD style (LOL) that they as a couple had caused this problem not the baby and to get a back bone and sort it out. That they didnt have to do controlled crying as she truly cant cope with the stress of it but to be strong and do it Tanya Byron style.
Has anyone got any further advice . ? As it now seems the husband wants to talk to me . They dont want to pay but they want sleep it seems.

[MissVforVendetta]

What exactly is the problem?

[BikeRunSki]

What is this specialist going to do for £700?!!! I'd like to see the guarantee .....

[Pandemoniaa]

What's "COD style (LOL)" mean?

[Iggly]

Er tell her to come onto the sleep boards on MN.

We'd sort her out.

[Chopstheduck]

Why do you offer to do it for £350?

[Iggly]

Oh and YANBU. Yes, yes it;s not your business but £700?! really?!

[Chopstheduck]

don't

[AgentZigzag]

Has she tried MN?

Or do you think that's not fair on the poor woman?

What does the man want to talk to you about? You saying it was too much, or does he want tips?

[elportodelgato]

give ME the £700 and I'd sort the baby's sleep out - totally guaranteed
astonishing that people don't just get a grip and do control crying if they truly are desperate for sleep. CC might be difficult to do but it does work and it works fast.

[DontHaveAtv]

Bless their sleep deprived hearts. Well I wouldn't pay it. Its pretty common for 18 month old children not to sleep.
What do they expect you to do? Just give them any tips or advice you have and let them get on with it.

[SydSaid]

No, if you think it is too much then YANBU to say so.

Is that really why you are posting though?

[tightwad]

COD style made me smile !

I hope that you are not underestimating how desperate this woman is.

Dont know the people and the background but from my pov i would have sold my kid to a passing rag & bone man to get even one hour of unbroken sleep back in those dark dark days.

Desperate didnt come close to describing how it felt.

Do you know all of the details of the situation?

[Raisedonadietofbrokenbiscuits]

I think paying a sleep consultant can be a good idea, although £700 seems a lot and she should be aware that they are clearly just going to recommend doing CC

[fussbucket]

They must truly be at their wit's end to consider this, makes me really sad that charlatans can jump onto this chance of making money out of vulnerable people.
Put them on MN for some ideas - but warn them to avoid AIBU

[ragged]

Surely Cod is not that much ancient history?
I dunno, £700 would be a bargain in my mind if it worked well.
cheaper to just buy your own copy of Ferber book, though.

[GateGipsy]

oh harsh! They must be driven to a huge extreme by the sleeplessness to be spending that much money. I really don't think we're talking about parents wh are just a bit too lax in their parenting. There is most likely some huge underlying cause that the standard techniques won't work on. As for controlled crying - purlease. I applaud their willingness to stick to their guns and not be bullied into using a technique that isn't right for them.

I used the Baby Whisperer's technique and that worked just fine.

However, I have friend's whose baby wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time for the first year of its life.

I'd tell them to go talk to people who have been through similar. As, until you have, you don't really 'get' it.

[ripsishere]

I agree tightwad. When DD was a baby, and up until the first time she slept though the night, passing gypsies could have taken her for all I cared.

[valiumredhead]

I'd have paid that to get a decent night's sleep - it's cheap if it works and they are at the end of their tether.

I think you were BU to tell them to get a back bone ( hard to do when you have been up all night.)

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Maybe they have tried everything else.

My DS is 9 now and has always been shit at sleeping.....I would have gladly paid £700 back then if it had sorted out the problem..........

Sleep deprivation is awful so it sounds like you have been quite rude to her!

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

Im not going to offer to do it for money LOL. But she told the sleep consultant that she couldnt do controlled crying and she said she didnt have to .
That she would sort out a different programme for her .
And get this ,she told them that they had to take the baby out of nursery for two weeks while they were doing this so that the programme would work .
I told her
give baby a calm bath
story whatever but no stimulation
no eye contact or speaking
stay in room
feed baby good food no addivities or hypa stuff same for drinking.
low light on
may be pat babys back but no talking
gradually edge out of the room over several days
Has anyone got any better or good advice .

[valiumredhead]

OP, why does this bother you so much, leave them to it, it's their business not yours.

[MsGee]

I think that someone who is at the end of their tether to the extent that they will pay £700 for a sleep specialist needs support rather than being told that they are crap parents.

CC does not work for every child. We tried it with my DD (numerous times, by the book). It did not work. Nor did it work fast. My DH kept asking me why she won't give in - I pointed out that given DD's personality she was probably asking herself the same thing . Even now at the age of four her sleep goes through very bad patches.

So my advice:
See the health visitor (they are free...)
Its not always about finding a perfect solution but one that you can all live with (we have tried CC, co-sleeping, each getting 5 decent hours a night as we take it in shifts etc.)
Know your parenting limits. There is no point starting CC if you cannot see it through.
Some children are bad sleepers, its not necessarily the parents fault.
Sort out easy problems: ditch the dummy; sort out daytime naps first; sufficient protein and all that malarkey.
Be consistent.

And wish her all the best.

[Kveta]

my mum said to us 'I'll get your DS sleeping through the night, all it takes is a bit of common sense and just letting him know who's boss!'

she didn't charge us, and thank god she didn't, as her approach made fuck all difference to his sleep.

Some children DO NOT RESPOND to controlled crying, and I wish those for whom it worked could understand that it is not always the answer. Unless you want weeks of 4-5 hours of screaming of an evening, vomit all over the cot, and an utterly distressed child. and people telling you 'just persevere, get a backbone, he's manipulating you!'

OP, I do think £700 is a bit of a piss take, but there are times DH and I have considered finding a sleep specialist for our DS. Has your colleague tried the Millpond clinic book "Teach Your Child To Sleep"? As we found that very useful, and it does occasionally seem to have worked with our DS. Sadly not 100% effective, but we get the odd night of sleep from him now.

[tightwad]

Yup, my ds was 5 and at school when he slept an entire night through...and i am a fecking awsome disciplinarian and mother. Nowt to do with lax parenting.

Even my HV gave up on us, said there was nothing else she could offer or do. We had to wait it out.
I did cc for about a month...over and over, i did the baby whisperer, i read books, i asked people, still nowt.

The kid just didnt need sleep. I did queery if the kid was mine as i couldnt cope without a siesta & 12 hours prior to having him, so fully expected a sleepy bub. Not to be.