...to want his son to wash?!

[fluttersbye]

My partners son is 18. He stays with me and my partner one, maybe 2 nights a week. When he stays, he literally eats us out of house and home. The other night: 12 cans of coke, 2 packets of bacon, a full loaf of bread and most of the potatoes...gone.
However, this is not the only problem. He smells! It sounds so awful but he really does smell, my sofa and the blanket he uses to sleep on stinks. Every time he stays I have to wash this blanket. The sofa smells because of him, I have actually had someone mention it before.
I feel I can't say anything to him as I am only a few years older than my partners son but I would want to mention it to my partner. But how do I say it without offending him?!
On top of all that, we never have anything left in the house as I said before cos he eats/drinks it all. We have a newborn baby and struggle enough as it is without having to replenish the whole kitchens worth of food whenever he stays over.
I understand that he is a teenage boy. They are a force to be reckoned with. But, I think a little respect would go a long way here and it just seems like he doesn't have any. And also the washing thing.
Like I say, I'm barely 5 years older than him and just dont feel like I can say anything. I dont want to offend his son and I dont want to offend my partner but at the end of the day, I pay the bills and buy the food and clean up after him whenever he comes round so surely I should have a bit of a say...?

[RachelWalsh]

Why are you paying all the bills, buying all the food and doing all the cleaning up after him? What is his fathers contribution?

[WorraLiberty]

Well firstly, you hide the 12 cans of coke in your bedroom and perhaps buy a 2ltr bottle...when it's gone, it's gone.

As for the food, well teens do tend to eat a lot but why isn't your partner buying the food too?

As for the smell, it depends on how often he washes I suppose.

Is it a B.O sort of smell?

[fluttersbye]

Oh he contributes, he pays half and I pay half.

[fluttersbye]

Yeah, awful BO kind of smell just lurking around.
We both buy the food and pay the bills, I didnt meant only I buy everything. Came across wrong, sorry

[Serendipity30]

I think you should speak to your partner when his son is not present and tell him how you feel, it is your home too. Just be honest about how you feel, say what is in your post because it sounds reasonable. Good Luck

[AgentZigzag]

You're going to have to let his dad deal with the smell thing I think, it'd definately sound better coming from him, and rightly so because he's his dad (why do you think it'd offend him btw? has he not noticed it? would he think you're criticising his son?)

The eating you out of house and home I wouldn't put in the same catagory, teenagers can eat a lot, the coke thing is rude and he should have known better, but you seem to be keeping a tally over what he's eating which sounds a bit controlling to me.

He's hungry! You can't begrudge feeding the poor starving mite lad can you? Sling something filling and inexpensive his way, that way you get a say what he's eating?

[ImperialBlether]

There's more to this, isn't there?

Why are you paying for everything and cleaning up after him? He's your partner's son.

I don't know how anyone could drink 12 cans of Coke in one day. Does he leave them half empty? I'd be buying Asda's own for him.

You're only a few years older, so much closer in age to him than to his dad. Do you not feel able to say, "Ffs, I'm paying for this - stop eating all my food!"?

[RachelWalsh]

Speak to your partner about it, suggest he have a father son chat re hygiene and buy him a few cans of Lynx and some shower gel? If he smells then I don't see why your partner would be offended, surely it's much better that he help his son sort that out than he goes through life with people being put off by his bo?

[WorraLiberty]

I don't see what age has to do with it if you want to mention to your partner that his son probably needs some deodorant?

Or you could perhaps buy him some?

[ImperialBlether]

Nobody eats two packs of bacons in one night because they're hungry.

[AgentZigzag]

Yes, agree with worra, what on earth were you thinking keeping the coke out?

Lesson learned and all that.

[fluttersbye]

Buying a bottle is a good idea, hiding the rest in my room lol.
Teenagers do eat a lot yeah, my brother is 18 and he can put it away. But I have never known anyone in one night to eat a full loaf of bread, 2 packets of bacon and whatever else has disappeared!

[Serendipity30]

He's 18 , he should know how to respect other peoples home, and consider that other people in the home need to eat. The OP seems to be indicating it is taking a financial toll. For example: If you buy shopping that would usually last a week and it is consumed in three days, that is an issue.

[RachelWalsh]

Is he overweight? It just seems like there is something being left unsaid here.

[letseatgrandma]

Let his dad speak to him about the BO issues-that's his problem, but don't have expensive things like bacon and coke around when the son is there.

Buy value squash and potatoes and he can help himself. Is he eating proper meals with you or cooking his own?

[fluttersbye]

It's not that i keep a tally, it's that I go to the kitchen and everything I bought the day before has gone...
And no, i dont feel able to speak to him about it as he is an 18 year old boy and saying something about his hygeine coming from his dads girlfriend would make me uncomfortable.
I will speak to my partner about it, gunna have to be done. Just so awkward!

[McHappyPants2012]

i would say something, perhaps he doesnt realise he does smell

[WorraLiberty]

Does his Dad cook for him?

I find my boys fill up on crap if they have light meals

A good old Shepherd's Pie or huge bowl of Hotpot/Stew with potatoes cuts down on that.

Also, you could buy more cereal and tell him if he's hungry to eat that in the evenings.

[fluttersbye]

Not overweight no, he does eat with us on the rare occasion he is here at tea time but he comes and goes really so we never know when he is going to come.
Going to ask his Dad to have a word hygiene wise and maybe just mention the whole eating everything in sight thing too

[Serendipity30]

needs to b done, but agree it dads duty to talk to him, surely he must have noticed. His dad will be able to say it gently to him.

[Serendipity30]

PS. At 18 he is a man not a boy sheesh

[fluttersbye]

That's the thing, it is so noticeable I'm sure he's noticed but he's never mentioned anything to me which is why I feel awkward about mentioning it to him about his son. Definitely needs to be done

[WorraLiberty]

Do you have a microwave?

If so, could you/your partner tell him to heat up his dinner when he comes home rather than attacking the bacon?

[AgentZigzag]

How do you think he'll react to being told he reeks to high heaven flutter?

Do they have the kind of relationship where his dad can say those kind of things without it setting off WWIII?

[Serendipity30]

Why would the OP be cooking him big meals, when he is 18, he is not a baby, but he may be aware of the way he eats having an affect as he comes and goes, which frankly is quite rude. OP talk to your partner and see how it goes. If he will be coming to your house regularly there is nothing wrong with having a few ground rules.