breastfeeding...

[notitswerebritish]

namechanged, cause i know breastfeeding topics bring out the evil in mums net!
yesterday i had my friends dd over after school as her mum had to take her baby to the baby clinic and its a drop in and be seen in order type one. baby is 11 weeks.
so i bring her dd home, my dd, both 7. my ds, 5 and my older one, 13 comes in same time. my oh is home on a half day and is working on the comuter.
friend comes to pick her older dd up and comes in for coffee. at this point my ds1 is at the table doing homework, girls upstairs and hubby on comp still
she sat down with her drink and her baby started fussing, friend said that baby needed a feed. i ask if she needs a cussion of a drink or anything, no she says, but can ''they'' go upstairs. meaning my hubby and son. i ask why and she said she doesnt like to feed infront of people. ok i say, feel free to go and use my bed, close the door, relax and crack on.
she says that she hates feeding upstairs and shouldnt have to go up there on her own to feed.
i said i wouldnt ask dh or ds to go upstairs, they are both busy. so she collects her stuff calls her elder dd and walks out. with the parting shot, thanks for the support breastfeeding is hard and she thought i was her friend.
now i seriously think wtf!!
but was i U?

[Hecubasdaughter]

You were being supportive IMO.

[LST]

YANBU

[Flisspaps]

SWBU.

I was horribly embarrassed feeding DD in front of anyone but would never have dreamed of demanding someone go upstairs in their own home so I could feed in their living room.

[alcazar]

YANBU, its your husband and sons home, you offered her an alternative and was more than helpful. Is she usually such a drama queen? Your dh and son wouldnt have even noticed probably if she hadnt made a fuss. I fed my dd anywhere and everywhere, never had a dodgy look, however if I made everyone leave the room then Im sure there would have been!

[Jnice]

No, yadnbu. You sound like you were being very considerate and supportive. If she wants to bf in private she should expect to go hide away, not ask others to leave. Sorry to hear your friend was so unreasonable.

[biddysmama]

im an extended breastfeeder and imo she was unreasonable, not you. no she shouldnt have to go upstairs but thats not what you were saying and neither should your husband, in his own home. If she doesnt want to feed in front of people then she should go upstairs, her choice imo.

[notitswerebritish]

ok, so not me bu.
i hated every second of breastfeeding so only did it at home as i never felt comfertable, so i know she could be struggling, but dh was facing away from her, so couldnt see and ds was trying to figure out algebra so wouldnt have noticed the house falling down.

[kickingking]

I bf for 12 months, and wouldn't have felt comfortable feeding in front of your husband and son tbh. I would have gone upstairs though and not expected them to do so. I think you sound like you were being supportive. When I have a friend coming over who is breastfeeding I always make sure my bedroom is tidy for them to feed in, as I don't make the assumption that if you are breastfeeding you will be happy to get them out anywhere and in front of anyone unlike my in laws

[Moominsarescary]

Yanbu if she doesn't feel comfortable she should go upstairs

[Shushshessleeping]

Wow I'm breast feeding at the moment and would never ask someone else to leave so I could feed. Although I just crack on with it, I like to think I've got the hang of doing it putting on a peep show! YADNBU!

If she's doing it in Starbucks does she ask everyone leave there too?

[babybythesea]

Not U at all.
You offered things she might need including privacy. She declined. You can't go out and expect everyone else to organise themselves round you (stopping homework to go upstairs for example). Yes, bf can be hard and you may feel uncomfortable doing it in front of people but you had given a way round that. If you went to a cafe for a coffee you wouldn't expect the management to empty the place in order for you to feed.
If you are really that sensitive to people being in the same room, and really don't wish to make any effort yourself to get round the issue, then I guess you're stuck in the house until the baby is weaned.
People need to be supportive and not treat bf like it's the weirdest thing out, but you were supportive and not acting as though she was weird. She also has to make some accomodation and not expect the world to revolve round her, especially when she's in someone else's house and they've just done her a favour looking after her dd.

[notitswerebritish]

Shushshessleeping

i am not sure if she has ever fed out in public. when we have been out she hasnt needed a feed, so its never come up.

[notitswerebritish]

ok, off to work. so i wont be back for the rest of the day.
thanks tho.

[ENormaSnob]

Yanbu

[BatCave]

Also an extended breastfeeder and very 'pro' bf rights in public/whereever.

She sounds like an idiot, she gives the rest of us a bad name. I would never expect someone to move so that I could feed 'in private' I would find somewhere private myself. And especially as you offered.

Having said that, 11 week old baby.... tired/ hormonal etc? Maybe try and forget the issue (knowing you are in the right) she'll most probably pretend it didn't happen if she has any sense

[QuickLookBusy]

Agree with Bat about the tired/hormonal aspect.

If this incident is totally out of character I would be inclind to phone her and ask her if she is ok or offer to have her DD again for a few hours.

If she is still cross with you at least you tried!

[KatAndKit]

Definitely not unreasonable. your family shouldn't be kicked out of their own front room. If it was your husband/son that was "bothered" by the feeding then it would have been them that should have left the room for a bit, but since it was just her, and you offered her an alternative, then you did all that could reasonably be expected. She can't go into other people's homes and dictate to them like that.

[rogersmellyonthetelly]

Yanbu, if others feel uncomfortable they should move not her, by the same token if she is the one who feels uncomfortable the onus is on her to move somewhere she feels comfy with. You were being supportive by offering privacy if she needed it, but entirely reasonable not to agree to her request. Sounds like she is a bit of a boobzilla, ie her bf is so special and important that everyone should agree to her every whim.
Agree with others, this sort of precious behaviour doesn't help with bf image!

[KatAndKit]

Also it seems she is only taking offence at the presence of males above a certain age - she didn't ask your whole family to vacate the room! Which suggests that she thinks your husband and son have some sort of ishoo with her boobs.

[Mrsjay]

YANBU she was being precious of course BF her baby is important but tbh she was in your house she demanded your family vacated the room , Its not all about her and her breastfeeding is it , of course you support her just you didnt give into her stupid demands ,

[TheOtherElizabethTaylor]

She probably isn't thinking straight if she has an 11 week old and is finding breastfeeding hard - she was bering a bit unreasonable, but probably because of sleep deprivation,etc ... not an excuse but an explanation?

[PinkElephant73]

The baby is only 11 weeks, she is probably exhausted, sleep deprived and hormonal and doesn't realise she is being U.